Promises
by destielshipper
Summary: AU: Castiel and Dean have been together for more than six years and are still happily married but what happens when a tragic accident leaves Castiel with severe memory loss and gives the guys their biggest challenge yet?
1. Chapter 1

Memories are a delicate matter, some have few, some have many but each one is special in their own way. Everyone needs memories, something special to look back on and remember but what do you when they disappear?

~0~

Castiel Novak had lots of memories, plenty of his family, his friends but the most important, the most treasured were the ones he held dear and they were all of his love, Dean Winchester. They weren't all good but one in particular stood out for him because it was the beginning of all things.

**March 1989.**

"I hate him" Castiel said throwing his school bag down on the bench and sliding on to it to face his best friend and only ally in the school, Anna Milton. Anna snorted munching on her carrot stick and glanced over to the subject of the matter, Dean Winchester.

"You do not! You want him as much as every girl and boy in the goddam place"

"I do not, he's an assbutt" he hissed opening his lunchbox with a sigh.

"You know he likes you" Anna said tilting her head at him with a smirk. Castiel blushed glancing over to him messing around and joking with his gang.

"He does not"

"He's always staring at you and he gets weirdly jealous whenever someone else apart me talks to you"

"Because you're a lesbian!" he said gesturing at her.

She winked at him and shrugged. "I'm telling you the truth, the most popular guy in the school lusts after you"

Castiel faltered glancing over to him and blushed deep red when Dean looked up and caught his eye.

"But-but I'm no one, I'm just the weird nerdy kid with the angel name who sits in the library studying instead of finding girls…or you know, boys" he murmured scratching behind his ear nervously.

"The weird nerdy kid who happens to be very attractive with the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen! I am jealous of your eyes" she said softly uncapping her drink and swigging from it. "He wants you bad"

Castiel swallowed shaking his head. "I sit next to him in physics and the only conversation we have is who turn it is to write the notes"

"Because he's shy"

Castiel snorted flicking a crisp at her. "He is not!"

"With people he likes!"

"Dean Winchester is not shy, he is arrogant, he is cocky and he is proud and loud"

"You rhymed" she teased pointing a finger at him.

"That's not the point, Anna, he is annoying and he doesn't like me. He likes pretty girls and boys who are easy and a good fuck"

Anna winced patting his hand and glancing over to Dean who was engaged in a conversation with good friend, Chuck Carver.

"He could be good for you" she murmured.

"How?"

"Lose the big V"

Castiel scoffed in disgust pushing her hand away and picking up his bag.

"Look its Pamela's 20th birthday party tonight and everyone is going! You are coming"

"All more reason not to go, Anna, I'm not the party type" he said pulling it onto his back.

"You are! Embrace it and you will be there if I have to forcibly drag your scrawny ass" she warned pointing another carrot stick in his face.

"I hate you"

"I know, our love for each other is a fine line"

Castiel rolled his eyes heading towards the exit feeling the burn of someone's eyes on his retreating figure and turned to see big green ones watching him. He swallowed nervously barging out and down the hall.

"Hey, Cas!" a voice called to him. He stopped turning around to see Dean coming up to him holding a book.

"You dropped this" he muttered handing it back.

"Thank you" he whispered taking it and looking up at him. Dean smirked at him pushing his hands into his pocket.

"Are you going to Pamela's tonight?"

"I'm not sure"

"You should"

"Why should I?" he questioned with a frown.

"Because the whole of our year is going and you're 19 right?"

Castiel nodded slowly still staring up at him.

"So let's enjoy your last year of being a teenager and where else are you going to go?" Dean said smugly.

"Nowhere" he said in defeat and held his breath when Dean stepped forward pushing a stray hair off his forehead.

"Good" he murmured softly.

Castiel drew in a shaky breath and cursed Anna to the depths of hell for being right, she was always right. He didn't hate Dean at all, he liked him more than he ever realised. Castiel did admit to not liking Dean in the beginning of school when they were young, naïve, and children. For years they mingled in different circles only seeing and occasionally talking in lessons, it was final year when things stepped up and started to change.

"Do you want me there?"

"Maybe" he teased gently staring into his eyes. Castiel looked back and could almost feel himself lean in and see what those lips and mouth tasted like.

"Are you two going to kiss?" a voice said interrupting them and they turned to see Ruby ogling them both.

"Piss off, Ruby" Dean muttered

"I was just curious" she snapped back eyeing them both up and smirking cruelly. "You were! You fancy a bit of his cock don't you, Dean?"

"Beat it, Ruby, before I shave your hair off and you know I will you little bitch" he hissed at her. She glared at him grabbing Lilith's arm and tugging her away.

"Jumped up faggot" she hissed at him as she turned the corner.

"There is nothing I hate more than that little cow" he said with a shudder.

"Didn't she try it on with your little brother?"

"Sam? Yeah, she failed when he laughed in her face" he said with a snicker and looked back to the canteen. "I better be going, I'll see you tonight"

With the final word he turned on his heel storming back to the canteen and leaving a flushed Castiel behind. He swallowed turning on his heel and practically running to the library, his sanctuary.

~0~

"If I was straight we would be in bed right now" Anna murmured raking her eyes up and down his figure.

"What? Anna, that's disgusting we are like brother and sister"

"Not in blood!" she protested standing up and carding a hand into her hair fluffing it up. She stood in the mirror appraising her black gown and smiling.

"Do I look good?"

"Gorgeous"

"Good" she said with a smile. "So do you"

Castiel stared down at the dark blue shirt and black jeans with a raised eyebrow. "Really?"

"Believe me when I tell you that every girl and boy in that room tonight will see "weird kid" in a whole new light"

They arrived at the house party and Castiel felt a heat rise over him as eyes turned to watch him and Anna walk in. He swore he heard a few wolf whistle and hid away walking towards the drinks table and taking a beer.

"I feel sick" he murmured to Anna who smirked at him.

"Chill out, everyone is looking at you"

"No, you actually" he said looking over to a group of boys leering at her.

"Not my type at all"

"What is your type?"

Anna winked at him waving at Pamela and walking over to her with a wide smile. Castiel sighed tipping the drink back and staring down at the table. He didn't notice Dean slide up to him and stand behind him.

"You've been here for like three minutes and already people are talking and taking bets on who will bed you tonight" he purred into his ear. Castiel shivered at the warmth on the nape of his neck and turned to face him.

"That's a bad joke…what are the bets on no one at all?"

"100 to 1"he replied with a grin.

Castiel looked him up and down and bit his lip feeling butterflies in his lower regions reach peak as he looked at his tightly fitted t-shirt and jeans, he looked gorgeous.

"Can I bet on that?"

"Sure, I have my bet on someone"

"Oh who would that be?" he flirted back. Dean grinned at him and shook his head looking down at the floor.

"You're flirting me" he stated.

"With you? Never" Castiel murmured sipping his beer feeling his form tremble with anticipation.

"Oh really?" he said taking the beer off him and handing him a coloured vodka shot. "I need you drunk"

Castiel snorted but took the drink anyway taking it all in one mouthful. Dean grinned handing him another one and took one with him wondering what the night would give him.

Three hours passed and Castiel was more than tipsy as he mingled with people he never dared speak to in school hours. He looked over to Anna who was currently flirting with a girl in the year below and doing very well. He smirked tipping the rest of his beer back and turned to see the face of Andy, a boy in his math class.

"You're cute" he whispered at him. Castiel frowned moving back from him and stumbled a little shaking his head.

"Not interested" he murmured.

"Aw come on!" he said advancing on him and stopping when he saw someone behind Castiel. Arms wrapped around his waist and he turned his head to see Dean staring at Andy.

"Sorry" he said simply.

Andy sighed sadly stumbling away and towards the drink table. Castiel turned in his arms and scowled deeply.

"What are you doing?"

"Castiel, do you have any idea at all about how much I want you?"

Castiel's breath stuttered and he shook his head firmly. "Why would you want me?"

"Who doesn't want you?"

"A lot of people" he whispered staring at the stubble on his chin and swallowing hard feeling a rush of emotions and a pounding in his ears from his heart. Dean grinned trailing his mouth across his jaw gently and tore it away looking down at him.

"I notice you all the time, Cas, physics, out of class, in the library, and of course with Anna"

"Why me?"

"Because you have no idea how beautiful you are" he whispered into his ear. That was the moment Castiel felt his heart lurch and he looked up at this strange but wonderful guy who just told him he was beautiful.

"I want to kiss you" Dean murmured stroking a thumb across his bottom lip.

"Are you sure that's not the alcohol?" he gasped out when Dean's hands slid to his hips bringing him flush against his chest.

"Nope, I think about it in physics as well…I wonder if Mr Bennett would mind if I took my partner on the desk right here and give these guys a show they will never, ever, forget?" he cooed into his ear.

Castiel heard a moan and gasped when he realised it was from his own mouth. Dean felt the sound shoot straight to his groin and didn't hesitate as he claimed his lips with his own. Castiel gasped granting him entry into his mouth and gripped his hands into his hair feeling sick and lightheaded as they kissed in front of the whole party. A few gasps around them startled Castiel a bit but he was made to ignore them as Dean parted from him shushing him gently so he could kiss him again.

Castiel swept his tongue into mouth tasting crisps and beer which made his stomach churn but he ignore it well as he felt the heat rise inside him. A warm flush rose up over his neck and cheeks as they kissed passionately.

"We should…we should finish this upstairs" Dean said in a shaky voice when they parted. Castiel nodded gripping his hand and letting him lead the way as they walked past wide eyes and gaping expressions. Castiel's heart constricted when he realised what this would mean but he didn't let it bother him as they climbed the stairs of the 6 bedroomed house. Dean pushed open a door to see it empty with a bed and a wardrobe but nothing more. Dean dragged him in slamming the door shut behind him and pushed Castiel against the wall taking full advantage.

"You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this"

Castiel nodded kissing him roughly before reality dawned on him and he placed two hands on his chest and swallowed hard.

"D-Dean, this isn't just some random fuck is it?"

"What?" Dean breathed kissing down his neck.

"I don't want to be another of your random fucks, I want-I want it to mean something"

Dean stopped staring up at him and let out a deep breath nodding. "I know, so do I. You aren't a random fuck…believe me".

"How can I know that?" he whispered swaying unsteadily.

"Because I like you, I mean I really like you. My friends think I'm obsessed with you"

"What?" he questioned confused. "You-you never talk to me"

Dean laughed nodding and cupped his neck with a smile. "There's a reason…I'm a coward"

"Oh" he breathed finding some sense into it and frowning at him.

"I'm ordinary and you like…girls"

"Yeah, it's a beautiful little word called bi-sexual, Cas" he whispered. "And right now, I like only you"

Castiel paused for a moment and nodded slowly. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yes" he breathed with a moan against his neck.

"I'm a…virgin" he whispered clutching his shoulders. Dean gasped looking up at him and his eyes widened at the declaration.

"You mean no one has taken it?"

"No"

"Oh shit" he breathed his mouth open as he stepped back a little.

Castiel's face fell and he bit his lip. "You don't want me?"

"What? Yes, yes, god yes, but I don't want to take it like this, Cas! We're drunk" he murmured stroking a thumb across his cheek. "I can't take your virginity like this"

"Who knew you were so-so noble" Castiel whispered chuckling.

"Do you want it like this? Do you want it with me of all people?"

"I did say I hated you before to Anna"

"Do you?"

Castiel shook his head with a snort. "No, I want this, I want you".

Dean closed his eyes with a long sigh and pulled him back towards him kissing him softly.

"God, okay, okay, we'll do this" Dean whispered undressing him slowly and marvelling over his chest. Castiel shivered feeling vulnerable and moved towards him kissing him hard and pushing him towards the bed. Dean groaned feeling the back of the bed on his legs and fell back taking Castiel with him. Castiel giggled with him as they straightened out and resumed their positions.

It was only when they started to get hot and heavy moving towards removing the rest of their clothing was when Castiel pulled away clamping a hand over his mouth.

"Am I that bad?" he joked when he gagged moving away and grabbing the trashcan vomiting into it. Dean grimaced rubbing Castiel's back and wrinkled his nose at the smell as he finished up sitting back breathing heavily.

"It was those shots" he murmured weakly. Dean smiled at him sadly and nodded.

"Lightweight?"

"I hardly ever drink" he whispered. "You can go if you like…I know I've ruined the mood"

Dean rolled his eyes at him bringing him to his chest and hugging him close.

"I have just seen you throw up, you smell of booze, sweat and sick and I have never liked you more…you're at your most vulnerable here" he whispered.

Castiel stared into the darkness in shock before looking up to Dean seeing the outline of his features and swallowed hard.

"Are you real?"

Dean chuckled brushing back his hair from his sweaty forehead and nodding. "Very real"

Castiel nuzzled his chest smelling the sweet scent from his skin and feeling his stomach ripple and lurch again as he moved away to be sick. Dean grimaced stroking his back and made himself a promise, he would not fuck this one up.

~0~

The next morning was not a pleasant one as Castiel opened his eyes and cringed at the light in the room. He buried his head in the pillow sensing the warmth next to him and peeked at the figure lying there and gasped seeing Dean sleeping next to him. He lifted his head looking around the room and at themselves to see that it was a poky room and they were half naked tangled up together.

Castiel wrinkled his nose and looked down to see a waste basket filled with sick and closed his eyes in horror.

"No, no, no, no" he chanted sitting up feeling his head and body protest in horror as his whole world lurched. Dean opened one eye to look at the tanned back of Castiel and trailed his hand up it softly.

"Hey" he said sleepily.

"I'm so sorry" Castiel said into his hands and shook his head at him. "I can't-I can't believe I did that, I am so, so, sorry"

"You threw up, Cas, it's not the end of the world"

"Oh it is" he moaned into his hands and went to move away and out of the bed.

Den grabbed his wrist tugging him down and towards him. "Shut up now"

"What…?"

"I have just woken up and I am very pleased to say I have no hangover, I bet you have a blinder, I have woken up with the guys of my "affections" and I don't care that you vomited last night…I'm actually glad you did because we would be in a more awkward situation, Cas"

"Sex" he murmured softly.

"Exactly, I was up for it then I must admit but I'd rather take it when you are more alert"

Castiel smiled shyly glancing down to his bare chest and feeling his brow furrow in confusion.

"Where is the arrogant, self-centred, and cocky Dean gone?"

"Oh he's still here" Dean joked pushing him gently. "I know I've shown no signs, Cas, I admit that but I would think my staring would be a clear sign? I don't do declaration of feelings, I keep my feelings to myself and myself only but you gotta know that I do like you, I like you more than I ever realised"

"Oh" he breathed shuddering gently when he kissed his throat. "Be right back"

Dean blinked when he jumped up darting out of the room and swallowed gently laying back down waiting for his return. Castiel darted into the bathroom ignoring the snoring guy in the bathtub as he grabbed mouthwash and swilled it around his mouth and splashing cold water on his face. He cleaned himself up and stared in the mirror seeing flushed cheeks and wide blue eyes.

He closed his eyes feeling like his whole world had suddenly tipped over. Castiel calmly left the bathroom and walked back into the spare room to see him on the bed and sighed staring at the marvel in front of him. Dean opened one eye and held his hand out to him beckoning him over. Castiel obeyed getting on the bed and gasping when he pulled him on his lap to straddle his hips.

"Here let me introduce myself, Dean Winchester, 20 years old, I live in Lawrence, Kansas with my brother, Sam and we live with Bobby, our dad's friend and our adopted father. We live with him because our parents died many years ago in a house fire, I go to a poky school and I have recently discovered my "feelings" for a certain boy in my physics class"

Castiel listened intently and nodded slowly. "Nice to meet you, Dean"

"Nice to meet you too, Cas" he said with a chuckle.

"Okay…I'm Castiel, I'm 19 years old, and I also live in Lawrence, Kansas with my brothers, Gabriel and Balthazar who have taken care of me since I was a little boy. I don't know my parents, they died when I was very young in an accident my brothers refuse to speak about and I have been harbouring feelings for a certain man who I never dared speak to or raised the issue"

Dean's eyes widened at the brand new information and he nodded along with him.

"Well you've spoken up now" Dean murmured leaning up into him and smirking. "I made myself a promise last night, I would not fuck this up and now I make another promise"

"What promise?"

"To take care of you and make not only me but you happy"

Castiel smiled at him and tilted his head at him confused. "You are a puzzle, Dean Winchester"

"Fancy completing me?" he teased and laughed when he cringed.

They rolled around together in bed for a while after that, talking, laughing, exchanging lines and jokes which started off the whirlwind that was their life.

~0~

This was one of Castiel's favourite memories even after 6 years of being together, marrying the very same man, and living with him. He had no idea that one fatal accident could change all that and spelling out the biggest challenge of their lives six years later.

**A/N: Brand new story! I like this, I do. I am kinda basing it off, The Vow. Have you lot seen the trailer? It breaks my heart and I wanted to write an amnesia story.**

**So come on my beautiful readers! Feedback? I would really appreciate it so I can continue it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Present day. **

Dean slowly woke up fighting off the waves of sleep as he looked over to their bedroom window and blinked seeing flurries of snow hitting the ground. He smiled lazily rolling over and facing the object of his affection and husband of six long years sleeping curled around him. Dean felt his heart thud a little faster at the sight of him; he reached out trailing his fingers across the couple of day's old stubble feeling the grains underneath the pads of his fingers. His eyes roved over his features and smiled softly, Castiel had grown out of his teenager youthfulness thankfully for Dean and had shaped out very well. Dean slid a hand down his chest gently feeling the muscles of his chest and stomach jerk a little at the cold contact.

Castiel moaned sleepily burying his face into the pillow flipping Dean the finger. He chuckled softly catching it and biting on the tip gently.

"You're an animal" Castiel mumbled into the pillow.

Dean grinned at the messy bed hair still sleeping in the pillow and held his hand up sliding a thumb over the gold wedding ring and looked down to his own. Three years ago he wed this man and still couldn't quite believe he was his.

"Baby, its morning" he whispered into his ear gently.

"Yes" he replied simply rolling away with him with a sleepy sigh. "It's a Saturday, I have no work in the bank today and I would like to sleep"

"You are no fun" Dean said with a pout leaning on his shoulder with his chin. "Bobby gave me the day off"

"You don't work"

Dean gasped poking him hard in the side making him chuckle sleepily.

"I do work! I'm a mechanic"

"Working on your own car with your adoptive father who pays you monthly…it's hardly work"

"Oh sorry, Mr Accountant" he hissed into his ear wrapping his arms around his warm body and inhaling the smell of his skin. He loved the smell of Castiel in the morning; it was always a mixture of warmth, faint soap and the hint of sex from last night.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly 9am" he muttered against his neck and nibbling it gently.

Castiel sighed pressing his face into his pillow and rolled over to look up at him. "It's a very, very, good job I love you isn't it?"

"Maybe" Dean murmured capturing his lips with his own; he smiled into it running his hands into his hair bringing him flush against his chest. Castiel pulled away for air looking very flushed and tired.

"Is your morning glory waking with us?"

"He sees something he likes" he whispered mocking awe and dragged Castiel onto his chest. Castiel sighed straddling his hips and rubbing his thumb over his nipple.

"Maybe "Little Dean" sees too much action"

"Don't you dare ban sex again!" he said pointing a finger at him and hiding his hand when Castiel went to bite it.

"It was your own fault, Dean"

"You banned sex for two weeks, do you have any idea how much I wanked?"

"I had an idea" he said with an amused grin.

Dean scoffed trailing his hands down his thighs and bringing him down to kiss him. Castiel opened his mouth allowing entry as they slid their tongues against each other, Dean groaned when he rolled his hips grinding down on his erection.

"Don't tease me" he whispered against his jaw when Castiel pulled down his underwear shaking his head as he kissed slowly down his chest reaching his groin. Dean groaned separating his legs for him as he nuzzled his groin making him stutter and grip the top of his hair as he slid his tongue down the underside of his cock.

"Oh god" he whispered closing his eyes feeling his lower back arch over the bed when he swallowed down hitting the back of his throat. Dean adored the fact he had no gag reflex and threw back his head feeling the scorching heat surround his cock as he sucked and bobbed up and down on his cock. Castiel made close attention to the head and licked teasingly into the slit.

"Son of a bitch" Dean hissed letting out a low moan. Castiel let his other hand massage his balls slowly erupting small whimpers from Dean as he writhed and moaned on the sheet cover. Castiel sucked hard on the head feeling Dean lurch fucking into his mouth. Dean felt the climax coming and with a cry he cummed hard into Castiel's waiting mouth. Castiel swallowed the salty liquid till Dean was soft and panting on the bed. He took his mouth off slowly sliding back up to him and kissing him hard on the lips, Dean tasted himself on his lips and smiled looking up at his excited eyes.

"I love you" Dean murmured trailing his fingers across his jaw.

Castiel felt his heart skip a little at those three words and remembered the very first time he had said those words to him.

~0~

**October 1996.**

"It's beautiful out here" Castiel said kicking the autumn leaves up and spinning around to face Dean as they walked in the park.

Dean smiled at him tugging him on the wrist and bringing him against his chest.

"You look adorable in your little hat" he murmured kissing him softly.

Castiel patted the top of his head and scowled at him.

"I do not"

"Oh you do, anyway, why are we here?"

"I am sick of being stuck indoors and I wanted to talk to you" he said stopping him and holding both of his hands.

Dean swallowed nodding at him looking a little afraid. Castiel smiled reassuringly at him and rubbed his lips together trying to muster the courage.

"We've been together for nearly 7 months around now right?"

"Yeah…?"

"We're good aren't we?"

"Yeah…?" Dean muttered looking very confused.

"So we have a future?"

Dean blinked and shifted a little to peer into his eyes nodding slowly. "Of course we do…where has this come from?"

"Well…you've been distant lately" he murmured clutching his hands casting his eyes down embarrassed. Dean's brow furrowed and he shook his head tilting his chin up towards him.

"I've been busy in the garage, Cas, you know that"

"I know but…"

"Hey, listen to me" he ordered wrapping his arms around his waist and consoling him. "I am not being distant or even trying to avoid you, I've just been busy and time is just passing me by. You've been busy as well choosing your university with your brothers"

"They keep asking me why you never come around"

"Maybe because Gabriel threatens that if I break your heart, he'll cut my balls off and Balthazar is more protective of you! I swear he has given my details to a hit man" Dean said in a worried tone.

Castiel laughed lightly closing his eyes with a smile when he kissed his nose.

"I'm sorry if I have been"

"I forgive you"

"Sam is thinking of going to Stanford already"

"He's 16?" Castiel questioned startled.

"My kid brother, the nerd" he answered with a proud smile. Castiel nodded pulling him down for another kiss.

"It can't get more disgusting" a female voice said and they turned to see Ruby glaring at them as she walked her dog in the park.

"Oh hey, you taking your sister out for a walk?" he said nodding to the miserable dog at her heels.

"Piss off, Dean, at least I am not the joke of the neighbourhood" she hissed at him.

"Oh sweetheart the rumours I have heard about you" Dean scoffed looking her up and down. Castiel sighed looking up at him as he shrugged back at him.

"Him of all people, Castiel" she said shaking her head at him.

"Yes, Ruby, I believe I chose wisely"

Ruby laughed loudly clutching at her side as she looked between them. Dean's eyes hardened and he drew an arm around him protectively.

"Yeah so did I, I mean at least we know what a real relationship is…when was your last one? Not for a long time so I've heard because you are the type to drop your knickers when a guy says so" he said with a sneer. Ruby's face paled and her fists drew together tightly as she turned to face him.

"So yeah I'm the joke of the town but at the least I'm not a little slut like you, Ruby, because you never learn" he boasted at her. "At least I know what love is"

Castiel inhaled sharply looking up at him and Dean grimaced looking back to him realising what had come out of his mouth.

Ruby scoffed dragging her dog with her and looked back to the both of them.

"You are so pathetic, the both of you!" she cried walking away.

"Yeah, yeah" he murmured looking down to Castiel who gaped at him wordlessly.

"You know what love is?" he whispered. Dean scrunched his eyes up palming a hand over them groaning.

"I really didn't want it to come out that way! God, I hate Ruby" he hissed looking over his shoulder to her retreating figure in the distance. Castiel reached out pulling his face back towards him and exhaled slowly.

"Dean…I know what love is too and I don't mean a brotherly love" he murmured.

Silence grew between them and they both blushed looking down at the leaves blowing around their ankles. Dean mumbled something low under his breath catching his attention as he glanced up at him fearfully.

"What was that?"

"Iloveyou" he said quickly and incoherent.

"I'm sorry?" Castiel said laughing when he growled frustrated gripping the top of his shoulders.

"I love you! Okay?" he said loudly and flushing when he realised how loud he was. Castiel grinned at him and kissed him hard. Dean happily kissed him back sliding his tongue against his as they kissed openly and without care in the middle of a public and busy park.

Castiel drew away and opened his eyes slowly bumping his nose against his amused.

"Seven months I have waited for those three little words, I have had, "I like you" "I appreciate you" "I love spending time with you" "I want you more than anything" and now I get what I really want"

"Hey! I meant every one of them" Dean protested with a frown.

"Dean, I love you"

"Now that's what I want to hear" he said with a smile. "Now can we stop acting like big girls in a romantic movie?"

"Of course! Shall we go the gym and lift weights while throwing back beer?" he said in a low gruff voice flexing his arms.

"You're such a dick" he said shaking his head at him looking up at the sky laughing.

"You're an assbutt"

Dean nodded taking his hand and tugging him with him as they walked down the path.

"I was thinking my place" he said with a suggestive wink. Castiel smirked and squeezed his hand tightly in his.

"What about Bobby?"

"Well…Bobby is currently wooing his new lady friend"

"Ellen?"

"Yeah, they've been talking a lot and she's always been a massive help over the years with me and Sammy" he said thoughtfully. "It's about time they got together, Bobby may be a grumpy old drunk but his heart is in the right place and he needs her more than he realises"

Castiel smiled at him as they turned towards town and headed back towards Dean's. He had felt the happiest he had ever been in those seven months and knew it was a memory he never wanted to forget.

"I never want to forget this"

Dean grinned turning to face him and tilted his head to the side.

"Maybe we could forget the Ruby bit?"

"Yeah" he said with a nod wrinkling his nose at the mention of her.

"I promise you, you'll never forget it" he said reaching the house and opening the door pulling him in. "Not with the performance I'm about to show you"

Castiel laughed when he shoved him into the bedroom and onto the bed consummating their declaration.

~0~

Castiel came out of his memory to see Dean getting dressed near the wardrobe. He sighed pushing himself up and looking towards the window.

"I thought it would have stopped snowing by now" he murmured softly.

Dean grimaced with a nod pulling on his t-shirt and hoodie along with it. Castiel felt a smile ghost his lips at the sight of him and he pulled his legs to his chest.

"I love you in that"

Dean looked down and raised a surprised eyebrow at him. "I look scruffy"

"You look gorgeous" he said with a sigh climbing out of the bed throwing on his clothes and pecking him on the lips. "I'll go to Phoebe"

Dean nodded watching him walk out and pulled on his socks humming Metallica.

Castiel ran downstairs to see their two year old chocolate labrador, Phoebe, run towards him.

"Hello" he said scratching behind her ear as she panted and jumped up at him excited. "Are you hungry?"

Phoebe barked at him and followed him into the kitchen wagging her tail fast as he got the can out of the cupboard putting it into the bowl.

Dean came down the stairs and yawned sleepily greeting Phoebe and switching the television on.

"Hey, you want to go town today?"

"What for?"

"Shopping, see a movie, have a look around" Dean muttered flickering through the channels. "It's a Saturday and I really don't want to stay in"

"Okay" Castiel agreed dropping the bowl on the floor and going to the fridge. "What will it be, eggs or bacon?"

"Both" Dean said flashing him a cheeky grin.

Castiel rolled his eyes at him and pulled them both out heading to the cooker. Dean groaned settling into the cushions.

"I knew I made the right decision forcing you to marry me" he joked.

"Bound and gagged" Castiel murmured with a hint of a smile as he prepared their breakfast. Dean glanced towards their wedding photo on the table beside the couch feeling a sense of contentment, his eyes flew towards his own gold band. In all their years of marriage he had not once taken it off, he didn't need to and this little fact made him happy. He had never ever imagined this would be his life, 26 years of age in a healthy and happy relationship with a man he loved.

"Have you heard from Sam?" Castiel called over the radio.

"Nope, the dude is busy studying so I'm not disturbing him. I would rather not talk to him for weeks then have him fail his most important exams"

"We should drive down and see him one day this month; I'd like to see him again"

"You saw him at Bobby's two weeks ago?"

"Sorry for wanting to see your brother and my in-law, Dean"

Dean glared at him and sighed settling into the cushions. "Well what about Gabe and Balthazar?"

"What about them?"

"Is Gabe still in France?

"One more week and he's back, Balthazar is currently shagging the whole of Texas" he said rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"Everyone in Texas?"

"Everyone" he confirmed looking at him with wide eyes.

Dean whistled low fighting back his laughter. "Now should we expect a whole load of babies, STD's and a whole load of stalkers?"

"Yes, yes, and yes" Castiel said walking over to him and handing him an egg and bacon sandwich.

He settled down next to him snatching the remote control, Dean protested smacking his knee lightly. Castiel responded pulling his tongue out at him and flicked over from his car show to a morning chat show. Dean watched him for a moment as he focused on the television and didn't know how to appreciate his luck. I mean how could you possibly know that in a matter of hours you were about to lose the one you loved more than life in more than ways than one?

**A/N: It's a slow lead up towards it! So you'll have to be patient **

**Thank you for your response! More feedback please**!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I changed the dates! In my first chapter I put, **March 1989, **I've changed it to, **March 1996. **Just in case anyone gets confused!

Castiel was in the process of getting ready listening to Dean in the shower singing loudly and out of tune. He smiled fondly looking over to the bathroom when his phone rang loud and demanding; he glanced at the caller I.D and rose an eyebrow answering.

"Gabriel, how ironic, I was speaking about you before"

"Oh really? Was it nice things?" Gabriel said as he kicked back on his bed.

"No, we called you a horrible, horrible, man who likes to trick people, bully people for his own pleasure and laughs about it somewhere across the country swimming in chocolate"

Gabriel was silent for a long minute. "That was one time!"

Castiel snorted sitting down on the bed and smiling gently. "So why did you call me?"

"You heard from Balthazar?"

"No, why have you?"

"No! The posh bastard is somewhere in the middle of Texas ankle deep in women! I need to talk to the dick" he raged thumping the bed like a child.

"I'm sure he'll contact you soon, Gabe, so how's France?"

"Dull, it smells and the French are mean bastards" Gabriel said in a bored voice. "How are you and your beloved?"

Castiel smiled looking up at the bathroom door. "We're good"

"How you have spent 6 whole years fucking the same guy I will never know"

"Because I love him, he's everything to me, and you wouldn't know that now would you?"

"Oh I would! Seriously now, I think me and Balthy got all the details! The first time you and he had sex, the proposal and then…well we were at the wedding but you get the idea"

Castiel blushed hard and covered his eyes with a groan falling back on the bed.

"Wait hold on! I never told you the first time…yes, I told you about the engagement but I did not tell you that!"

Gabriel laughed down the phone and straightened up grinning.

"I walked in the house when you were in the middle of it, Dean is quite the screamer"

"Oh hell" Castiel whispered covering his eyes mortified.

"It was quite funny" he muttered taking a chocolate and popping it in his mouth.

"You told Balthazar?"

"Of course I did, he was quite pissed"

Castiel rolled his eyes picking at the cover. "I'm leaving now"

"Okay, I'll be home in two days and we'll catch up"

"Fine" he said ending the call and throwing the phone on the bed. He hopped up walking towards the bathroom and entering to see Dean rinsing his hair in the shower.

"Can I join you?" he called.

Dean opened his eyes and nodded once with a smirk. Castiel stripped off his clothes stepping in with him; Dean backed up and gripped his shoulder bringing him into the warmth.

"Gabriel just called me" Castiel said shaking the water out of his hair and smiling when Dean lathed soap on his chest.

"How is he?"

"Bored of France" he murmured reaching up and staring at the rosy pink of his lips and kissing him softly. Dean groaned opening his mouth and allowing him entry as he kissed him back. Castiel pushed him against the wall softly trailing his hands down his wet chest and biting down on his bottom lip. Dean gasped gripping the back of his hair feeling heat and arousal pooling in his groin as his cock hardened instantly to his touch.

"Turn around" Castiel hissed at him spinning him around and against the wall. Dean moaned hitting the tiles and pressing his warm forehead against the cold tiles.

"Shit, Cas" he spat out when Castiel moved his hands down his back squeezing his ass cheeks gently kissing down his spine.

"You have no idea how much I love you do you?" he whispered against pink skin tasting the water and shampoo on his tongue.

"I have an idea" Dean gasped out when Castiel wrapped his arm around his waist gripping his cock in his hand pumping slowly.

Dean hissed in a breath throwing his head back leaning on his shoulder as he rolled his hips bucking the wall.

"Cas…please"

"What?" he murmured hotly into his ear.

"Fuck me" he whispered pulling his arm back and gripping the back of his hair. Castiel nodded biting down into his shoulder making him buck and gasp into the tiles; he reached over grabbing the shampoo and using it for lubrication. He squirted a little on his fingers entering his fingers inside him scissoring them together.

"More" Dean whispered breathing hard as Castiel positioned himself and slid inside the hole and hitting the prostrate in one move. Dean let out a keening cry.

"Yes, oh fuck…yes!" he cried slamming his palm against the wall. Castiel smiled kissing the side of his neck privately agreeing with Gabriel, he was a screamer. He reached around sliding his hand up and down Dean's cock as he slammed into him over and over again. The warm water helping as he slid into the hole easily enough feeling Dean move back into him panting hard. Castiel groaned into his back when he felt the climax rising inside him.

"Cas…I'm not…" he said in a soft voice.

"Come for me" Castiel replied grazing his teeth across his skin and Dean obeyed climaxing hard shooting white stripes of cum across his hand and onto the tiled wall. Castiel followed as he gripped Dean's hips tight feeling his orgasm flow through him as he filled Dean. He collapsed leaning against him and moaned sliding out of him and seeing his own cum trickle out of his ass. He chuckled when Dean turned around slowly looking dazed and royally fucked out.

"Amazing as always"

"Good" Castiel murmured tilting his face into the water before moving out of the spray to kiss him.

"We haven't done that in a long time"

"I know, I think our last time was Spain" Dean whispered closing his eyes and grinning. "God that was a dirty weekend"

Castiel bit down on his lip gently nodding slowly. "It was a good weekend but it's not the sex I remember"

Dean smiled kissing up his cheek and nibbling his ear making him squirm and chuckle into his neck.

"Our engagement"

"I can honestly say I had no idea" Castiel said thoughtfully. "You old romantic"

Dean grimaced which flickered slowly into a smile as he remembered also.

~0~

**April 1999**

"Four years together and now you decide we have to come here" Castiel said as they overlooked the sights from their hotel room.

"Madrid, Cas, nothing pleases you"

Castiel rolled his eyes looking back over the sights feeling a sweat rise inside and coat his forehead and arms. It was very hot and stifling for them both.

"I just don't understand why we have come here now? Our anniversary and birthdays are not for ages" Castiel wondered and sniffed when he came behind him wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Because it's a surprise trip! Why are you judgemental today?"

"Maybe because I haven't slept in over 17 hours" he grumbled feeling moody and sleepy. "It's too hot and too noisy to sleep plus you were puking all through the flight as well"

Dean cringed and nodded against his shoulder blades. "I hate planes"

"So we're in Spain?"

"Oh god! Go to sleep now" he ordered shoving him to the bed and watching him fall down scowling up at him.

"You're adorable" Dean said when he turned around and away from him huffing. Dean smirked grabbing the beer off the table and walking outside breathing in the fresh air when he turned back twenty minutes later he saw Castiel snoring softly into the pillow dead from the world.

Dean sat down carefully brushing the hair off his forehead with a small smile. He had brought him here for a reason and this reason was the pestering he had from Sam, Ellen, Jo, and strangely enough Gabriel and Balthazar that he needed to propose to Castiel before he did it.

"Why? We've been together for four years! We don't need a civil partnership" he said to them all but they were insisted that Castiel wanted this more than he ever realised. So Dean threw it back into all their faces and took him away to Spain to do it his own way.

He kicked back resting on the bed waiting for the moment Castiel woke up. It didn't take too long as he dozed on and off to see Castiel two hours later looking up at him.

"Afternoon" he murmured trailing his hands into his hair and stroking it gently. "Feel any better?"

"A little" he said with a yawn sitting up and smiling at him sleepily. "I'm sorry"

"For being moody and tired? Cas, I've had four years"

"The best of your life?"

"So far" he murmured pulling him up and looking outside to see the sun was still in the air and glanced down to his watch to see it was now 4.30pm.

"Fancy a walk?"

"Yes" he said lacing their fingers together and following him out as they exited the hotel and looked out at the river. Castiel smiled darting up to the railing followed by a surprised Dean who peered over with him.

"It's gorgeous" Castiel breathed looking around as people passed by ignoring them. Dean nodded coming behind him and wrapping his arms around him kissing under his ear.

"Do you know what this reminds me of?" Castiel whispered spreading his arms out and climbing on the railings pulling a confused Dean with him.

"I'm flying, Dean!"

Dean laughed throwing his head back as Castiel chuckled with him and they dropped back down on the pavement ignoring people's startled glances at them.

"You are such a freak" Dean said spinning him around and pulling him to his chest as Castiel laughed at him and nodded.

"Titanic was an awful film"

"Those conversations with Balthazar still haunt me" Dean said mocking horror.

"I'm starving" Castiel said suddenly perking up when he smelled food from across the street.

"You got the euros?"

"Yes" he said excitedly as they walked over the café across the road wandering what foods they could possibly have.

~0~

In the distance they heard bells toll signalling it was 9pm as they walked down the local beach hand in hand. Castiel smiled secretly looking over to Dean who was lost in thought staring down at the sand quietly.

"What are you thinking about?"

Dean looked up confused and shook his head. "Just thoughts"

"Care to share with me?" he asked squeezing his hand.

Dean smiled still looking down at the sand and shook his head. "You'll find out"

Castiel blinked and his brow furrowed confused as Dean stopped dragging him towards him and pointing to the sky.

"Moon" he said simply. Castiel nodded sensing a distraction and pulled his head right back looking at the stars dotting the sky and breathed out leaning against Dean's chest.

"I used to love astronomy in school" he breathed in wonder. "I would love to travel amongst the stars and see the wonder that it is space"

Dean snorted pressing his lips against his shoulder. "You've been spending way too much time with Sammy"

"Sam isn't interested in this type of stuff, Dean, this is all me"

"I know you love the stars" Dean confirmed looking back up hearing the waves crash against the sand over and over again feeling a sense of contentment and warmth radiating all over him. He didn't want to ask him now but the opportunity just presented itself as he scanned up and down the beach seeing other people at the other end near a fire. He bit his lip burying his head into Castiel's shoulder and slipped the ring out from his jeans.

"Cas?"

He hummed looking down now and moved towards the sea kicking off his shoes and humming when he waded in.

"What are you doing?"

"It's quite warm" Castiel said turning around to face him. "Fancy a dip?"

"You can't be serious" he muttered looking at the black sea with unease.

Castiel laughed holding his arms out for him. Dean stared at him in his simple blue t-shirt and white shorts he demanded to wear feeling a little disgruntled but gave in kicking off his own shoes and coming in soaking the jeans he demanded to wear.

"Why don't you just take them off?"

"Nope, already wet and I'm not getting arrested by foreign police for being naked in the sea with you"

"I'm not wet" Castiel said looking down and gasping in horror when Dean tackled him into the sea. The water covered them and he gasped standing up staring at Dean in shock.

"Why would you do that?"

Dean covered his mouth shaking with uncontrollable laughter thankful the ring was secure on his own finger for now.

"I'm sorry, baby" he said reaching out a hand for him as Castiel waded over accepting it and shaking his head spraying salt water over them. Dean wrinkled his nose as he swallowed it by accident not noticing when Castiel kicked under his legs bringing them both down as they fell into the water with a splash. Dean spluttered with laughter when Castiel landed next to him with a huff. Dean gave up lying in the sand with Castiel as the water surrounded them.

"I'm thankful for no sharks and warm water" he murmured.

"You watch far too much shark week" Castiel said closing his eyes and struggling to get up. Dean pulled him down and rolled him onto his back shaking his head quickly.

"No, I need to ask you something" he whispered.

"Well can you ask it when I'm not about to drown?" he said looking at the water. Dean rolled his eyes grabbing his hands and pulling him up with him as they stood near the water dripping wet and shivering lightly when he pulled off the ring holding it in front of him.

"We're wet, we're in the middle of a foreign country but we're underneath the stars and you've never looked so good" he murmured brushing back his wet hair. Castiel flushed pink looking up at him gobsmacked, his eyes bright with excitement and shock.

"I wanted to do this a different way but who cares? I want to do it now and I want you to know how much I love you" he whispered gently. He coughed feeling like a girl but pushed it away as he stared into those baby blue eyes that made him want to melt and do anything for them.

"So do me a favour, marry me?" he muttered with a smirk when Castiel gaped at him taking it off him gently and smiling at him.

"This is why…"

"Yeah, I was going to make it more special" he said with a shrug. Castiel looked at themselves and around shaking his head slowly.

"It's perfect, you assbutt" he whispered in a shaky voice and nodded. "Yes"

Dean grinned at him sliding the ring on his finger and swallowing stepping back appraising it.

"I'm such a sappy fuck!"

Castiel chuckled loudly jumping into his arms tackling him as they kissed passionately ignoring the whooping from the teenagers across the beach watching the scene.

"I love you" Castiel whispered tasting the salt water on his lips.

"Good" Dean said pushing him into the water with a chuckle and joined him for an extra swim.

~0~

They came out of the memory and Dean glanced to Castiel who smiled up at him.

"Are you ready?" Dean murmured stepping outside and moving towards the car as Castiel said goodbye to a crying Phoebe. "You spoil her too much"

"She's our dog"

"No, you're her favourite that's why?" he said pushing snow of the windscreen with a sigh. "Maybe this was a bad idea?"

"What? Come on, Dean, it'll be fine"

Dean swallowed and shrugged getting into the car with a sigh starting her up as they drove into town. Dean stuck ACDC on and grinned at him when Castiel sighed folding his arms over and kicking back in the seat.

"You love it"

"I really don't" Castiel argued back looking at the passing street. Dean reached out squeezing his knee gently knowing it was his weak spot. He squirmed scowling at him deeply when he sang along.

"I'm begging you to stop"

"Never!" Dean said continuing on as he drummed his hands on the steering wheel.

"I'm divorcing you" Castiel yelled over the music and his voice. Dean laughed turning to look at him and sniffed turning it down and poking his side.

"Do you still love me?"

"No" Castiel said folding over his arms. Dean rolled his eyes back to the front and gripped the steering wheel knowing this mood wouldn't fade too fast.

The rest of the drive was filled with silence as they drove to the city centre and got out of the car moving towards it.

"Are you going to stay moody with me? I haven't done anything wrong, Cas" Dean argued with him.

"You know I don't like it"

"Oh I know but like I say to Sammy every time he gets in, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole"

Hard eyes flew towards him not amused in the slightest as they walked down the street being careful in the snow. The silence and tension grew too much for Dean who stopped him in the middle of the street.

"Stop it, please? I hate fighting with you over nothing" Dean said tilting his head at him. "Can I make it up to you?"

Castiel stared up at him for a long moment before pursuing his lips with a pop and nodded.

"That jacket…" he said sliding off and looking up at him hopefully.

"The $150 one?" Dean said annoyed now seeing through his little game plan.

"Buy me that and I'll forgive you"

"For doing what?"

"Having god awful taste" he joked coming with him when Dean huffed and walked towards the shop to buy him the jacket he wanted so badly. Dean handed him the bag and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Happy?"

"Thank you" he said gruffly pulling him into a kiss.

"Yeah, yeah" he murmured against his lips as Castiel beamed happily. Dean knew from the beginning that Castiel would push his buttons over and over again without a second thought; he made him a pushover and a sappy guy.

"Let's go see Bobby and Ellen" Castiel said excitedly. "I want to see them"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" he said with a nod as they headed back to the car again to drive the hour back to Bobby's yard. They got in and Dean turned it onto the radio flashing a look over to Castiel who smiled back at him innocently. Dean was concerned about the snow as he saw a car in the lane next to them skid and swallowed down his fear knowing they would be alright. He looked ahead and sighed glancing at the traffic lights going red.

Castiel stroked his jacket feeling a wave of love and affection for Dean who parked and turned towards him.

"Do you love me now?"

Castiel unbuckled his seat belt leaning over and taking his face between his hands leaning his forehead against Dean's.

"I'll never stop loving you" he whispered to Dean. Dean moved in kissing him softly without care in the world.

Neither one of them heard the screech of brakes, the skid of tyres nor the impact as it smashed into the side of the car. It wasn't slow like in the movies and it was just as tragic as it looked to the passer-by's who screamed in shock. They lay unconscious Dean bleeding out blood while Castiel lay next to him bleeding out not only blood but a lifetime.

**A/N: Oh god. I actually cried a little writing that… I meant to drag it out but my hands wouldn't stop typing, seriously. **

**It's hitting so close to home this! Hopefully amnesia!castiel in the show isn't so bad and they can get his memory back.**

**Anyway, feedback please! I love your reviews. **


	4. Chapter 4

Dean doesn't know what the day is, the month or even the year is right now as he feels white hot pain lash through his body. Blackness surrounds him and he moans reaching out into nothing feeling cool hands clasp around his wrist.

"Cas" he moaned feeling fear strike his heart as he panicked opening his eyes to see concerned faces looking down at him. "Cas? Where-where's my…Where's my Cas?"

"Mr Winchester, my name is Maria and you are at the hospital" a soothing voice said calming him down as he struggled to sit up.

"Where's Cas?" he shouted up at her as she pushed him back down.

"Mr Winchester, we must insist you calm down"

A sharp pain struck the side of his head and he groaned feeling nausea stir inside him, Maria noticed shoving a brown bowl under his mouth as he vomited into it. She rubbed his back gently as he finished falling back down.

"How do you know my name?"

"The paramedics took your phone off you and made a few calls to what they hoped where family members"

"Are they…"

"They are in the waiting room, do you remember what happened?" she asked.

Dean closed his eyes still tasting the acidic taste of sick in his mouth and nodded slowly. "Something hit us"

"A truck skidded on an icy patch when breaking and it slammed right into you"

"How long have I been out?"

"Around four hours, you've remained unscathed a few bruises and cuts and a nasty bump on the head but you're lucky" she said scribbling notes down on her board. "But try not to sleep, you may have concussion"

"Castiel…my husband, where is he? Is he okay? He isn't…" he said trailing off when his words choked him.

Maria glanced up towards the doors and moved towards him resting a hand on his arm.

"Your husband took more of the impact and has suffered severe head trauma and massive amounts of blood loss" she said sympathetically. "He's in a coma"

"What?" he breathed sitting up and wincing a little at the pain in his ribs and stared up at her. "Is he okay though?"

"He's stable"

"I need to see him" Dean said getting out of the bed. "Take me to him right now, I'll live"

Maria frowned at him roaming an eye over him before nodding him and leading him to a private room down the hall. Dean peered in and swallowed hard seeing him lying there surrounded by machines and unconscious. He saw white gauze covering his forehead and frowned walking over and ignoring Maria's protests he peeked under it to see a large gash in his forehead.

"It's not deep but it will scar"

"Like that freaking Harry Potter" he murmured stroking a hand down his cheek. "Baby, can you hear me?"

Castiel remained still breathing in and out as he breathed through a breathing tube in his nose.

"Your family is in the waiting room" she reminded him and he nodded bending down and pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I'll be right back" he murmured. "I love you"

Dean nodded at her as he looked back to Castiel feeling fear creep into his heart as he exited the room and headed towards the waiting room to see Sam, Ellen, Bobby, Jo waiting for him.

"Dean" Sam said jumping up and placing two big hands on his shoulders. "I got a call from a paramedic to say you and Cas have been in a car accident"

"Yeah" he said wincing a little until Sam noticed and removed his hands. "I'm alright but, Cas is in…he's in a coma"

Ellen looked to Bobby who patted her on the shoulder leaning against her gently.

"Is he going to be alright?" Jo said squeezing his hand.

"Who knows" he murmured softly. "But I really hope so"

"He'll be fine, son" Bobby said gently and Dean glanced up to him with a nod.

"I'm going back to him" Dean muttered turning his back on them feeling like he was in a daze or a dream. He swallowed thickly walking back to the room and dropped down on the seat clasping his hand kissing his knuckles gently.

"Please wake the hell up" he murmured squeezing his hand. "The joke is over now"

Dean rested his lips against his knuckles and closed his eyes feeling waves of sickness overcome him and watched him sleep.

A hand touched his shoulder and he glanced up to see Sam by his side.

"Do Balthazar and Gabriel know?"

"I don't think so…could you…?" he said patting his phone and pulling it out surprised. Sam nodded taking it off him and dialling Gabriel's number.

"Yo!" Gabriel said happily.

"Gabriel, it's Sam here" Sam said walking out of the room and back into the waiting room meeting the curious expressions of his family.

"Sam? What's up?" he said surprised.

"It's Castiel and Dean" he said simply listening to the silence at the end for a long minute.

"What's happened?" Gabriel whispered.

"They had a car accident, Castiel's in a coma" he murmured softly turning his back on them all and listening to the quickening breath of Gabriel.

"What the hell…I spoke to him this morning!" he said shouting now.

"It was a couple of hours ago now, Dean was out cold and I couldn't get to you"

"How is Dean?"

"A few bumps and bruises but he's okay, Cas has a head trauma" he said scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I can't believe this" he whispered and the jumped up grabbing his bag. "I'm leaving on the first flight and try and get hold of that wanker, Balthazar"

"We'll see you soon" Sam said softly. "I'm sure he'll be fine"

Gabriel stood up straight and licked his lips nodding. "I know, he's a fighter, always has been"

Sam heard the click of the phone and the dial tone before dropping the phone from his ear turning to Ellen who smiled sadly at him.

"Gabe is on his way"

"Good, he'll need his brothers"

Sam nodded looking away from her exhaling a held in breath wondering how to say the words.

"What if he doesn't make it? What if he doesn't wake up?"

"Hey! You can't think like that" Ellen said pointing a warning finger at him. "Dean needs us right now and you can't go spouting all that talk"

"Dean won't be able to cope" Sam said in a tiny voice.

Ellen sighed and nodded bringing him into a tight hug. "I know but he'll wake up, he'll do it for Dean"

Sam nodded hugging her back gently and let go of her to return back to Dean who was praying inwardly for the first time in 10 years.

~0~

Dean didn't know what was happening outside or inside as he stared at Castiel for what was the 10,000th time watching his progress. It had been a week now and there was no sign of him awaking him for his coma, doctors and nurses were constantly telling him not to worry and let his body heal so he can wake up. They allowed him to sleep in the bed next to him as long as no one needed it and thankfully they hadn't.

A knock on the door startled him and he looked up to see Gabriel and Balthazar walking in holding a white bag.

"What's that?" he murmured sitting up looking over to him.

"Not for nothing but you look like shit" Balthazar murmured looking him up and down. Dean now supported fine stubble, his eyes were tired and had black bags underneath and his clothes were rumpled.

"My husband and your brother is in coma" he snapped.

Balthazar looked away from him walking to the other side of the bed staring down at him as Gabriel took out some smelling oils handing it over to him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Seeing if our Cassie responds to smelling oils" Balthazar said with a smile uncorking it and holding it over his nose. Dean waited with baited breath but they got no reaction.

"Damn" Balthazar said straightening up.

"You should get cleaned up" Gabriel said looking over to him.

"I don't want to leave him"

"I know but, Deano, you're stinking out the room" he said wrinkling his nose. "If anything happens, we'll call"

Dean sighed pushing himself up and pointed a warning finger at both of them. "Any change at all and you call me"

Balthazar rolled his eyes turning to look out the window when Dean flipped him the finger and kissed Castiel's forehead. Over the years there had been no love lost between Dean and Balthazar, their arguments often resolved Dean's hatred for the older and protective brother.

"I'll be right back" he murmured stroking his cheek before turning on his heel and heading back home for a shower and a shave.

The taxi back was daunting as he missed his car and wondered how the progress was back at the yard with Bobby but pushed it away as he paid the driver. He opened the front door and was greeted by a very excited Phoebe and a concerned Sam.

"Thanks for this" Dean murmured bending down and stroking Phoebe who whined under his touch. "Hey girl, are you missing us?"

"She's been fine and I think so, she keeps sleeping in your room" Sam said wiping his hands on a tea towel. "How is he?"

"Balthazar and Gabriel are watching over him while I shower"

"You do smell" Sam said with a smirk for him.

Dean smiled but it didn't reach his eyes as he threw the ball for Phoebe and walked up the stairs. Sam sighed watching her and smiling when she came to his feet.

"They'll be home soon" he said looking up the stairs.

Dean sighed entering the room raking his hands through his hair feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He dropped down on the bed burying his face into Castiel's pillow inhaling the shampoo and faint smell of his aftershave groaning gently.

"Please wake up" he murmured turning his face feeling his heart ache in longing. He would do anything to see those blue eyes staring up at him again, Dean moved throwing off his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist as he headed into the shower. He felt an old bang when he thought of last week and his eyes burned furiously.

"We should have never left the house" he whispered turning on the shower. All he wanted was Castiel awake, alive, and talking to him all over again and all he had was a comatose husband. His guilt didn't weaken it only grew stronger as he felt it over Castiel and now Sam who was staying on to look after the dog and him ignoring his personal studies. Sam refused to go back claiming he would be okay for his upcoming exam in a few weeks and his first and only priority right now was his family.

Dean scrubbed hard and positioned his face under the water feeling the warmth numb his aching head and looked down with a sigh. He wasn't a religious man and after the death of both parents he chose to believe there was no God but that didn't stop him praying.

"Come on, I'm believing just this once and you're ignoring me here!" he hissed a prayer staring up at the white ceiling. "You want me to believe? Then you bring him back, I love him far too much to let him go and you do your fucking job!"

Dean grabbed the razor shaving off his stubble feeling angrier by the minute and only got the satisfaction he deserved when he finished and threw the mirror against the wall. It smashed hard against the wall and he sighed feeling a trickle of relief flowing through him.

"Dean?" Sam said knocking on the door alarmed.

"It's alright, Sammy, I've just…I smashed a mirror" he murmured. "Got myself about 7 years bad luck though"

Sam let his forehead rest against the panel of the door in his own relief. Dean wrapped a towel around his waist and opened it up to see a startled Sam.

"You mind?" Dean said annoyed when he shuffled back and darted away back downstairs. Dean quickly dried and threw on a pair of clean clothes and grabbed his keys heading back downstairs.

"You want anything to eat?"

"Nah" he murmured wrinkling his nose and greeting Phoebe who jumped up at him barking loudly.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be home soon" he said scratching behind her ear. "Be good"

She jumped down running into the kitchen and he smiled amused before looking up to Sam who nodded at him.

"I'll be back tomorrow, thanks for this Sam"

"You're my brother" he said simply with a shrug. "You need me"

"Yeah" he said with a nod opening the door and dialling a number for a taxi back to the hospital feeling something new settling in his stomach and he hoped it might be hope.

~0~

It was 9pm when Dean settled back into his chair reading some book one of the nurses gave to him out of interest. It was quiet on the ward and the occasional nurse would come into to check his meds and his machines saying a quick "hello" and leaving out the door.

He sighed looking over to him and cursed his new feeling of hope again; he wasn't waking up anytime soon. He took his phone out to see three new messages from, Gabriel, Ellen, and Sam all asking for any information. Dean sighed putting it on the side next to him turning back to his book not seeing the reason to text back and tell them nothing had changed, nothing would change.

Castiel felt like he was swimming in treacle, everything hurt all over and his head sparked pain occasionally. All he wanted to do is open his eyes and he couldn't seem to do that. He sighed reaching out and heard what sounded like a scuffle and something tugging on his hand.

He moaned reaching out for something, anything, but found nothing as he struggled to open his eyes but to what?

Dean didn't notice his hand twitching the first time but when Castiel hit him gently reaching out he leaped out of his feet throwing the book down clasping his hand.

"Cas? Baby?" he said when he moaned turning his head. "Okay…nurse"

Dean dropped his hand darting towards the door and finding the nurse at her station.

"I think he's waking up!" he shouted at her as she jumped up alarmed heading towards him.

The nurse entered to see him tossing his head back and forth still not awake.

"It may be a nightmare" she murmured resting a hand on his forehead. "Castiel? Castiel, if you can hear me open your eyes"

Castiel heard the strange unknown voice and opened his eyes carefully to see a blur of colour and two faces staring back at him. He groaned feeling a pain in the centre of his forehead scream back to life.

Dean's relief flooded through him as Castiel stared between them confused.

"Castiel, my name is Maria, I am one of nurses here in Lawrence Memorial Hospital, do you remember what happened to you?" she said to him.

"My head really hurts" he said in a croaky voice. Dean circled the bed staring at him as he took in the fact he was actually awake and looked up at the ceiling.

"Thank you" he mouthed and glanced back to Castiel who was still staring at the nurse.

"You were in a car accident, Castiel, you suffered some severe head trauma and you've been in a coma for a week now"

"Was anyone else hurt, doctor?" he said looking up at Dean who blinked at him.

"What?"

Castiel's brow furrowed and he glanced at the nurse who was also frowning at him.

"I asked if anyone else was hurt, where was I when this happened?" he asked swallowing hard. Dean looked up at the nurse in horror as she circled the bed pushing Dean out of the way.

"Okay, Castiel, look at me and only me. I want you to answer a few questions for me"

Castiel nodded slowly feeling his panic rise inside him, why couldn't he remember the accident, who were these people around him and why did he hurt so much?

"What is your name?"

"Castiel Novak" he whispered back at her.

Dean blinked startled and slowly shook his head, he forgot the added, "Winchester" in his name.

"How old are you?"

"I'm…26?" he whispered back up to her brow furrowed.

"Okay, good, now Castiel what was the last thing you remember"

"I don't know"

"Do you remember the accident?"

"No"

"What can you remember?"

"Nothing" he said his voice cracking.

Maria turned to look at Dean for a moment before turning back to Castiel.

"That gentleman over there, do you know who he is?"

Castiel turned his head towards the man and shook his head slowly.

"No, who is he?" he murmured up to her.

Dean stepped forward feeling a tremor run over him as he stared down into those blue eyes and his heart, stomach, lungs and every organ in his body dropped down to his feet when he saw no recognition, no love, and no relief.

"Cas, it's me"

Castiel shook his head looking towards Maria and back up to Dean.

"Who are you?"

Dean covered his mouth backing away looking to Maria who looked back to him shocked.

"Tell me this is some sort of sick, fucked up, joke" he hissed at her.

"I need the doctor" she said running out of the room. He stared after her before turning towards Castiel who looked so scared and so vulnerable in the bed staring at him with frightened eyes. Dean didn't know how to feel, he was so numb, so in shock and so in denial as he walked over and sat down heavily on the chair. Castiel backed away from him in bed alarmed as Dean moved forward.

"I'm Dean Winchester, Cas, I'm your husband" he said staring into those eyes, those eyes he had prayed and wished so hard to see and he got his wish but not all of it.

"My husband" he murmured and shook his head. "But I don't know who you are"

"You do" Dean said pointing at his hand and grabbing it gently holding it up to show him the wedding ring.

Castiel inhaled sharply staring at the ring and back to Dean shaking his head.

"But I don't know who you are…who the hell are you?" he shouted at him alarmed moving far away from him.

Dean jumped up needing to get out of there as the doctor came in and he shoved him away speeding down the hall rounding the corner breathing hard. He turned breathing out slowly leaning against the cold wall and feeling his heart slam against his rib cage again and again. A hot sweat rose over him on his skin as Castiel' words screamed in his ears.

"_Who the hell are you!"_

He kicked the wall angrily over and over again before giving up and falling back against the opposite side of the wall breathing hard. His foot ached and he felt exhausted as he brought his hand up staring at the wedding ring on his finger.

"Mr Winchester?" Maria said standing over him as he stared at the wedding ring.

"He doesn't remember me" he said in a dull voice.

"It seems Mr Novak has suffered some memory loss due to his head trauma" she said softly and looking at him when he stood up.

"Memory loss?"

"Yes, he doesn't seem to remember anything right now but it will slowly come back to him"

"How bad is it?" he whispered.

"We won't know till we run further tests but from what we know now, it's severe"

"How severe?" he murmured gripping the back of his neck.

"He has no memory of you, the car accident, and no memory of the last years of his life"

"Nothing?"

"He mentioned a name"

"What name?" he said leaning towards her.

"Gabriel" she said with a shrug.

Dean inhaled staring down the corridor and nodded. "He would remember only his brother…will he get them back?"

"It depends…"

"What does that mean!" he shouted at her getting alarmed looks from doctors and patients still awake.

"It will take time! Memory and the brain are a precious thing, Mr Winchester, your husband has been through an ordeal that I am afraid has affected him mentally and physically" Maria said placing a hand on his shoulder ignoring when Dean attempted to shove it off. "You need to be there for him, he may or may not remember in time but you need to give him that"

Dean nodded feeling the burn of emotion in his throat and eyes. "I know"

Castiel sat in the empty room staring at the gold band on his finger confused. Where did it come from? Who was that man? He shifted uncomfortable when he saw the man who called himself, Dean, walk in and smile at him softly.

"Hey, Cas" he murmured sitting down exhaling his breath. "I know you can't remember me right now but…we're married and we have been for six years"

"Six years?" he breathed horrified staring down at the ring. "How is that possible?"

"What is the last thing you remember?"

Castiel closed his eyes seeing the scene before him. "I'm younger I think and I'm with two men…I remember the names, Gabriel and Balthazar, we're in the middle of the country"

Dean felt realisation flood through him and he swallowed nodding. "You took a trip in school for two week with your brothers"

"Yes, it feels like yesterday" he murmured looking down at his gown and picking at it confused. "I have no memory of you, sir"

Dean felt a shudder run through him and fought back his nausea as he looked back up at him and shook his head.

"Dean, you have to call me, Dean" he said sharply and softened his tone when Castiel backed away from him.

"I'm Dean, okay? We're together, Cas, we have been for a long time and I don't…I don't understand how you can just forget six years of your life but remember a trip before we met?" he said in a desperate tone clutching his hair looking down at the bed. "I'm so fucking in love with you and…do you feel anything at all for me?"

Castiel swallowed shaking his head and feeling a wave of sadness when Dean moaned pressing his hands over his eyes. It was silent and awkward for Castiel as he fingered twisting the ring on his finger.

Dean stared down at the white bedding for a long minute before looking up to Castiel's wet eyes as he cried silently.

"Cas?"

"I don't know who I am" he sobbed looking over to him. "I don't know how I got here, I don't know who you are and you claim to be my husband, we're married, and I don't-I don't…" he said trailing off as his tears coated his throat.

Dean climbed onto the bed slowly taking him into his arms and sighing in relief when Castiel allowed it sobbing into his shoulder.

"I'm here, I'll always be here and I'm going to fix this like I always do" he whispered into his hair. "You will remember"

Castiel didn't know how to feel as he cried into the strangers shoulder letting him hold him and listened to his words not knowing whether to trust him and had never felt so afraid in his life or what he could remember.

This was just the beginning.

**A/N: It's like an angst festival here. **

**Anyway, reviews please! Tell me if you like it or not? I have the feeling people don't like it…**


	5. Chapter 5

Dean stared at Castiel as he slept in the bed peacefully unaware of the pain he had caused. Dean's shoulder was still damp from the tears Castiel cried till he sobered up and passed out exhausted. His phone hung heavily in his hand after making a dozen calls to everyone to get down to the hospital now.

Dean inhaled shakily and stood up stroking Castiel's hair gently watching him moan and shift in his sleep and he let out his breath feeling an agonising kick to his gut.

"How can you just forget me?" he whispered carefully sitting on the bed. "How can you forget six years? It makes no sense".

He continued to stroke his hair feeling the softness underneath his fingers and sighed wondering if he would be able to do this anymore.

A knock startled him and he looked up to see Sam, Ellen and Bobby staring at him.

"What's happened, son?" Bobby said stepping in tucking his hands into his pockets. Dean swallowed staring down at him and stroked his cheek gently before looking up to them all.

"Cas has memory loss, a severe case apparently, he's forgotten me and six years of his life" he said in a dead voice.

"What?" Sam said shocked stepping forward. "He's…what?"

"Don't believe me?" he said with wide eyes and shook Castiel gently on the shoulder. He stirred staring up at him confused and blinked moving away from him.

"Oh" he breathed shaking his head and looking around and squeaking a little as he sat up.

"Who-who are these people?" he said gesturing at them and looking to Dean who was now looking at a horrified, Sam, Ellen and Bobby.

"These are my family, Cas, your in-laws" he murmured touching his hand gently. "That's Sam, he's my younger brother and that is Ellen, she's the wife of that other man there, Bobby Singer"

Castiel exhaled shakily clutching the blanket he had wrapped around him and nodded at them.

"Hello" he murmured.

Sam stepped forward open mouthed and looked down at him. "Hey, do you really not remember a thing?"

"No" he said shaking his head feeling very overcrowded and intimidated by these strangers in his room. "Where are my brothers?"

"His last memory is of a trip before we met, he remembers Gabriel and Balthazar"

"Why are you talking like I'm not even here?" Castiel demanded folding his arms over irritated. Dean smirked at him and looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back up to him.

"I was just explaining" he said softly.

Sam bit his lip glancing over to Ellen and Bobby who were also showing concern for Dean.

"Dean, we need a word" Ellen said nodding at Castiel and indicating at him to follow her. Dean nodded looking back to Castiel who was staring down at his hands ignoring them all. Dean shut the door carefully behind them and prepared for the onslaughter.

"Dean, there is no recognition in those boys eyes!" Ellen said pointing at the door. "He has no idea who you are!"

"Don't you think I know that!" he hissed back at her. "I have just spent hours going over this in my head and the doctor said it's rare but it does happen. Ellen, he wasn't wearing his seatbelt at all when it happened and he has a head trauma"

"Dean…" Sam started to say but Dean stopped him staring at each of them in turn.

"I don't care what you say, he's my husband, he's my Cas, that Cas in there is exactly the same. Everything he does, everything he says is just the same and I still love him. I'm going to get him back"

"How?" Bobby questioned.

"I'm going to make him fall in love with me all over again" he said with a proud smile. "I did it once, I can do it again"

Sam threw him a doubtful look glancing over to Ellen who shrugged.

"You really think you can get a person who has forgotten six years' worth of memories to fall back in love with you?"

"I'm going to try" he said determined. "I can tell him everything, I can show him what we were and what we can be all over again…I can't lose him over this, I can't".

The three of them looked doubtful but agreed to help and support him.

"Dean!" a voice shouted and they all turned to see Gabriel and Balthazar heading towards them. Dean rubbed his forehead and nodded at them.

"He's awake?" Balthazar said slightly breathless.

"Yeah, yeah he his, but listen there's something I've gotta tell you first" he said halting them. "Cas is suffering from memory loss"

Gabriel's eyes widened and he looked in through the glass of the door confused. "Memory loss? How?"

"I don't know but when he woke up he didn't know who I was"

Two pair of eyes flew towards him shocked and he nodded sadly. "He remembers nothing; he's forgotten six years' worth of memories and has no recollection of the accident only one thing"

"What thing?" Balthazar said curiously.

"You two, he remembers the trip you took before we met"

"The one when we went camping?" Gabriel said looking up to Balthazar who shrugged.

"Go ask him" Dean said nodding at the door.

Balthazar opened the door walking in cautiously followed by Gabriel.

"Hey, bro" Gabriel said and smiled when he looked up at them in relief.

"I remember you" he breathed with a smile.

Dean felt a pang inside and hovered outside watching as Castiel smiled at them both.

"What do you remember?"

"Not much, all I can remember is a trip when I was younger and we were camping…apart from that it's like waking up from a very, very, long sleep and waking up six years in the future to be married to a man I don't know" he murmured stroking the gold band and sighed looking up to them. "Is it true? Am I really married to that Dean?"

"Yes" Gabriel said with a nod. "You got married nearly three years over in a small ceremony, but it's not just marriage, Cas, you've known him for a long time now"

"Not anymore" Balthazar injected getting an annoyed look from Gabriel.

"You'll remember" Gabriel said with a nod.

"I don't know" Castiel said doubtful. "What happens now?"

Dean stepped in the room licking his bottom lip nervously. "The doctors want to keep you in for further tests?"

"Why?"

"Because you've lost all your memories and they're concerned" Dean said gently.

Castiel looked away from him and down to the floor still fiddling with his wedding ring.

"I want to be left alone" he said in a small voice.

"Cassie…" Balthazar said surprised.

"Go away" he muttered still not looking at them.

"Out" Dean ordered pointing at the both of them and followed suit as they exited the room shutting the door.

"Holy shit" Gabriel breathed turning around to face Dean. "I can't believe this happening"

"Welcome to my world, I'm hoping this is my coma" he murmured raking a hand into his hair.

"They'll return…right?" Sam said standing at his brother's shoulder.

"Who knows, maybe in time" Ellen injected.

Dean stared into nothing feeling nothing but a dull ache in his heart he longed to push away and hide but it beat on.

"Look it's nearly 11pm; you should all go and come back tomorrow"

"What are you going to do?"

"Stay here with him, talk to him" he murmured with a sniff looking up to Sam. "I'll see you tomorrow"

Sam stepped forward pulling him into a tight hug, Dean clung to him for a moment before letting go and smiling gently at him.

"Thanks" he murmured softly. He said his goodbyes to Ellen and Bobby and they walked back down the corridor insisting they would be back later on. Dean turned to Gabriel and Balthazar and gestured at them.

"You two as well, go home, sleep, and maybe we might have a little progress in the morning"

"What about when he comes home?"

"He'll come with me"

"You think that's wise?" Balthazar said folding his arms.

"Yes because despite what you think and feel, Balthazar, he's my family, he's my husband, and I'll take him home"

"He doesn't know you now" he spat back at him. "He's forgot you! That's how much you mean to him"

Dean stepped towards him only to be stopped by Gabriel who shoved them away from each other.

"Stop right now!" he hissed at them both. "Balthazar, you are bang out of order now get the fuck out!"

Balthazar glared for a moment before sighing and mumbling "sorry" and walking away.

"He didn't mean it"

"Yeah he did" Dean said rubbing the back of his neck. "He's right"

"No he isn't, Dean, he's upset and exhausted from being up all night worrying about him"

Dean sighed nodding at him and waved a hand stalking down the other end of the corridor. Gabriel lingered for a moment watching his retreating figure; he peered into the window to see Castiel with wet eyes staring at his hand again.

~0~

Half an hour passed before Dean entered the room again to see Castiel lying back on the pillows sleeping. He sighed sitting in the seat next to him and blinked alarmed when his eyes opened to watch him.

"Hey" Dean murmured not making a move despite wanting to do nothing more but lean over and kiss him breathless.

"We're truly married then"

"Don't trust me?"

"I don't know you"

Dean nodded sadly and felt his breath hitch as his glanced up at the white ceiling.

"I know you don't right now but…but you do know me, Cas, you know me very well"

"How well?" he whispered.

"Inside and out, you know me better than I know myself" he whispered back to him feeling tears burn his eyes as he stared at him. "We got together in college, I knew you throughout high school but it was only the last year I saw you and I knew I wanted you"

Castiel looked away from him and swallowed hard. "It's hard to hear that"

"Why?"

"Because I can't remember it" he murmured quietly. "I had a dream before…"

"What was it about?" Dean said interested.

"It made no sense"

"To you maybe but not to me" he said leaning forward and peering into his eyes. He saw pain and confusion and his chest ached painfully, he reached out touching his hand and smiled at him.

"You can trust me, I love you and I'm your partner" he said giving him knowing eyes. Castiel fidgeted moving his hand away and curling it towards him. Dean blinked moving his own hand back trying not to take the rejection too hard.

"It was just images, pain, laughing…" he murmured softly picking at his blanket. "It made no sense to me"

"Or me" Dean joked closing his eyes.

"What happens when I get out of the hospital, I have no idea what I'm doing, what I am, and where I live…I'm scared" he said suddenly startling Dean out his daze. Dean moved out of his seat sitting on the bed and looking into his eyes.

"That's why I'm here but you've got to try and trust me, I know it's difficult and you're afraid and I know the feeling because I am too" he murmured wrapping a hand around his wrist. "I'm here to help, I'm gonna get you back, Cas"

"How?" he breathed being dragged up and sitting up staring at him confused and a little disgruntled.

"Because I am going to break all the odds, I'm going to make you fall in love with me all over again" he whispered cupping the back of his neck. "I'm going to show you our life, what we built together and what we are to each other"

"I don't know if I can" he said looking down from him.

"You can…you're an accountant, that's your job. We live in a little house here in Lawrence, Kansas with a dog called Phoebe"

Castiel's breathing had quickened and his eyes widened in horror and surprise at his words.

"You'll meet her soon and she just adores you and you adore her…believe me when I tell you that you're going to fall in love with her all over again" Dean said with a quick smile.

A tear trickled out of Castiel's eye as he looked away from him.

"Baby" he breathed stroking it away and halting when he flinched away from him.

"Don't" he whispered shaking his head at him. "I want to sleep, I want you to leave me please, I need to think"

"Are you sure, Cas, I can…"

"Leave me alone" he whispered harshly at him and turned on his side showing him his back. Dean's hand hung in the air and he nodded at him getting up off the bed slowly looking over his shoulder to his stiff posture.

Castiel stared ahead at the beige wall hearing him open the door and stop looking back to him.

"Night, Cas"

Castiel didn't reply and heard the click of the door behind him. He rubbed a hand under his eye feeling an unfamiliar burn in his heart as he settled into the cushions wanting nothing more but oblivion and peace.

Dean leaned against the wall and for the first time in a very long week he felt tears burn up and one slide down his cheek as the burn of rejection, loneliness and the overwhelming challenge facing him of making the love of his life fall back in love with him took its toll.

His legs gave way as he slid down the wall and landed in a heap on the floor hidden from view as he cried harder than he had ever imagined into his hand feeling heartbreak for the very first time.

**A/N: Oh god…**

**Thank you for all the reviews! Keep them coming! Please? I love feedback on all my chapters.**


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel woke up from his sleep to hear the buzz of the television next to him and turned his head to see Dean eating grapes out of bag staring transfixed at the TV. He sighed rolling over to face him and watched as Dean looked towards him with a smile.

"Morning, gorgeous" he muttered throwing a grape at him.

"Where did you get the grapes?"

"From the canteen, a little old lady gave them to me and honestly said, "Take these fucking grapes, why does she always get my fucking grapes" and walked off" he said with a smirk popping one in his mouth.

Castiel couldn't help but smile back at him for a moment before rubbing his head wincing.

"What's wrong?" Dean said concerned dropping the bag on the table.

"Headache"

"How's your cut?" Dean murmured getting up and sitting on the bed peeling back the gauze and wrinkling his nose at the week old cut. "It looks okay but it'll probably scar"

Castiel swallowed moving away from him as he stroked his forehead gently. Dean sighed climbing off and flopping back down in the chair. After his breakdown last night he returned to the room sleeping in the opposite bed listening to the gentle snores coming from Castiel and only managed a few hours' sleep.

"I want to get out of here, I feel okay"

"Cas, you've lost your memories, you can't leave just yet"

"I am managing fine now"

Dean gave him a sidelong glance and shook his head. "No you're not, Cas, you're struggling and so you should be. Half your life has been erased!"

"I know that!"

"Did you dream last night?"

"Yes" he murmured softly.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing new, a red light and someone talking to me…I think it was you"

Dean's brow furrowed and he looked away for a moment considering when it dawned on him.

"The accident? Are you remembering the accident?"

"How can I possibly know that?"

Dean rolled his eyes at him switching over the channels. "I was just saying, Cas"

"If you want to do something go to the doctor and tell him I'm ready to go home"

"You'll have to come with me" he said switching it off and turning to face him. Castel gritted his teeth and nodded slowly.

"I know"

"Good, right, I'll go see if you can but we were in a car crash, Cas" he said taking his leave and going to see the doctor. Castiel waited till he left before climbing out of the bed, he stood on shaky legs as he ripped the pads off the arms and hunted around for his clothes. He took out a bag which contained his belongings and smiled.

Castiel dressed into his clothes and stared down at them confused, a patch of blood was on the shoulder and in the bag also was a brand new jacket. He smiled putting it on and automatically liking it, he wandered over to the mirror and scowled at the white gauze covering his forehead but let it rest.

He exited the room scanning up and down the corridor before hurrying it down quickly.

"Can he go?"

The doctor sighed looking down at his notes and nodded. "There is no lasting damage on his brain but the severe memory loss is worrying, I would suggest he has regular check-ups here with our therapist"

"Seriously? Wow, okay, thanks doc" he said amazed shaking his hand and turned back down the corridor towards the room. Dean entered and stopped staring at the empty bed and drew in a sharp breath.

"Son of a bitch!" he shouted running back down the corridor and towards the entrance. He ran outside and caught sight of him looking around the surrounding area looking very, very, confused to where he was.

"Cas!" he shouted angrily at him.

Castiel turned slowly catching sight of him and winced when he gripped his forearms pulling him towards him.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Home"

"Your home is with me, Cas, why are you leaving? Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Because I don't know you" he shouted back at him. Dean reeled back from him as he bawled up his fists looking into his eyes. All Dean could see reflected back at him was anger, frustration and bitterness. "I don't know what I'm doing but all I know is I can't be here with you"

"What?" he said astonished shaking his head at him. Dean gripped his hair turning away from him to look out at the car park and drew in a shaky breath.

"Cas, for the last week I have been praying my ass off that you would wake up and I got that, I got my prayer, you're okay in a way and now we have this" he said turning back to him and gripping his arms again. "I want to help you, I need to help you, but I need you to trust me because you're all I have and I am all you have"

"My brothers…"

"Balthazar is a serial whore and doesn't stay in one place for more than 5 days, Gabriel is a business man and lives everywhere, they are never here and all we have is each other" he said cupping the back of his neck. "I love you and I know you don't love me right now, you don't even know me properly right now but I think you're starting to remember stuff"

Castiel swallowed hard wanting to look away from him but he couldn't as he stared into the depths of the green eyes.

"You are starting to remember the accident and if you are starting to remember that then…who knows what else is hidden deep down there because they are there, Cas, and I'm going to bring them back…I'm going to get you back"

Castiel closed his eyes and nodded. "Okay, I'll do it"

Dean smiled weakly at him and kissed him hard on the untouched forehead. "Let's go"

They sat in the taxi back and Dean couldn't help but notice the jacket and hid a smile.

"Cas?"

"Yes…?" he said warily.

"I bought you that before we crashed" he murmured. "You got in a mood with me because I was playing ACDC, you tricked me into it and I bought it for you"

Castiel stared at him in fascination and looked out of the window. "I do like it"

Dean smiled to himself choosing not to respond as they got closer to home.

"Here" he said chucking a $20 at the taxi driver and stepping out letting Castiel take in the place. They stared up at their little house and Castiel raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"It's nice" he said simply.

Dean nodded in approval heading towards the door and opening it waiting for Castiel who walked over to him and stepped inside.

"Okay, you are about to meet your biggest fan" Dean said closing the front door quietly and paused for a moment before calling "Phoebe!"

A scamper of claws alerted him and they both looked up to see a brown head poke around the top of the stairs as she barked excitedly and bounded down the stairs. Castiel backed away startled when she jumped at him.

"This is Phoebe, we've had her for two years and you are her favourite" he said as he stroked behind her ear and she panted happily.

"Dean? Cas?" Sam said startled walking into the hallway.

"Hey, where you been?"

"Garden" he said looking at Castiel who was stroking Phoebe with a small smile.

"I think someone's already in love" Dean murmured amused when Phoebe licked his chin and Castiel grinned at her. Sam nodded indicating that he wanted to speak with him and he left him to it as they walked into the kitchen.

"How is he? Does he remember anything?"

"Not really, it was a struggle getting him to trust me and come home but he's here and that's a good thing" he said looking over to Castiel kneeling in the hallway getting reacquainted with Phoebe. "Look at him with the dog, he's still my Cas"

"Yeah, Dean, but with no memory and no recollection of you or anything around him" Sam hissed. "This could go terribly, Dean, what if he doesn't remember? Will you let him go?"

Dean froze staring at Sam who stared back in concern.

"I don't know but all I know is I am going to try" he hissed at him. "Thank you for being here and looking after the house and Phoebe but I need time with him now"

"I know, I'm going to stay with Bobby and Ellen"

"What, no, you have to go back to Stanford".

Sam shook his head shifting uncomfortably. "I need to be here for you if this goes all wrong"

"What like he doesn't remember and leaves me?"

"Yes, Dean"

"I won't let that happen, go back to Stanford, Sam"

"My life, Dean" he said with a shrug going to pick up his bag and hanging it over his shoulder.

"Bitch"

Sam smirked walking out but not before throwing his last remark over his shoulder. "See you later, jerk"

Castiel watched him leave bemused and turned to look at Dean questioningly.

"Little brothers" he said with a shrug switching on the kettle.

~0~

That night after they settled down to an awkward dinner in silence was the moment when Castiel start to really look around his surroundings. He glanced over to Dean who was in the kitchen doing the washing up and looked at the mantel piece showing the pictures. He cast an eye over a picture of Dean and his brother when they were younger, a picture of a couple one who vaguely looked like Dean and a blonde woman looking very happy and dozens of pictures of the two of them.

Castiel picked up one of them on a beach somewhere, Dean's arm were wrapped around his middle and they both laughing at something out of view. His stomach curled at the happiness evident in the picture and he placed it down quickly looking away to another when they both younger taken in a photo booth. He stared at the two image of them fooling around pulling faces until the last one were they are kissing. Castiel picked up staring at the picture in shock to see himself smiling into the kiss looking both happy and very in love.

"That was taken about three months into our relationship" Dean said startling him as he stood near his shoulder. "We went to the fair and you insisted on having a photo of us, we got two of them and…here they are"

"We look happy"

"We were, we still can be"

Castiel put it back highly doubting that as he moved away from him and sat down on the couch patting Phoebe on the head gently as she whined moving into his lap.

"You should take a look at that picture there" Dean said nodding to the photo on the table next to him. Castiel frowned confused and picked it up staring at the photo in shock.

It was a picture of the two them on their wedding day standing in two black suits looking excited, happy, and again hopelessly in love with each other.

"Oh god" he breathed trailing a finger down it.

"Yeah, our wedding photo"

"It feels like I'm waking up into a whole new life, like I had one before and I'm waking up into a different timeline, a different dimension" he muttered looking up to Dean who was staring down at his cup of coffee. "I wish I could remember, I would do anything in the world to remember because I hate this, I hate not knowing who I am, who you are, what I'm doing here and seeing all this stuff!"

Castiel put the photo back exhaling shakily clasping his hands together and staring at nothing.

"It's hard for me and it's only been two days" he whispered.

"Then welcome to my world" Dean said looking up to him with hard eyes. "You say it's hard for you and it's like waking up to a whole new life but imagine what it's like for me…I have to sit here with the man I love and make him fall in love with me all over again…I get it's hard for you but don't you forget for one second that it's also hard for me"

"How could I possibly forget?" he whispered at him before drawing his eyes away. Dean looked away from him also putting his cup down and going over to the drawer digging out a photo album.

"I'm going for a shower, look at this" he said handing it over to him and leaving the room without a backward glance. Castiel held it in his hands and exhaled shakily opening the book cover to see photos of them from the beginning leading up to the end. Pictures of birthdays, holidays, parks, kissing, hugging, holding hands, Castiel stared at the one of them both dancing at their wedding taken by someone else. The hall is lit with lights and they're stood together foreheads touching as they danced. Tears stung Castiel's eyes as he quickly flipped it over to see pictures of Dean goofing around with Sam, baby pictures of Sam and Dean with their mother he guessed and some of them as teenagers.

Dean stared at the white tiled wall as the water pounded on his head and he drew in a sharp breath feeling his heart ache in longing. He didn't know he would do if he lost him completely, if Cas didn't remember anything and chose to live the rest of his life without him but if he did choose that path, how could he stop him?

Castiel flicked through them slowly digesting these whole new images of their life till he neared the end getting toward their own age now to see a picture of them both cuddling Phoebe the puppy. He smiled at the laughter he saw in their faces and turned over to see the last entry. A picture of them both taken up close doing funny faces which made Castiel's stomach flip and flip again at how ordinary, funny, and together the picture looked.

He slammed the cover down and threw it on the floor burying his head in his hands feeling his head ache at the new information. Phoebe whined in his lap looking up to him with her head cocked as he ignored her.

Dean climbed out of the shower drying quickly and changing into fresh clothes in his bedroom and realised how exhausted he was. He sighed climbing back down the stairs to see the photo album on the floor and Castiel stood at the window.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Why did you give me that?"

"It was just a peek of what I am going to tell you because whether you like it or not, Cas, you are going to learn about these six years"

Castiel stared at his hard expression and amusement fluttered in his stomach and he couldn't help but smile at him. Dean blinked surprised but met the smile anyway.

"Are you always like this?" Castiel wondered.

"Not since the man I love lost all his memories, no" he muttered taking his hands and squeezing them. "You look exhausted"

"I am" he said with a tired sigh.

"Want to go to sleep?" he said and that's when Castiel panicked.

"Yes but…I can't sleep with you"

"Why?"

"I don't…"

"Know who I am, I know, but do you really want to sleep on your own"

"I have the last few days" he said stubbornly.

Dean followed and let his defeat and rejection swamp over him as he nodded and stepped back. "We have a spare bedroom we never use"

"I'll take that" he said moving past him and heading to the stairs. Dean stared at the space he was stood at feeling a lonely beat in his chest at the thought of spending the night alone for the first time in a long time.

He followed Castiel upstairs and looked into the spare room to see him looking around the room and look back to him.

"Yes?"

"Phoebe might come in here with you"

"Is this her room?"

"Yes, sometimes" he murmured rubbing the back of his neck. "Cas, look…"

"I'm going to sleep here, Dean" he said sitting on the bed.

Dean stared back at him and bobbed his head as acknowledgement and stepped back. "I'll see you in the morning"

"Goodnight" Castiel breathed when Dean stepped away moving towards his own bedroom. Castiel darted up closing the door over firmly and leaning against it in relief before turning back to the bed and stripping off down to his underwear. A whine and a bark at the door startled him and he opened it to see Phoebe stroll in casually. Castiel sighed looking over to him but closed the door again flicking out the light as he climbed into the cold covers looking up at the ceiling feeling waves of sickness and something else, something foreign to him that made his head pound and his heart ache.

Dean switched off the lamp and curled up staring at the empty space beside him and fought the urge not to cry again like a big girl. He reached out clutching his pillow and inhaled deeply moaning at the smell, it smelt of Castiel. He whimpered a little under his breath as he brought it closer feeling more than pathetic as he hugged it to his chest.

"You're so stupid" he murmured to himself inhaling the smell feeling the soapiness and the faint hint of aftershave he bought him calm down and imagined for the moment that the softness of the pillow was the arms of the man next door sleeping soundly away while Dean drowned in his heartache.

**A/N: I'm sorry for making anyone down and miserable but this is the way it is told, it can only get better, guys! **

**Thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming! **


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days fell into a regular but uneasy routine as Castiel slept in the spare room and began to get a grip on things. Dean struggled through his own process of trying to regain Castiel's memories and feelings all over again.

It was the fifth day through their ordeal when the phone rang and Dean answered it.

"Mr Winchester?"

"Rachel?"

"Hi, I was wondering how Castiel was?"

"He's doing alright" he murmured looking out the window to see him sitting on the bench staring at nothing. He frowned concerned noticing that he had been down these last few days. "He's just struggling a little"

"Well waking up to no memories would be a buzz kill but we were just wondering when he was returning to work"

"Rachel, he woke up from a coma a week ago, he's just starting to remember little bits"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"He's getting bits and pieces from the accident, he's starting to remember little bits like, walking the dog, and his brothers" he said vaguely.

Rachel huffed at him gently. "That's good but there's still work…"

"Ralph gave him a good few weeks, Rachel, don't you dare start getting prissy because you're not getting your numbers" Dean shouted down the phone to her. "He'll come back when he's good and ready"

Dean slammed the phone down feeling a flash of annoyance and moved to the back door leaning against the frame. Castiel rolled the ball to Phoebe who caught it and brought it back happily.

"Hey" he called to him softly. Castiel looked up at him and nodded at him before turning away and looking back to the dog.

"Who was that?"

"Your work, your co-worker Rachel called me to wonder when you were coming back in"

"I'm an accountant" he stated with a furrowed brow. "How did I get into that?"

"No idea, you liked math in school though" Dean said kicking a stone and watching it fly across the grass. "You just went for it and got the job"

"I have no idea how to do it anymore"

Dean nodded understanding and shrugged his shoulders at him. "Career change?"

"Like what?"

"Who knows, you can be anything you want to be, Cas" he said placing a hand over his and smiled at him. Castiel slowly drew his hand away and stood up.

"I'm going to take Phoebe for a walk" he said whistling to her and they both went inside. Dean stared across at the grass and felt his insides twist with the same unease and sadness he had felt for the last few days. Dean didn't want to admit it but slowly day by day he was losing a little bit of Castiel. He tried to communicate with him and spent hours telling him a different memory, a different picture, a different part of their life and he listened interested but there was nothing in his eyes that shown he was even starting to feel for him all over again.

He now chose to take Phoebe for a walk and flinched away from his touch if he made a move. Dean longed to touch him, hug him, and even kiss him. This was the longest he had held back from touching him but it was starting to really hurt and he wondered if he would ever be able to touch him that way again.

His mobile buzzed and he flipped it open answering his daily call from Sam.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"The same as yesterday and the day before that, Sam, this is seriously not worth the hassle"

"We're just worried about you"

"I know you are!" Dean snapped rubbing his forehead. Sam was silent on the other end and he bit his lip feeling bad.

"Look, I'm trying with him and I don't know maybe I am making a little bit of process but it's difficult for me and him, Sam, I'm trying to break down that wall but he's a stubborn son of a bitch"

"We get that, Dean, but we're just concerned for you because it's been a week, Dean, there's been no sign" Sam said in a gentle tone. "I've been speaking to Gabe and he tells me that he opens more to him and Balthazar than you"

Dean gritted his teeth feeling angry and bitter as he listened to him.

"What if the Cas we knew is gone?"

"He's still him"

"Yeah he might be but with no memories of his life with you, Dean"

"Sam, I know all this" he murmured in reply. "Anyway, it's your birthday in two weeks and we will be there for your little gathering"

"You sure?"

"You're my brother, I'm going to be there!" he insisted with a smile that he couldn't see.

"Okay, good, well just give me a call if you need me" Sam said.

"Promise" Dean said hanging up on him and moving back inside to see Castiel already gone. He moved off to the fridge pulling out a bottle of vodka and sat down heavily on the couch ignoring the 11.15am on the clock. He opened the cap swigging it down enjoying the burn and switched on the television choosing to ignore reality and stick to cheap television programmes.

Castiel walked in the park and strolled up to the figure waiting for him and smiled when he stopped in front of him.

"This is becoming a thing now isn't it?" Gabriel said with a sigh.

"I needed to get out of the house"

"And away from Dean" Gabriel said in a hard voice.

Castiel looked down at his shoes and shrugged looking at Phoebe sitting at his feet patiently.

"Maybe"

"You are being totally unfair"

"How?" he said looking up to him shocked.

"For the past few days you have spent nearly all your time with me and Balthazar, you meet us in the morning and only return in the evenings, you ignore his messages, his calls, and he looks a fucking mess!" Gabriel said angrily. "You talk about your dreams with us! Okay I'll admit I am so glad you are remembering the accident, remembering the little things that are tiny but so important… but do you tell Dean?"

Castiel shook his head looking away at the trees. "It's like talking to a stranger"

Gabriel closed his eyes letting out a deep breath before moving forward gripping his shoulders.

"Listen to me, as your brother I need you to really hear me here because this is your happiness we're talking about, Castiel"

"I'm listening"

"The first time we met Dean was a few weeks after you got together and you were over the fucking moon! We held a rather dislike for him and threatened to cut his balls off if he hurt you and he listened" he said with a chuckle. "You stayed together and the nerdy little kid brother changed, you changed because of him and you fell in love"

Castiel swallowed hard staring into the brown of his eyes.

"You were both disgustingly in love with each other that three years later we gave you permission to marry the bastard! I will never say this again but you two, you're like a match made in heaven" Gabriel said and shuddered gently. "Don't quote me on that but you were and you are in a way but this…this thing you are doing to him is hurting him, Cas, this isn't his fault you've forgotten your life and by cutting yourself out you're pushing him away"

"But it's hard for me" he whispered.

"Think of what it is like for him" he whispered back for him.

"I do"

Gabriel scratched the back of his hair and threw up his hands. "I can't tell you what to do with your life; you have free will but don't throw it away so soon. Give it a chance, give him a chance"

~0~

Castiel chose to stay with Gabriel and go back in the evening to spend the rest of his night with Dean. He walked back home with a tired Phoebe who trailed behind him as they entered the house to see Dean sleeping on the couch. Castiel shut the door quietly and looked at the empty vodka bottle on the table with a heavy heart, he looked up to see it was nearly 8pm. Phoebe curled up in her bed yawning and settling down for a sleep in the corner.

"Dean" he said shaking his arm gently making him jump awake startled. He gasped sitting up and looking up at him scared.

"Hey?" he murmured looking around and wrinkling his nose at the taste in his mouth. Dean glanced a look over to the clock and sighed deeply.

"You've been gone long"

"I was with Gabriel"

"Yeah, I figured" he murmured swinging his legs over the couch and walking into the kitchen. Castiel stood standing in the living room feeling more awful than he had ever imagined and knew that he had been treating him badly.

"Dean, I…"

"Save it, Cas, I know you're going through a difficult time right now" he said clutching the water in his hand. "I just…I just want you to know I'm here"

Castiel heard the break of his voice as he turned towards the stairs. "I'm going to bed, see you in the morning"

"It's only 8 o clock"

"Yeah well I have a banging headache and I suppose I won't be best company will I?" he said turning on the stairs to address him. "I'll see you tomorrow"

Castiel nodded slowly never taking his eyes off him as he carried on walking up the stairs and into his bedroom. He sat down on the couch gently looking at the flickering images coming off the TV and sighed running a hand into his hair.

"What am I going to do?" he whispered gently to no one.

Castiel turned abruptly and stopped noticing their wedding photo missing. He frowned looking around the room for it and stood up confused as to where Dean could have put it. Deciding to ask Dean he climbed the stairs hovering outside the bedroom door and peeked into the slit to see him sitting on the bed clutching the very same photo in his hand. Next to him lay the photo album and Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat at Dean's expression, a mixture of sadness and longing.

Dean grabbed the photo album flicking through it gently and smiling when he caught sight of a certain photo. Castiel's heart hurt as watched him trail a finger down the photo before snapping it shut and throwing the book across the floor reminding him of himself a few days ago.

"So stupid!" Dean hissed hitting his forehead getting up. Castiel gasped backtracking slowly away and creeping down the hallway towards his own room. He leaned against the back of the door shutting his eyes and inhaling in and out feeling his heartbeat calm down and swirls of calm ease inside him.

Castiel gave up stripping off his clothing as he drew the curtains and slipped into bed closing his eyes and chose to get an early night as well.

No matter how many times he tossed and turned, Dean couldn't get back to sleep and he gave up sitting up in the bed.

"Fuck" he muttered feeling more wide awake than ever. His eyes roamed over the alarm clock, 3:39am, and sighed kicking off his covers. Pulling on a warm t-shirt and joggers he walked down the stairs looking for a night cap flicking on the light.

"Hey girl" he murmured when Phoebe opened one eye to look at him. "What you doing down here?"

"She's with me"

Dean gasped clutching a hand over his chest feeling his heart race frightened.

"Fuck, you scared me!" he hissed looking over to Castiel at the kitchen table clutching steaming warm milk. "Couldn't sleep either?"

Castiel shook his head quickly staring over at him as Dean rubbed his eyes shivering in the coldness of the wintry night.

"We haven't done this in a while" Dean murmured in the silence.

"Done what?"

"This, in the early stages of our relationship we used to stay up all night just talking, making out and learning about each other" Dean said staring off into a memory that made his mouth twitch into a smile before it faded.

"Let's do it"

Dean turned to look at him puzzled. "What?"

"Let's just talk all night"

"It's 3am?"

"Then let's talk for the rest of the night"

Dean cocked his head at him bemused but agreed and that's how they ended up sitting on their old bed together cross legged and facing each other.

"Why me?" he questioned.

"What about you?" Dean said confused sipping his own drink.

"Why all those years ago did you turn around and think…I want him"

"Ah, you want to know why I wanted you and only you."

Castiel nodded with a hint of a smile lacing his hands together as he waited patiently for his answer.

"You were the nerdy dork who ran to lessons, went to the library every lunch and break while everyone else was in the yard, and you were fascinating to me" Dean admitted gently. "I'll admit I didn't like you at first but I think it grew as the years went by and it was only final year when I realised how gorgeous you were, how unique you were and well…I wanted you"

"We talked in lessons but it was trivial crap I couldn't give a damn about, I wanted to know about the one of the sexist guys in our year"

Castiel blushed hard staring down at his lap making Dean laugh.

"I got you at Pamela's party, you looked even more gorgeous in that blue shirt you were wearing, I took you upstairs and you threw up on me" he said with a smirk.

"I did?" he whispered horrified.

"Yeah, I was fine with it though and we ended up just sleeping in the same bed…the next day we started again and before I knew it, you were mine"

"So you know me pretty well?"

"I know you inside and out, Cas"

"Literally?"

"Oh yeah" he said with a cocky grin. "If you're talking about sex, I was your first and last"

"What?"

"I took your virginity and I'm the only guy you have ever been with…well I hope so" he said trailing off and shrugging it away as he turned his eyes towards him. Castiel stared at him open mouthed and didn't know what to feel or think.

"Is the sex good?"

"Brilliant, despite the fact we've had a good six years together but before the accident we were having sex about three times a week" he admitted with a shrug. "I know that body better than you do"

"What do you mean?"

"I know what turns you on, turns you off, I have tasted every part of you and I know exactly what makes you scream" he whispered with a grin when Castiel shivered.

"Every part of me?"

"Basically"

"Even my elbow?" he said holding it up with a puzzled frown. Dean raised an eyebrow moving off to him gripping it tight, Castiel watched with baited breath as he licked his tongue down it grazing his teeth across the rough but smooth skin. Castiel exhaled with a low moan watching him transfixed as he pulled back.

"Every part of you"

"Even my feet and toes?"

Dean laughed with a nod sitting back down and couldn't help but feel more than smug as he settled back onto his hands.

"We had a good, healthy, sex life for a married couple" he said with an air of sadness that it was now temporarily gone. Castiel gave into defeat feeling arousal bubbling in his stomach but ignored it for the time being.

"I want to apologise, Dean"

"For what?"

"For ignoring you these past few days"

"Cas…" Dean started but stopped when Castiel held up a hand.

"I have been ignoring you, avoiding you, and I should be grateful to you for being here for me because…Dean, I would do anything in the world to remember" Castiel said gently picking at a stray thread. "You have no idea what's it like to wake up from a dream of where you are at a red light talking to you about an unknown subject but all I know is that I unbuckle my seatbelt, I lean over and I tell you that I will always love you" he said in a rant and stopped confused.

Dean's mouth fell open astonished and he reached over gripping his wrists. "You remember that?"

"Not that part" he whispered looking into his eyes and letting out a baffled laugh. "I remembered"

Dean bit his lip fighting the urge to kiss him and closed his eyes in relief that progress was being made. Castiel licked his bottom lip shaking his hands to get him to look at him.

"Waking up and not feeling it" he murmured seeing the hope and happiness in Dean's eyes slipping away so suddenly. "I have been escaping from it all because it's all I know and by doing that I have been hurting you"

"I know you don't feel the same way about me, Cas, well not yet but…but am I making any progress?"

"I don't know" he admitted honestly letting his head drop in defeat.

Dean gripped the top of Castiel's kneecaps and drew away from him with a sigh. "Over the years I have promises to you, I promised I would look after you and I kept that promise, I promised I would marry you and I gave you that promise and now I promise you this, I will make you happy all over again, I'll let you love again"

"Love you?"

"Hopefully" he said with a nod looking down at his own wedding ring. "I don't think I'm ready to let you go"

"It is causing you so much pain, Dean"

"I can deal with that like I can deal with your stubbornness" Dean said lightly. "The good thing is you are remembering and soon enough you will remember the first time we told each we loved one another, our first time having sex, our wedding, maybe the 6th of July in 2000 that was a bit of a highlight for you"

"Why?"

"I'll let you remember" he said with a grin when Castiel scowled at him. "We have an appointment with the doctor later on by the way"

Dean crawled back settling into his cushion with a sleepy yawn kicking at his thigh gently. "Get over here"

Castiel bit his lip shifting over also as he settled into his own cushions next to him, Dean's heart fluttered at the sight of him once again by his side. Castiel also yawned covering his mouth and turning his head slowly to meet his gaze. They looked into each other's eyes, Dean seeing pain, confusion, and a gentle tone to the blue eyes he loved so much while Castiel saw love, pain, and devotion staring back at him.

"I don't want to hurt you, Dean"

"It's not your fault…I'm just a fool, I love you far too much"

Dean reached out stroking a hand up his cheek biting back a moan as he felt the stubble underneath his fingers and shushed him softly.

"Sleep"

"In this bed?"

"Try it" he whispered not wanting him to move. Castiel gave in shutting his eyes and feeling the lull of sleep surround him as it welcomed him in. Dean watched as he drifted off to sleep while he stroked his cheek tracing it across his cheekbone and bottom lip, Dean drew in a breath leaning in and kissing him very softly on the lips. Castiel snuffled in his sleep reaching a hand up to his own face catching Dean's cheek as he grazed it softly. Dean stifled a moan leaning into his warmth and knew he was the world's biggest fool but didn't everyone deserve a second chance? So why couldn't they?

He only hoped it would go up from here and not get any worse because the thought of losing him forever broke Dean's heart more than he could ever imagine. But fate is a cruel, cold, bitch and this was far from over.

**A/N: Ha, look at that little mini cliff-hanger! It's far from over. **

**By the way! This is only based off, The Vow, I've took the plot line! Some of you wrote in a review that you wanted to see it now and well this isn't like the movie, I have only took aspects like the car crash, the memory loss, and other stuff from it. **

**Anyway, feedback please! I love reviews. **


	8. Chapter 8

**March 2001**

Castiel rubbed at his eyes as he leaned against the door frame to the kitchen watching Dean make breakfast in nothing but a t-shirt and his boxer shorts. He smiled walking over to him carefully and wrapping his arms around his waist pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck.

"Morning, baby" Dean said with a smile turning around in his arms and kissing him sweetly on the lips. "Why do you always look so beautiful in the mornings?"

"I don't know" Castiel murmured amused. "You're making me out to be a girl though"

"You're the "girl" in this marriage, baby" he murmured rubbing his nose against his and chuckling when Castiel squirmed swatting him.

"Are you going into work today?"

Dean hummed tilting back his head as he considered that and shrugged.

"Maybe something…or someone could change my mind" he murmured into his ear.

Castiel smiled secretly on his shoulder and lifted his head to address him.

"Maybe someone will" he whispered pulling him down and kissing him hard. Dean groaned opening his mouth for him and giving him entry as he pushed his tongue into the warm mouth tasting coffee and mint.

Dean didn't waste a minute as he pushed him back onto the kitchen table and seating him onto it.

"You have spent so much time in work, I never see you anymore" Dean growled against his lips as Castiel wound his hands into the short brown hair tugging lightly.

"Rachel – _fuck – _needs her numbers" he panted out as Dean dragged off his t-shirt mapping his mouth onto his chest and nipples.

"Screw Rachel" he hissed catching his nipple in his mouth sucking on it gently.

Castiel let out a cry clutching his shoulders. "I really wouldn't want to do that"

"I know…Rachel is a dog" he murmured moving his lips up to his neck and biting down into the heated skin.

"Dean…" he moaned letting his head fall back knowing he was going to leave a mark there, again.

"Baby" he cooed knowing what it did to him. Castiel moaned gently spreading his legs wider as Dean slotted into them marvelling his body.

"If anyone walked in here right now…" he said raking his nails down his body feeling him tremble and stare at him with wide eyes.

"The thought of being caught turns me on" he said with a breathless chuckle.

Dean let out a mock gasp gripping the back of his neck and biting down into the soft plump of his bottom lip.

"Slut" Dean whispered before covering his mouth with his own and pressing him into the table.

~0~

Castiel opened his eyes breathing hard and fast for the heavy but surprising dream. His arousal boiled inside him and he groaned pressing his face into the warm chest underneath him which made him still and look up.

Dean slept peacefully underneath him and he bit his lip still feeling the fragments of the dream linger in his subconscious.

_It was real, they were real, _Castiel thought as his eyes roamed up and down their tangled bodies. Their legs intertwined while Dean had his hand pressed into the small of his back keeping him in place as they slept. Castiel moved away slowly taking his time as he took his arms around from his chest and untangled his legs, he held his breath in till he was slowly slipping off the bed when a hand fastened around his wrist.

He turned startled to see Dean holding onto his wrist and staring at him with one eye open.

"What time is it" he murmured gruffly.

"Nearly ten" he whispered back to him alarmed at the grip on his wrist. Dean groaned pressing a hand to his eyes and shuffled back to lie against the headboard. Castiel followed him as he leaned against it also staring at the side of his face as he woke up.

"This reminds me why we stopped our late night talks"

"Feeling like death in the morning?" he murmured and smiled gently when Dean laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right about that"

Dean turned his head slowly looking at him up and down smirking lightly. "How did you sleep?"

"I had a dream…"

"Yeah? What about?"

"We were in the kitchen and I asked if you were going to work…you said yes unless something or someone gave you a reason not to and we…" he said trailing off feeling his cheeks burn with shame and embarrassment.

"We…?"

"We ended up having sex on the kitchen table, you called me a slut"

Realisation dawned in Dean's eyes and he laughed smacking the mattress hard. "Holy shit! I forgot all about that! Yeah, we had sex and spent all day in bed eating pie and having sex all over again"

"So I've remembered?"

"Yes" he said with a wide smile. "Something to tell the doc about, I guess"

"I have to tell the doctor I dreamt of us having sex?"

"Well don't go into the little details but you can tell him that you are remembering" Dean corrected. "It's a really, really, good thing you are remembering, Cas"

"I know" he murmured softly trying to hold himself in when Dean trailed his fingers into his hair.

"I think that was the best sleep I have had in a while since the accident" Dean said stroking his fingers behind his ear. Castiel closed his eyes with a small moan liking the shivers of delight running up his spine. Dean smiled noticing and continued as they sat together in silence.

Castiel didn't have the heart or the courage to tell him that despite the dream he was still more confused than ever, he didn't know how to tell, and the only reason he stayed in the bed was because he was exhausted.

"When do we have to leave?" Castiel said staring down at his chest not daring to meet his eyes.

"12.30" he replied still stroking the back of his ear and neck. Castiel nodded slowly moving away and to the edge of the bed.

"I think we need coffee"

Dean pressed his lips together forcing a tight smile as he walked out of the bedroom. He pressed two hands over his eyes sliding down on the bed fighting the urge to have a tantrum like a real five year old.

Throwing his hands off his eyes, Dean sat up and groaned feeling hornier than ever. He just wanted to kiss him and wondered what Castiel would do if he did. He slid out of the bed padding downstairs to see him leaning against the counter lost in thought as he stared at the kitchen table.

Seeing his chance he moved over tilting his chin up, Castile blanched staring up at him confused and gasped when Dean moved towards him pressing warm lips against his.

Castiel had no idea what was happening as he hesitantly touched Dean's cheek kissing him back sending Dean's mind reeling as he gripped his hips.

They parted for breath staring into each other's eyes not knowing what to say or do.

"Um…" Castiel started trailing off touching his lips with his fingers.

"Yeah…" Dean murmured in agreement pressing his lips to his forehead and stopped when the angry red cut stared at him. The gauze was removed a few days ago revealing an angry cut which would surely scar. Dean kissed across it softly hearing a small whimper escape Castiel and he stopped pulling back to look down at him.

"Why did you do that?"

"I haven't kissed you in more than two weeks, Cas, you were in a coma and now this…I just needed too"

Castiel breathed out looking away from him and out of his arms to get the kettle.

"Did it do anything for you?"

Castiel remained silent staring down at the cups of coffee and looked up to him with honest eyes as he shrugged.

"You are a very good kisser, Dean"

Dean frowned and then chuckled for a moment. "I know, but what about you? Did you feel anything at all?"

"Your coffee is there" he said sharply moving away and smiling down at Phoebe as he sat on the couch. Dean closed his eyes turning his back on him feeling a pain so deeply it hurt to breathe.

"I'm going out" he said suddenly making Castiel look up confused.

"Out? Where?"

"I don't know…" Dean murmured pulling on his jacket.

"When will you be back? We have that hospital appointment" he injected staring up at him.

Dean swallowed zipping it up and turned to face him. "I'll be back for that, I just need some air"

Dean turned towards the door snagging Castiel's car keys and walking out of the door intending to drive to Ellen and Bobby's, it was getting too much. Castiel heard the other car start up and swallowed hard still tasting Dean on his tongue that made his own stomach twist. He felt truly awful for not answering him but how could you tell the man you were married to that you didn't feel the same way?

~0~

Dean arrived at the yard to see Ellen standing at the door holding a cup of coffee.

"I got your message" she said when he stepped out coming towards her with a raised eyebrow. Dean rolled his eyes taking the cup of her and stepping inside the warm house.

"Where's the old man?"

"Garage, Sam's still sleeping" she said when they entered the kitchen. She gestured at him to sit down and sat in the chair opposite waiting patiently for him to speak.

"Dean" she said with order in her voice.

"It's Cas" he murmured staring at the murky brown water in his cup feeling sicker than ever.

"What about him?"

"I kissed him before, the first time in weeks and it felt so good, to hold him, to kiss him and…" Dean said trailing off as he looked towards the study not meeting Ellen's concerned eyes. "He wasn't the same, he was different…we even spent the night in the same bed again and when he woke up he couldn't get away quick enough"

"I'm sorry, Dean" she said softly cupping her hand over his with a sad frown. "But it's been a week now and is there anything? Any sign that the man you love loves you back?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders with a sigh. "He's remembering stuff, a memory of the accident, a memory of us having sex"

"Did he do anything about it?"

Dean shook his head and that was exactly what Ellen was afraid of as she took both of his hands and held them.

"Dean, I need you to listen and listen hard because this isn't going to be easy to here…"

"You think I should leave him" Dean said interrupting her. "Sam says that too, I should just end the relationship and carry on just like normal!"

Dean snatched his hands away her leaning back in the chair. "How would you feel if the situation was reserved and it was Bobby who was suffering amnesia? How would you feel if me and Sam told you, you had to leave him?"

Ellen stared into the angry green eyes and clenched her hands together and simply shook her head.

"I would kick you boy's asses for even thinking that thought"

"Exactly" he breathed. "It's only been a week, he's starting to remember and I know it will take time for him to even start to feel for me again but if there's hope…it's all I'm clinging on to, Ellen"

"But he doesn't?"

"Then I'll keep my promise" he whispered ignoring Ellen's confused look. Ellen didn't need to speak as she rubbed his hand gently speaking through touch as Dean sipped his coffee.

"Dean?" Sam said as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Sammy" he said with a small smile looking up at him. Sam stretched out before sighing and pouring himself a coffee.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to get away for a while"

"Cas?" he said looking over to Ellen who bobbed her head once. "Is it over?"

"No, Sam" he said with a frown. "Why do both want it over so bad?"

"We don't, Dean, we would give anything to have Castiel with all memories and all feelings but it's killing you, Dean, you're my brother and I know you better than anyone, I can see your in pain with all of this and I just think that maybe time apart will do some good"

"It's been a week" he hissed back at him but seeing his point.

"And has anything changed?"

"No! No, it hasn't! Cas keeps telling me it's like being married to a stranger well the feeling is fucking mutual!" he yelled kicking the chair back and storming into the study breathing hard. "You have no idea how hard this for me! You both keep telling me that leaving him will be for the best but the best for who! It would be the best for him but what about me?"

Sam didn't know what to say as he crossed his arms looking down at the kitchen floor.

"Dean…" Ellen started walking towards him.

"No, Ellen, you understand because you couldn't lose Bobby like that and I am meant to just leave him?"

"He doesn't feel the same way, Dean; it's like being stuck in a loveless marriage! He doesn't feel the same way; he has forgotten these feelings for you! I care about you, Dean, you're my brother and I don't want to see you fall any further" Sam said suddenly.

"What like depression?"

"Maybe"

Dean scoffed looking towards the mirror noticing Bobby come in through the entrance.

"Uh, what's going on?"

"Nothing, just my own family telling me to leave my husband…do you think the same way, Bobby?"

"No" he said quickly receiving sharp glances from both Ellen and Sam. "This is _his _life"

Dean ran his hands into his hair feeling on the verge of having a very angry meltdown; he turned towards the three of them pointing a finger at them all.

"He's right, this is my life, my marriage, and I'll do what the fuck I want" he cried before storming out.

"Dean!" Sam shouted after him as he charged into the yard wrenching open the car door ignoring his brother's pleas for him to come back and talk. He started the car up blazing out of the yard with gritted teeth knowing he will regret this later because nothing was more important than family but Castiel was also his family.

~0~

Castiel sat on the floor surrounded by every photo that had Dean and Castiel on and marvelled over them. Phoebe sat by his side whining softly when Castiel pressed his hands over his eyes letting out a small sob.

"I wish I could remember" he whispered feeling his shoulders shake never feeling more alone and lost in his life. Upstairs he could hear the vibration and shrill of his phone going off and he ignored it as he sobbed into his hands.

Dean opened the door looking down at his phone to see they had another 45 minutes before they needed to set off and maybe a good long talk would do some good for both of them.

"Cas... Cas?" he said shocked walking in and running to see his side petting Phoebe who whined and moved her away. "Baby?"

Castiel looked up to him and allowed him as Dean wrapped him into his arms letting him cry onto his shoulder. Dean closed his eyes stroking the back of his hair gently not knowing what to say or do as Castiel sobbed.

"I hate not knowing what-what is happening, I hate being told thing I have no recollection of…I hate that I am hurting you D-Dean because I am!" he sobbed muffled into his t-shirt clutching the back of his shoulders in his tight grip. "I don't have any feelings anymore and I don't know what to do…I-I feel so confined in here"

Dean shushed him gently rocking him feeling his own memory of that night in the hospital resurface and he kissed his temple.

"I know, I know" he whispered agonised. "Maybe we should take a break"

"From what? From us?" he whispered into his shoulder.

"No, no, like a little holiday or something, I don't know, maybe the fresh air will do some good…just us two, no hospitals, no family, just me and you" he rambled on feeling Castiel stiffen underneath him.

"Where" he breathed turning his head to lay it on his shoulder, Dean closed his eyes feeling the confirmation and warm puffs of air on the crook of his neck.

"Anywhere…Spain, France, Russia, just somewhere then Lawrence" he murmured and then an idea struck him. "England"

"Why?"

"Anna's there" he murmured pulling back to look at his red rimmed eyes and kissing underneath them gently. "She's your best friend, Cas, and if anyone can do something for you it's her"

"Anna" he said whispering her name feeling a sense of déjà vu. "Yes"

"Really?"

"Yes, I would like to go there" Castiel murmured hiccupping softly and feeling his body shudder in relief when Dean hugged him tight in his arms. He wasn't about to let them go without a fight.

**A/N: Here you go, guys! **

**Feedback is always appreciated! **


	9. Chapter 9

"Right, I've called Anna and she's a bit bummed I hadn't told her about the accident but she's willing to forget since we're coming over there to see her" Dean said as they packed their suitcases ready to head out that night.

"So she knows I won't remember her?"

"Yeah, she's upset about it but nothing major…we're staying for a week"

"Will my work mind?" Castiel said zipping up his suitcase and sitting down on the bed with a weary sigh.

"No, we need this, Cas" he said coming over to him and cupping behind his neck rubbing the skin gently with his thumbs. Castiel closed his eyes at the affectionate touch feeling warmth inside him.

"We'll get away for a week, come back, and celebrate Sammy's early birthday thing" he said with a small smile. Castiel tilted his head at him considering the idea and nodded gripping onto his wrists staring up into his eyes.

Dean's eyes were drawn to the rosy tint of his lips and he couldn't resist leaning in and kissing him softly. Castiel kissed him back hesitantly and pulled back looking up to him.

"Sorry" Dean said with a wince knowing it was still difficult for him. Castiel shook his head touching his cheek gently before removing Dean's hands and going into the bathroom. Dean sighed kicking the bed annoyed at himself.

"Idiot" he muttered hitting his forehead and slamming the lid of his suitcase down.

Castiel gripped the counter staring in the mirror. His eyes were wide and filled with such confusion but the bags underneath them startled him, he hadn't realised how tired he actually was. He scowled at the pale pink scar on his forehead wishing it would just disappear and not keeping reminding him of the situation he was in.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want Chinese?" he called going through the take away leaflets.

"Um, yes" he called back collecting his toothbrush and razor and taking a deep breath before heading out and packing them.

Dean frowned at Phoebe who glared at him from across the room.

"Looks like I'm in our dogs bad books" Dean murmured when Castiel descended down the stairs dropping down next to him.

"Why?"

"Because we're leaving her" he said with a shrug. Castiel smirked at him dropping down and patting his lap for her to come over to him.

"We'll miss you too" he murmured scratching behind her ears. Dean rolled his eyes at them but felt an affectionate glow in his heart as he ordered takeout.

The rest of the evening was spent watching movies and eating Chinese on the couch. Dean for the first time felt some sort of happiness in that moment when he slumped into the cushions watching Castiel instead of the film. Castiel sat away from him stroking the dog before his eyes flickered to the time and he groaned stretching out his spine and muscles.

"We need sleep, we're getting up at 3am" Dean muttered switching off the film. Castiel sighed in agreement glancing over to Dean who sat awkwardly on the edge.

"You sleeping in the spare room?"

"Yes" he breathed avoiding his eyes but could see out of the corner in his eye Dean's shoulders slump a little and his posture stiffen a little.

"Yeah…right, I'll set the alarm and wake you at 3" Dean said stiffly getting up off the couch quickly heading towards the stairs. Castiel waited till he heard the bedroom door click before he headed up also feeling guilty as hell. He reached the top of the stairs looking at the bedroom door knowing he had hurt Dean once again.

"Come on" he whispered to Phoebe who followed him with knowing eyes. "Shut up"

Castiel tugged off his jeans climbing into the cold bed looking over to Phoebe who placed her head in her paws looking over to him.

"I know what you're thinking, why am in here when I have a perfectly fine bed with a warm body in it" he whispered over to her. "It's too weird for me, Phoebe"

Phoebe turned her head away from curling up and going to asleep leaving him alone with his thoughts. He lay back in the bed staring up at the dark white ceiling feeling a hundred thoughts run through his mind and not one of them good.

Castiel didn't know how long he was there lying on his side, back, and front trying to get some sleep feeling some excitement for his upcoming holiday to a whole new country and it was a comfort that Dean had no idea what was going to happen either. He groaned pushing his face into the pillow hearing Phoebe's breathing in the corner of the room disturbing him. Rolling over to his side, Castiel stared at the empty space beside him feeling an ache in his chest that just wouldn't fade. Letting out a frustrated groan he kicked off the covers padding out of the room closing the door firmly behind him to keep Phoebe in.

Castiel hovered over the door knob gripping it firmly and opening the door to see Dean snoring softly into his pillow strewn out across the bed. He bit his bottom lip gently considering turning back but his feet moved forward without thinking till he reached the edge of the bed and reached down to touch his cheek. Dean moaned at the touch shaking his head and opening one eye to look around, he jumped slightly when he caught sight of Castiel standing over him.

They stared at each other not saying a word till Dean shifted back on the bed opening the cover up inviting him in. Castiel inhaled shakily crawling in next to him and pressing against his chest as Dean covered the quilt over them.

"What…" Dean started to whisper until Castiel shook his head mutely moving to lie it against his chest listening to his erratic heartbeat. Dean wrapped a comforting arm around his waist pressing his lips into his hair inhaling the fruity exotic smell of his shampoo with a small moan, it felt and smelt so good.

Castiel lay in his arms not quite knowing what he was doing here but Dean was safe, a warmth that never faded and this man loved him, so for now it was a comforting notion. Dean held him tight knowing something was changing, this was a first, this had never happened and he had been praying for the moment Castiel would return to his bed.

"Sleep" Dean murmured into his ear stroking a hand down his spine. Castiel nodded pressing his face into his chest feeling his form tremble in fear but ignored it for the time being as he closed his eyes praying for sleep.

~0~

What felt like 5 minutes later was Dean shaking him awake gently.

"Leave me alone" he whispered rolling away from him grumpily. Dean chuckled despite the hour running a hand down his side leaving his hand to rest on his hip.

"England, Cas" he whispered climbing out and rubbing his eyes as he stumbled around dressing into fresh clothes.

"Why did you choose a horrible flight time?" he hissed sitting up in the bed shivering.

"It was the only one they had" Dean replied with a shrug throwing a jumper at him. "So get dressed right now"

Castiel grumbled underneath his breath sliding out of the bed pulling on the clothes that Dean threw at him.

"I am never letting you book us another holiday at this time" he moaned stalking past him. Dean grinned at his back and raised an eyebrow.

"Another holiday" he murmured. "I'll keep that in mind"

After half an hour of moaning and a heated message to be at the house for Phoebe to Sam they set off to the airport. Castiel didn't think twice as he leaned on Dean's shoulder as they waited for their plane to arrive. Dean blinked wrapping an arm around his waist leaning his head against his.

"You're quite adorable sleepy"

"Shut up"

Dean smirked looking up at the board waiting patiently noticing an elderly woman also waiting for the plane glaring at them.

"Problem?" he called over to her making her jump and look away scolded. Castiel frowned at him looking over to her also and nudged him in the ribs.

"Is this what you are normally like? Scaring old women at four in the morning"

"She was glaring at us! Homophobic bitch" he said loudly enough for her and other passengers to hear.

Castiel blushed moving away from him which made Dean laugh ever harder poking him in his spine.

"Lighten up"

"I shall when you stop broadcasting across the airport" he hissed turning away from him.

Dean frowned at his back placing a hand on the small of his back.

"Are you ashamed of us?"

"No" he said quickly still not facing him.

"I'm sorry for reacting towards an old bat glaring at us like we're disgusting, I see nothing disgusting here" he murmured confused. Castiel swallowed refusing to acknowledge him till Dean sighed moving away from him throwing up his hands in defeat.

"Fine, whatever" Dean said folding his arms over looking pointy away from him. Thankfully for them both their flight number was called and they set off in stony silence towards their gate handing over their tickets as they moved down the tunnel.

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting in their seats when Dean felt his old childhood fear kick in and he gritted teeth. Dean hated planes. Castiel was looking out of the window ignoring Dean till he noticed out of the corner of his eyes him breathing hard, the knuckles of his fists white and standing out.

"Dean?" he murmured noticing the sheen of sweat covering his forehead already. "Dean, what is it?"

"I hate planes" he whispered back to him staring forward and staying forward.

"You…what? Why would you come on a plane if you hate them?" Castiel said astonished.

"Well we can't exactly drive across the ocean can we?" he growled at him angrily.

"I was only concerned" Castiel said in a low voice laced in fury.

"I know, I know…I'm sorry" Dean murmured reaching to his hand and squeezing it hard. Castiel frowned fighting the urge to pull away and tell him to stick it but held on knowing that Dean was just frightened.

"It'll be okay"

"How the hell do you know? You hear about planes going down all the time!" he hissed turning to look at him. "I remember a certain event last year"

"What event?"

Dean groaned exasperated pressing a hand over his eyes. "9/11"

Castiel blinked confused looking around the plane not quite understanding what he meant but didn't press him about it in public.

"What can I do?"

"This" Dean said guiding his hand over his wrist and making him rub his thumb over his pulse. "It'll help"

Castiel nodded glad to be helpful as he rubbed a thumb over his pulse keeping him relatively calm. Dean breathed out of his mouth ignoring everyone around him and focusing on his breathing and the constant pressure over his erratic pulse.

"We'll be there soon, Dean, try and sleep" Castiel murmured softly against his shoulder stilling when Dean pressed his forehead against his.

"Thank you" he breathed dropping off to sleep quickly than Castiel anticipated.

"Anytime" he whispered back moving back into his seat closing his own eyes feeling like jelly.

~0~

8 hard hours passed on the plane and Dean had been sick twice despite his desperate attempts not to be. Dean groaned when they landed in Heathrow clutching onto Castiel's sore hand and whispered "Thank you" over and over again.

"Can we just stay in England?" Dean said as he stood on shaky legs walking off the plane. "Screw the journey home"

Castiel smiled apologetically at the attendant as they got off the plane moving into the terminal to collect their bags and meet Anna.

"You just need some sleep and food" Castiel said gently as they waited for their suitcases to come through and then moved onto the entrance.

Anna glanced around the crowded entrance not seeing a familiar face, not the one she wanted, and ran her fingers through her curls nervously.

Dean smiled when he saw her and whistled loudly catching her attention as she grinned rushing over to them hugging Dean first.

"Oh my god!" she squealed as he hugged her back. Dean glanced over to Castiel who was fixing hard eyes on her as she hugged him.

Anna let go quickly looking to Castiel hesitantly. "Hey, Cassy" she whispered.

"Anna?" he said blinking and feeling a rush of pain and clutched his forehead feeling the alarm off Dean. What felt like a rush of memories hitting him all at once caused a surprising amount of pain as he remembered hugging her, sat in different lessons with her, out in a unknown playground, getting dressed in fancy clothes, laughing, and most of all the overwhelming love he held for his childhood friend.

"Anna" he breathed opening his eyes to see her surprised expression as he threw his arms around her hugging tight. Anna gasped hugging him back and laughing at a dumbfounded Dean.

"Hey, sweetheart" she said rocking them gently feeling tears spring to her eyes as Castiel breathed in her flowery scent feeling the overwhelming feeling now to cry in front of her.

"What the hell?" Dean murmured when Castiel let go of her.

"I don't know" Castiel said slowly looking over to him. "I just…remember her; it was like lightening striking me"

"It didn't happen with me" he snapped feeling jealously course through his veins.

"I know but…" he said turning back to Anna who was wiping underneath her eyes.

"He just loves me more" she said with a wink. Dean glared at her unimpressed but let out a sigh knowing it was actually very good he did remember.

"Shut up, where's Bela?" he said looking around noticing Anna shift a little.

"We broke up"

"Shit" Dean said receiving a stern look from Castiel. "When?"

"A few days ago, she's being cheating on me on her so called "business trips" I confronted her, she didn't deny, so I chucked the lying bitch out" she said with a shrug looking down at the floor.

"I'm sorry, Anna" Castiel said reaching out to her.

Anna let out a sad chuckle squeezing his hand back. "Why should I care? Her loss, anyway, I have you guys for a whole week! We have so much to catch up on, so get those suitcases and follow me"

Castiel picked it up looking back to Dean who followed after him still feeling edgy and a little shaken from Castiel's sudden fit back there and he swallowed feeling a little spark of hope. If a person could do that and bring back all those memories maybe if he took him back to every place that held a special memory it would return?

Dean whistled when they stopped in front of a rather beautiful red car.

"Mines better though"

"What, that old 67 Impala?" she said with a scoff.

"My baby" he said with a nod.

Castiel frowned looking at him hurt. "I thought I was your baby"

"I have two babies" he murmured softly. "But you're my number one"

Ann gagged getting in the car as Dean and Castiel put their suitcases in the boot. Dean slid in the front while Castiel took the back and Anna pulled out of the car park.

"A car crash, amnesia, and six years together and you two are still disgustingly in love" she murmured taking a hard right. Dean grinned out of the window while Castiel bit his lip also looking out of the window afraid to admit her wrong. Castiel didn't know what he felt for Dean but it wasn't love, not nearly enough.

"So this is London?" Dean said casting an eye around as they passed through the streets. "The only London I have seen is from that show, Cas, used to like"

"What show?" Castiel said suddenly interested.

"We downloaded them, Doctor Who, or whatever"

Anna laughed at the both of them and shook her head. "British television corrupts all"

"It's an okay show" Dean said with a shrug. "Little tacky"

"It was good, I hear they are making another show" Anna said lightly.

Dean looked at Castiel in the rear-view mirror noticing him chewing on a hangnail on his thumb nervously.

"You okay?"

"Yes" he said slowly.

Anna looked between them with a small frown but didn't pick on it till they reached her house and Dean gaped looking up at it.

"Holy shit!" he cried getting out looking up at the three storey house in front of them painted white with a lavish blue door holding a little garden neatly done and perfectly immaculate.

"This is the benefit of having a gorgeous, rich, ex-girlfriend who happily agreed to let you have the house while she swans off to Florida with her whore" she murmured bitterly.

Dean eyed her up and down shaking his head. "You are still head over heels for that girl aren't you?"

"No" she protested hands on hips.

"I know the feeling" he murmured giving her a look as she glanced over to Castiel getting the suitcases.

"Oh" she breathed getting the keys out as Dean went over to him getting his out and stopping him for a moment appraising him.

"How you feeling? You scared me back there, Cas, what the hell was that?"

"I have no idea but I just recognised her and before I know it I am remembering everything about her…I don't know why it happened"

"Right, okay, you sure you're okay?" he whispered and smiled when Castiel nodded slamming the car boot down.

"Are you guys coming or what?" she shouted to them as they climbed the little stairs to the front door. Dean stepped in first mouth open as he looked down the stunning hallway feeling a little envy and jealously creep up on him as he stared at the cream coloured walls holding artists paintings which led to the living area filled with a large black 40in television, creamy white leather sofa taking up most of the room and a fluffy black rug you just wanted to roll around on.

"This is…" Dean said breathlessly.

"Gorgeous" Castiel said finishing him off as Anna giggled turning on the spot nodding.

"I know, Bela is a millionaire now and well…I was very, very spoiled"

"Oh I bet you was" Dean muttered walking into the kitchen and nearly falling on the ground in need and want. "Oh fucking hell"

"I know" she purred strolling in and looking at the refurbished kitchen. "The house is amazing, it's gorgeous, it has everything I could ever want but…"

"It's missing one thing or should I say…person" he said making her jump and nod.

"There are three bedrooms upstairs, the top floor is a guest room slash entertainment suite"

"What kind?" he whispered.

"The usual, television, stereo, one of those stupid football tables, PlayStation, she had a lot of male friends for a lesbian" she said with a chuckle.

"Awesome!" Dean cried running away from her and up the stairs. Castiel followed him with his eyes and moved towards Anna who grinned at him.

"It's so good to see you" she whispered. "Coffee? Or something stronger"

"Something stronger" he murmured sitting down on the bar stool. Anna grabbed the wine bottle pouring cold red wine into two glasses and handed one over to him.

"I couldn't believe it when Dean told me…do you really not remember him?" she whispered in a pained voice.

"No, I remember bits and pieces of him, small memories but…" he said sipping the wine and sighing cradling his head into his hands. "It's like being married to a stranger who I have grown to care and appreciate for looking out for me"

"Cassy…" she whispered and he shook his head.

"I don't know what to do! My brother's keep telling me to carry on but…Anna, you have to help me" he pleaded and she caught his hands gripping them tight in her own. "Help me fall in love with him again"

Anna let out a surprised gasp cradling the back of his head letting him press his forehead against her cheek as she held him close.

"I'll try" she murmured feeling such a rush of sadness run through her veins and enter her heart at the distress of her oldest friend. "I'll make everything better, just like I always do"

Castiel let out an agonising breath gripping her hand tight and just prayed she could, he couldn't do this anymore.

**A/N: Just FYI for everyone, this is set in 2002. I don't know why, it just came out that way. **

**Anyway, enjoy! Review please! Feedback is really good and it doesn't take long at all!**


	10. Chapter 10

"Six years and she cheats?" Dean asked as they sat down that night for dinner.

"I know" she said with a sigh drinking back her wine and slamming the glass back down with a gasp. "She's a spiteful bitch"

"Anna…" Castiel said tilting his head in concern. "You loved her"

"An ex is an ex for a reason, guys; she fucked the nearest slag she could find so you know what? Good riddance" she muttered stabbing at her chicken. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about her while you are here"

Dean gave a sidelong glance to Castiel who shrugged gently at him. They eat the rest of their dinner in silence till Dean let out a groan.

"You're a really good cook!" he said patting his stomach with a smile just for her. Anna rolls her eyes collecting the plates up and dumping them in the sink.

"I can cook very well, I admit to that" she said.

Dean glanced towards the stairs and back to Castiel who watched him amused.

"PlayStation?"

"I paused the game…" he said trailing off as Castiel smiled kicking him gently.

"You are a child" he muttered and smiled when Dean grinned hopping out the chair. Anna watched them from the kitchen with a fond expression before walking over and dropping down to sit on Dean's empty seat.

"You say you don't love him but that speaks volumes"

"I care about him"

"Why?" she said sitting properly and facing him.

"Because…I do, it's a natural instinct is it not? He was there the moment I woke up from that accident, he's taken care of me, he's my husband and I did love him once"

"You can love him again" she said taking his hand and leading him into her personal study and sitting him down on the sofa. "So lover boy won't disturb us"

Castiel curled his legs up to himself sitting on the little sofa staring up at her.

"Do you know what happened the very first time you two got together?"

"He told me it was at a party"

"Yeah, Pamela's party and the morning before you were ranting about how much you hated him! The next thing I know I am being told at that party you and him practically charged up the stairs like a bitch in heat" she said with a puff of laughter. "But you told me the next day you threw up in the middle and instead you cuddled…"

Castiel grimaced looking towards her little brown desk in the middle of the room covered in magazines and papers.

"But then he promised you…he would make you happy, make you feel loved, and he kept it. Here you are six years later, Cas, yes there are complications but you're still together and that's amazing" she murmured dropping down to her knees and cupping her hand around his.

"It doesn't feel amazing, it feels like I have a huge brick wall in my mind and I'm trying to knock it down but it won't budge"

"You remembered me, I think a chunk is gone" she said with an air of amusement.

"Maybe, but I want to remember everything! I want to remember our wedding" he said in a pained voice clutching his hands together. "I see it on photos, I see the memory in his eyes when he tells me and it kills me, Anna, I hate hurting him"

"It's not your fault" she whispered smoothing a hand over his cheek. Castiel squeezed his eyes together fighting back the tears threatening to spill over, Anna sighed joining him on the couch.

"Okay, so far since the crash you have remembered some things right?"

Castiel nodded in confirmation staring at the red carpet intently.

"So have you kissed him?"

"Yes?"

"Slept in the same bed?"

"Only recently, I've been sleeping in the spare room but it's a comfort to sleep next to a warm body instead a cold pillow"

"You had sex?"

"No"

Anna's eyes brightened and she snapped her fingers. "That's it"

"That's what?" he replied baffled.

"Sex" she purred watching Castiel's eyes go wide and his form back away scared.

"Sex?"

"Have sex with him! You've kissed, hugged, shared a bed, but not done the big deed! This could help you, Cas!"

"How can sex help me?"

"Sex is a connection, Castiel, it's deep, it's intimate, it's loving and with someone who you love it is the best thing in the world" she said wistfully. "You don't have to be afraid or frightened with them; you can be yourself and be connected in ways you can't possibly imagine"

Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat staring into the overexcited eyes of Anna who gripped his hands tight.

"I don't know if I can" he whispered.

"Of course you can" Anna scoffed at him. "He's your husband and believe me when I tell you that you've had sex with that man more times than I could imagine"

"So, I just walk up to him and…" he said gesturing as she bit her lip to stop her laughter and shrugged.

"Whatever you think is best, Cas, but sex is one way to tell if you can ever love him again! If you feel nothing afterwards then…"

"That's just using him!" he reacted horrified looking away from her.

"Okay, okay!" Anna cried throwing her hands up and getting up. "It was just an idea but what else can you do, Cas? I mean the very first time you got together you nearly had sex and it took off from there"

Castiel shook his head into his hands knowing it was such a stupid idea but what if it did work, what if the connection and intimacy drove him towards that path once again?

"Look I'm going to head out for a few hours, go see some friends, drink wine till I pass out and then cry because I'm still in love with my slut of an ex" she said pulling on her coat checking her makeup in the mirror before spinning on a heel to face him. "You're married, Cas, if you want to love him again maybe this is a start"

Castiel could feel the butterflies in his stomach roll and flutter nervously, Anna bent down kissing his cheek.

"I'll be back later" she called as she walked out of the study heading towards the front door. Castiel twisted his hands nervously contemplating his decision before heading towards the staircase and heading up them.

Castiel found Dean in the bedroom, Anna, had given them flicking through the channels.

"Well this sucks! British television sure is a load of crap" he mumbled switching it off and turning towards him with a grin that faltered.

"Hey, you okay?" he said when Castiel came in shutting the door behind them looking at the floor.

"What happened to your game?"

"Oh, died again and again" he growled bitterly looking towards the window and the back garden. "Holy shit…this garden is huge! I think I should have dumped you off and got with this Bela chick"

"What would you rather have… money or love?"

"Both, but love I guess" he said with a wistful sigh touching the glass.

Castiel looked over the sweep of his back seeing the hard muscle underneath his grey shirt, he crept over carefully pressing himself against his back kissing his nape softly. Dean stiffened in shock turning around slowly looking down into Castiel's eyes in shocked wonder.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

Castiel stared back knowing he was in his personal space and could feel the temper and mood shift in the room almost suddenly. Castiel's eyes grazed over the panes of his face breathing gentle air onto his lips which made Dean close his eyes with a low moan. He had never noticed before but Dean's skin held a sun kissed golden glow dusted with light freckles he wanted to kiss.

Castiel let out a small sound as he trailed his fingers across his face feeling the heat of his skin underneath his fingertips as he pressed his cold lips to the corner of his mouth.

"_Cas…_" Dean moaned low under his breath gripping his hips tight and bringing him flush against his chest. Castiel trailed his lips across Dean's tasting the faint taste of wine and a little chicken before claiming him in a firm but gentle kiss.

Dean's insides felt like jelly as he cupped the back of Castiel's head grasping his hair. Castiel widened his mouth sliding his tongue against Dean's feeling the soft warmth of his mouth and nearly collapsing when his arousal grew and his cock hardened.

Dean gasped pulling away feeling the hardness of Castiel's cock press into his thigh.

"Cas?"

"I want you" he murmured backing him up and pressing him down into the massive bed. Dean splayed his hands out feeling the silky purple sheets underneath him and cursed Anna for being such a girl.

"What-why?" he murmured against his lips as Castiel straddled him nipping the soft plump bottom lip gently.

"Because I want to feel, Dean, I want to be with you and I want to know I can do this" he said reaching for the hem of the grey shirt and tugging it up and off him. Castiel marvelled with a low "hmm" as he trailed his fingernails down his chest. Dean hissed and bucked his hips feeling the gentle pressure of pain and pleasure building up.

"Baby, are you sure? Because I don't want to do anything…" he rambled only to be cut off by a harsh kiss from Castiel. Dean succumbed gripping the top of his shoulders feeling pressure on his lips weaken and move into a more passionate clash of tongue and teeth. They scrambled together as they pulled off different items of clothing till Castiel was straddling Dean's bare hips also naked.

Castiel felt nerves tug underneath his skin as he stared down at him and his brain screamed, _"What are you doing?" _

"It'll be alright, I'll take care of you" Dean whispered pushing his body up and staring into the suddenly vulnerable blue eyes and kissing along his jaw. "We'll take it slow"

The skin to skin contact of their chests made Dean shiver and Castiel tremble feeling Dean's warm mouth suck on the sensitive part underneath his ear. Castiel gasped rutting against him his cock bouncing against the skin of his stomach.

"That's one of your weaknesses" Dean whispered licking into the shell of his ear. Castiel let out a shaky gasp tilting his head back looking up at the high ceiling listening to his shaky breaths and the sound of Dean on his collarbone creating mark after mark.

Dean returned to his mouth and Castiel responded instantly kissing him breathless till Dean pulled back looking dazed, swollen mouthed and horny as hell.

Dean grit his teeth flipping them over so Castiel landed on the bed with a soft thump making him gasp gripping his arms in shock.

"I topped first time, I'm topping again" he murmured against his chest as he left a trail of heated kisses down the middle of his stomach and chest.

"Fine" Castiel whispered moving further up the bed spreading his legs so Dean could fit into them.

"Cas, do you remember anything about sex?"

"Not really"

"So you're like a…virgin all over again" he murmured ghosting his lips over his nipple so confused but ultimately turned on. "I get to take it again, oh that is so hot"

"How?" he said with a gasp arching his back up against his mouth when Dean took his nipple into his mouth teasing gently.

"Because I was your first and I'm your last" Dean said with a smug smile sliding his hands down his writhing body and settling them on his hips. Castiel let out a small whimper when Dean nuzzled his groin inhaling the scent that was just _Castiel. _

Dean slid his tongue down the line of his pelvis tasting sweat and something sweet causing Castiel to moan and wriggle on the sheets clutching one hand in Dean's hair and the other in their sheets.

"Dean…" he panted out in sharp gasps feeling Dean's lips move up to his thighs. His thighs quivered and shook and his body felt sweaty already as Dean bit the delicate skin of his inner thigh.

"Dean…please" he whispered arching his back and spreading his legs wider. Dean groaned helplessly into his thigh lifting his head to stare into the wild blue eyes and crawling back up to him.

"100% sure"

"It's a little too late now!" Castiel hissed back at him fully aroused and seeing no way out of this predicament now. Dean smiled lazily pressing a finger to his lips for him to wait, Dean rolled off hearing a disappointed groan from Castiel who missed the warmth and heat of his body. Castiel sat up looking at his ass and tilting his head at it to admire his anatomy.

"Perfect ass" he whispered looking up to Dean who raised an eyebrow coming back over to him, Castiel spreading his legs.

"Slut" Dean muttered nipping his bottom lip making him yelp and gawp at him. "Spreading your legs for me like that"

"In my mind I haven't had sex" he hissed feeling anger and arousal pump through his veins as he ran his fingers into Dean's short brown hair before tugging it hard.

Dean let out a low groan liking the pain and glaring at him as he slicked his fingers up with the lube he bought. Castiel watched in interest till Dean moved them down pressing them against his hole, Dean stared down at him as he gasped wordlessly to the fingers penetrating him. Castiel moaned squeezing his eyes shut and arching his head back exposing his throat.

"Shush, I got you, baby" Dean whispered slipping a second finger into him scissoring his fingers and flexing them inside him.

Pain, desire, pleasure and a burning sensation flooded Castiel's senses as he wriggled and panted on the bed feeling Dean open him up wider.

"Dean…I…please" he said in ramblings instead of words feeling a third finger slip inside the deep heat of his entrance and moaned louder when he finger fucked him slowly.

"I got you, I got you" Dean whispered moving up and kissing him tenderly. Castiel whimpered keeping his eyes open staring into Dean's as he grew tired of teasing and positioned himself.

"You ready?"

Castiel nodded silently sliding his hands into Dean's hands so they were palm to palm feeling the head of his cock enter him slowly. Castiel cried out against the sudden pain rippling across his front and back mostly squeezing Dean's hand tightly.

Dean also closed his eyes feeling a breath and cry of relief entering into that hot but familiar warmth of his lover. Castiel moaned low when he fully hilted inside him waiting till Castiel adjusted to him.

Castiel let out a raspy pant feeling the slow numbing pain slip away into something amazing and tingly as Dean rolled his hips sliding in and out of him in a long push. Castiel nodded wrapping his legs around his waist pressing his heels into his ass encouraging him in. Dean moaned low capturing his mouth and throwing their hand down either side of his head as he thrusted into him slowly feeling Castiel's grunts into his mouth.

Castiel's heart beat a broken beat seeing the love and adoration in Dean's eyes as they stared into his like he was only person in the world who mattered.

That was the moment he knew and saw how much Dean truly loved him and bit his lip feeling a tear escape his eye. Dean noticed it and caught it in his mouth as he trailed a soft kiss up his cheek.

"Baby?" he whispered concerned as he thrusted into him slowing even more down.

"No, don't stop" he whispered gripping the back of his neck shaking his head. Dean obliged thrusting deeper inside him teasing the prostate gaining a scream from Castiel who shuddered and rolled his hips to meet Dean's.

The room was filled with the sounds of their moans and sweaty skin slapping against each other as Dean fisted a hand around Castiel's neglected cock. Three quick strokes and Castiel could feel the burn in his balls harden as he cried out into Dean's neck spilling cum all over his chest and his own. Dean pumped him riding out his orgasm till Castiel collapsed against the bed cover breathless and sated moaning softly as Dean thrusted into him harder.

Sliding his hands down his sweaty back, Castiel cupped his ass squeezing and kneading it hard sending Dean over the edge as he rode out his own orgasm filling Castiel's insides with his own seed.

Dean growled a low groan collapsing on Castiel who huffed catching his weight and breathed out inhaling the smell of sweat, salt and come lingering in the air. It smelled of sex.

"Dean…can't breathe" he murmured running a hand into his sweaty hair.

Dean grunted pulling out of him slowly with a wince from both guys before rolling onto his back breathing hard and fast.

"Holy shit" Dean breathed rolling onto his side looking at Castiel who blinked sleepily. "Why did we just do that? I thought you weren't even…"

Castiel rolled over to face him pressing a finger to his lip to silence him and shook his head.

"Let's sleep, we'll talk later" he murmured stroking over his cheek and kissing the corner of his mouth like the start. Dean's brow furrowed but he nodded as they both moved up still in pain but good pain, Castiel burrowed under the blankets waiting for Dean who joined him.

Dean curled up taking Castiel into his arms so rest in the crook of his neck.

"You sure you're alright?" Dean whispered into his hair.

"Yes, Dean, now try and sleep" he murmured into his neck closing his eyes and feeling a warmth so painful it felt well erupt in his heart. Castiel didn't understand love yet but this overwhelming warmth, protectiveness and tenderness he felt now for the man who held him tight had to be something to do with the word, "love".

Something stirred in conscious as another night flew to his mind, a similar one in the dark holding a special event that made Castiel's head hurt. He glanced up to Dean who was now snoring into his hair and bit his lip choosing to address that and his feelings later on because for now it was just them two, the world could wait.

**A/N: Thank you for the response, guys!**

**I'm glad I have made you cry and happy, seriously, it means I am doing something right!**


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel woke up to a snuffling in his ear and blinked awake wondering if he was at home and Phoebe was beside him instead of Dean and jumped awake in a panic. He looked up to see Dean holding him tight nose buried in his hair as he breathed in and out deeply. Castiel smiled softly kissing in the crease of his neck and edging out of his arms feeling a discomfort in his bladder.

Dean grunted rolling away and sighing deeply into his sleep. Castiel smiled again tracing his finger down his spine watching him shudder and moan low underneath his breath. He hopped out of bed wincing at the pain in his groin and hissing when he redressed and walked out and into the bathroom. He walked out fully prepared to go back to bed when he heard a crash downstairs.

He walked into the kitchen to see Anna heaving into the kitchen sink.

"Rough night?" he questioned her as she jumped startled.

"Shit, you scared me" she breathed clutching a hand over her heart before swilling water around her mouth and spitting. "Yes, a very rough night and I am severely hung over and ashamed of myself"

Castiel let out a small chuckle leaning against the wall watching as Anna spun around to face him.

"You look happy"

"I am"

She moved forward sniffing his shoulder while he looked at her bemused.

"You reek of sex" she said with a smug smile. "So you did it then?"

"Yes, I wanted to not because you told me too" he murmured folding his arms across his chest.

"So…how was it?"

Castiel sighed deeply biting down on his bottom lip.

"Amazing, connected, everything I had actually dreamt of happening"

Anna giggled behind her hand pulling him into a big hug, Castiel clung to her surprised.

"I knew it would work! But how do you feel"

"I don't know, I mean it was amazing and…but I don't know how I feel" he said staring off into the distance. "I feel a certain tenderness for him, a protectiveness like he's mine but I don't know…I've never felt it before"

Anna hummed letting go of him and stepping back.

"Falling in love maybe?"

"Maybe" he murmured softly in doubt.

Anna closed her eyes letting out a soft groan holding her sore stomach. "Right, hot shot, I'm going back to bed so you know…don't be too loud"

Castiel rolled his eyes at her as she winked walking back upstairs looking like death. He made himself a cup of coffee and followed her up returning to his room to see Dean still sleeping soundly in the bed.

Sitting down beside him he trailed his fingers into his soft hair teasing the edges till Dean woke up with a soft moan.

"Hey" he murmured sleepily rubbing his eyes turning towards him. "I thought it was all a dream"

"No, it was very real" he murmured putting his cup down and sliding down next to him blushing a little.

"Good" he growled pulling him down into a heated kiss. Castiel groaned into his mouth feeling Dean's tongue sweep into it tasting the coffee.

"You taste amazing" Dean whispered against his lips.

"Coffee?"

"This early in the morning, it's like heaven" he replied with a shrug trailing his mouth down his neck. "So, can we talk now?"

"Yes" he said putting his hands on his shoulders and pushing him back. Dean stiffened alarmed but let it slide as he looked him over.

"Why did we have sex?"

"Isn't that what couples do?"

"Not us, well not recently since the accident" Dean murmured raising his fingers to Cas' forehead and trailing them across his scar. "Was it some sort of test?"

"Yes and no, I wanted to, Dean, but it was a test for me, a test to know that I could do it, I could be with you…"

"Has it changed anything?"

"I don't know yet" he whispered cupping his cheek gently. Dean leaned into it closing his eyes and opened them to see him looking away from him.

"Do you remember anything else?"

"A night we had, it held a special event…it was dark and in our bedroom back home" he said with a shrug.

Dean grimaced. "That's nothing to go by, it could be a birthday, anniversary, but I guess it' something and we're getting somewhere"

"You think"

"I know" Dean whispered pressing closer to him. "We just jumped a massive step and it was amazing, you were amazing, and I'm so glad you took it"

"Good" Castiel whispered closing his eyes when he kissed him stroking a hand into his hair gripping it tight.

"I love you no matter what" Dean murmured stroking his cheek softly.

Castiel whimpered arching into his touch and nodded quickly. "I know that, I know that now"

They stayed like that kissing lazily till Dean broke away staring at his swollen lips and flushed cheeks with a smile.

"I had an idea" Dean said fixing him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"When this week is over, we don't go back, we take a little…detour" he muttered trailing his fingers across his collarbone. Castiel shivered exhaling shakily and blinked staring into his eyes.

"What are you on about?"

"We go Spain"

"What? Why?" he said baffled.

"Because it got me thinking, Cas, if you can see Anna and get all those memories back why can't a place do that?"

"I've been at home and it hasn't there"

"Well you remembered the accident, us having sex on a kitchen table and a load from Phoebe" Dean murmured softly considering. "I want to take you somewhere that could bring back a memory, Cas, this one is important to me and you because it was when we got engaged"

"Okay, we'll go"

Dean blinked startled and gave a small smile. "Wow, I didn't think you would give in so easily"

"If it makes you happy"

"It does but I want you to happy as well, Cas, this isn't just for me, it's for both of us"

"I know, I understand that"

"Okay then" Dean murmured rolling on to his back and stretching out his kinks and muscles feeling tired and relaxed. "Hey, where's Anna? Was she in when we…"

"Oh! No, she went out and is now severely hungover"

Dean raised an eyebrow rolling onto his stomach and eyeing him up and down. "I wonder what we can do while she gets over it…"

"Do you have a one track mind, Dean?" Castiel said with an air of amusement watching as he pushed up onto his knees and sat down tugging him onto his lap. Castiel straddled him wrapping his legs around his waist and smiling weakly when Dean brushed back his hair trailing his fingers through it.

"I never thought I would be able to do this again" he murmured more to himself.

"Why?"

"Because of the accident and the fact you don't feel the same way about me anymore" Dean replied sadly letting his hand fall. "I gave up a little bit of hope on ever being able to kiss you, touch you or even just hug you again"

Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat and simply just nodded. The feelings he felt yesterday still lingered, weak but there, and he knew they were because of force; he would do anything to love him back.

"Well you have now" he said in a gentle tone. Dean squinted and sighed pressing his lips against his in a firm kiss before pulling away and sighing deeply.

"God, I'm hungry"

"Then you have permission to eat"

Dean stared at him and let out a puff of laughter poking him in the nose.

"Look who's being all witty" he said with a grin when Castiel chuckled getting off his lap.

"Go make me food, I command it"

"Oh" Dean said eyeing it. "I actually like that"

"What?"

"You commanding me"

"Who's the slut now?"

Dean chuckled nodding and pointing a finger at him as he walked out. "You are"

Castiel hummed leaning back into the pillow watching him walk out and closed his eyes feeling a dread fill his stomach for no reason at all. He sighed rolling onto his stomach inhaling the smell of Dean on the cushion and just hoped it would fade.

~0~

"Oh there was a girl…she took me into the bathrooms…" Anna said in horror as they sat down for dinner that night.

"Oh too much information" Dean said with a grimace when she cringed burying her head into her hands.

"I was drunk" she said with a scowl looking down at her food. Dean rolled his eyes at her looking towards Castiel who was staring at nothing in deep thought.

"Cas?"

He jumped looking straight towards him and blinked shaking his head quickly.

"I'm fine"

Dean narrowed his eyes looking towards Anna who shrugged.

"So you guys are really going to Madrid?"

"Yeah, booked our flights before" Dean said with a grin. "It might bring back a certain memory"

"What one?"

"Our engagement" Dean said lightly flickering a glance over to Castiel who was now staring out of the window ignoring their conversation. A flicker of unease erupted in Dean's stomach as he watched him but turned back to Anna who replied.

"Oh how cute, I hope you remember, Cas"

Castiel nodded turning back to look at her and then back out of the window again.

"Is he okay?" she mouthed to Dean who shrugged back at her.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks" Anna said loudly standing up and moving out of the room. Dean approached him slowly and settled down in front of him looking into the pain ridden guys with a punch feeling to his gut. There were no words as they stared into each other's eyes and Dean reached out trailing his hand down his cheek with a soulful sigh.

"We're on a long road aren't we?" Dean whispered softly wrapping his hands around his wrists and holding them close.

Castiel sighed deeply and nodded telling Dean all he needed to know.

"I don't know if I'll ever be better" he murmured softly staring down at his lap.

"That's what time is for, Cas, time's a good healer and you'll get better"

"What if I don't?"

"You're making progress now"

"What if I only remember the smaller details? What if I never remember how we met, our engagement, our wedding, all our anniversaries, small but important memories you can talk about over and over and over again but they make no sense to me, Dean" Castiel ranted shoving his hands away pulling his own towards his chest. "I'm gripping on here but every second I'm losing energy, I'm feeling the will to let go and no matter how much I try to forget about it, to concentrate on us and our world it's always there"

"Cas…"

"Dean, you are a stranger in my life I am just getting to know" Castiel said looking up to him with hard eyes. Dean stared into the glacier coloured eyes and felt fear strike him.

"I feel for you, Dean, a feel a tenderness, a protectiveness, a caring ache for you because you are always there for me"

"I love you that's why"

"I know you do but…what if I'm not good enough for you anymore?"

Dean blanched shocked and stiffened his form sitting up straighter in his chair. Castiel's lips formed a tight line and he looked away from him back towards the window watching the rain trail down it.

"Where the hell has this come from? You were fine before and now this?" Dean said gesturing at him. "You're being stupid, Cas"

"No, I'm being realistic!" he hissed at him shoving him back and moving out of the room.

"Where the hell are you going?"

Castiel ignored him storming upstairs and slamming the bedroom door behind him. Anna returned holding a glass of wine and a concerned look on her features.

"What happened?"

"The dude is hot and fucking cold! First he's fine with me the next he's shoving me away and telling me he isn't good enough for me!"

"He has every right to feel that way"

"What?" Dean said in a harsh tone glaring at Anna who narrowed her eyes at him.

"He has been through a traumatic experience, Dean, for fuck sake show some compassion"

"Excuse me!"

"What you think he fucks you and everything will be back to normal?"

"No, I…"

"Well it isn't! He has a long, long, way to go before he feels the least bit normal here, Dean, he's taken a big step starting to trust you, kiss you, hell even having sex with you! He's really trying here and you need to be patient with him"

"I am!"

"Well show it!" she shouted pointing towards the stairs. "Go up there and comfort him, tell him it will be alright, you are there for him and you always will be! Tell him you are there every step of the way and if it takes one day, one month, even one year you are there 100%"

"Okay, okay, sheesh" he said eyeing her up and down as she stood with her hands on her hips looking powerful. "Your girlfriend has rubbed off on you"

"Ex-girlfriend and yes, she's a cruel hearted bitch but I love her, I always will" she said glaring at him before stalking off into the living room. Dean raised an eyebrow at the empty hallway before moving upstairs and hesitantly knocking on the door.

"Cas? If I come in please don't hurt me" he cried through the door and opened it slowly to see Castiel sat on the edge of the bed his back facing him. "Cas?"

Castiel's shoulders were stiff and his posture also as he ignored Dean completely.

"Cas? Stop ignoring me and will you listen to me…please?"

Castiel let out a tiring sigh and turned towards him full on and nodded at him to continue.

"Did you believe in love at first sight?"

"I don't know"

"Well some people do and I am not one of them, I believe in lust at first sight which then grows into love if you are really trying" Dean said crawling on to the bed and kneeling in front of him. "I think that was it was like for me, I met you, I didn't like you at all and the I grew to like you, lust after you and then love you…thankfully you felt the same before the accident"

Castiel shifted uncomfortable and looked back out of the window watching the rain and feeling calm and sheltered as he watched it fall.

"That means that no matter how long it takes I'm here okay?"

"I know" he whispered in a croaky voice repressing emotion.

"You know?"

"I know you will be there for me no matter what, you won't leave my side, and you'll do what it takes to get me back"

Dean bit the inside of his cheek fighting the urge to shout at him but Castiel was correct and he couldn't fight that argument.

"Yes, so stop fighting me and let me help you"

"What do you think I am doing?" he whispered still not looking at him.

"I have no idea! One minute you are okay and the next…" he said feeling his anger again and gritting his teeth fighting it back. "I just don't want you to push me away when everything is going okay, Cas"

Castiel didn't reply and only saw out of the corner of his eye when Dean shifted closer to him tilting his chin towards him.

"I'm keeping my promise, I'm trying my hardest here and if your heart isn't into this then…what's the point?"

"I'm trying also, you know I am!" he protested hurt. "What was last night? Was that just a dream, Dean?"

"No it wasn't but I don't understand where this little episode has come from!"

"You wouldn't understand, Dean, you are not in my position"

"I know I'm not! But this is our lives, Cas, it's tied to yours in every way possible and I just want you to be okay"

Dean watched as tears filled Castiel's eyes and he groaned pressing a hand over his own eyes. Letting out a frustrated sigh he gripped him and pulled him into a tight hug, Castiel gasped clinging to him.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I'm feeling this…dread, this unsettling feeling like something is wrong" he whispered. "I just want to forget, I want to forget for one moment what's happened! Help me…"

Dean felt an agonising tear in his heart at the pleading tone in his voice and pulled away brushing the tip of his nose against his cheek feeling the stubble burn it and sighed gently blowing warm air on his lips before kissing them softly feeling and tasting the salt of his tears.

"Let's forget" Dean whispered pushing him back into the bed kissing him painfully slow and shushing him when he whimpered clinging to him. "I got you"

"Make me forget, just for one minute" he muttered arching his back into his touch and gasping when Dean's hand slid down his neck trailing his fingers across his collarbone and tugging his shirt off him throwing it on the floor. Dean trailed his mouth across the faint brown skin tasting the sweet musky smell from his deodorant and natural scent. Castiel closed his eyes running his fingers through the darkish brown hair moaning low when he unbuckled his belt sliding his jeans down and throwing them on to the floor. Dean kissed down his stomach pressing a kiss over his bellybutton and smiling faintly when he shivered and wriggled on the bed sheet.

"You're so beautiful, Cas, you've always been beautiful" Dean murmured against his skin sliding his hands behind Castiel's back and into his boxers cupping his ass for a moment watching him gasp and close his eyes. Dean slipped them down and over his shoulder staring down at his flushed skin and cock fully erect and leaking pre-cum.

"Dean…" he whined pulling at his t-shirt and Dean understood fully as he stripped off his own clothing till he was also naked and moved down kissing him gently. Castiel moaned gripping the back of his neck as he shifted underneath him till they fitted perfectly together touching in all the right places. Dean moaned when Castiel tore away his mouth kissing a line down his throat leaving small red marks.

"I want you inside me" Castiel whispered breathlessly kissing up his jaw and into the curve of his ear.

"I know" Dean murmured reaching over and grabbing their lube off the nightstand and spreading them onto his fingers slipping one inside him. Castiel hissed arching his throat and gasping his name when he slid them inside him scissoring his fingers to widen the hole.

"Dean" he moaned over and over again like a prayer. Dean answered pressing his mouth against his and holding him against his chest as he pushed his tongue into his mouth tasting salt and something fruity which made him moan in want sliding a second digit inside him.

Castiel wriggled moving into his fingers and letting out a heartfelt moan of loss when he removed them. Dean moved quickly sliding inside him in one quick slide, Castiel opened his mouth in a silent gasp feeling filled and his vision whiten for a moment when Dean hit the sweet spot inside him. Dean watched him sliding his hands down and gripping his wrists pinning them above his head as he thrusted inside him.

Downstairs Anna heard the noise and cringed rolling her eyes but felt a jealously inside her burn brighter than ever before. She grabbed her coat and slid out of the front door wondering how long it would last and would they ever get past their whole ordeal.

Castiel's fists tightened as he curled them together and moaned when Dean sucked on his neck leaving a large and red hickey on his neck as he thrusted deeper inside him. Castiel cried out feeling full and sparks of pleasure shooting up and down inside him as he banged his head against the headboard panting out Dean's name.

"Yes…god, yes, there" he moaned struggling against his wrists and breaking free gripping Dean's ass cheeks pulling him deeper inside him.

"Shit, Cas" Dean grunted fisting the pillow underneath him thrusting harder into him. Castiel stared up into his eyes rolling his hips feeling his sweet spot hit again and gritted his teeth against the scream threatening to come back.

"Don't hold back" Dean muttered breathlessly. "Let it rip, scream for me"

Dean purred the words into his ear hearing him whimper in response clawing at his back and gasping when Dean slammed into him hitting him into headboard again. Wrapping a hand around his cock in a tight fist, Dean knew the right pressure as he pumped him hard and fast and in time with his thrusts inside him.

Castiel felt his vision whiten again and his whole body spasm with the need to orgasm.

"Dean…" he called out and saw him nod.

"Come for me, baby" he whispered feeling it himself and the moment came when Castiel climaxed with a scream spurting white clumps of cum all over his chest and seconds later felt his own orgasm as he filled Castiel. Castiel panted out of breath and still seeing stars as he came down off his high and moaned when Dean moved to lie on his chest still inside him.

"Did you forget?"

Castiel remained silent apart from his breathing and squeezed his eyes shut feeling a burn of emotion when Dean moved up to him kissing his sweaty forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips tenderly. They spoke no words after that as Dean caressed him and kissed every inch of his skin while Castiel wept silently wondering if things could ever be okay for them, yes there was the sex, the connection, and some feelings but sometimes it just wasn't enough.

**A/N: Oh another cliffhanger. **

**I am sorry, angst sex, angst, angst, angst and oh angst again. I don't know if it will go up from here…it might go completely downhill or go up again. Who knows…?**

**Anyway! Enjoy and review please!**


	12. Chapter 12

Anna poked her head in the living room door to see Dean and Castiel cuddled up together fast asleep. She coughed loudly smacking the door hard and watching when they jumped awake startled.

"The hell?" Dean muttered turning towards the door and scowling at Anna who smirked at him. He looked down at Castiel lying on his chest now wide awake and silent tracing doodles on his arm.

"You okay?" he whispered cuddling him closer pressing his lips into his hair.

"Yes" he whispered back.

Anna coughed again and they both looked towards her as she stood in the doorway hands on her hips.

"Cute as you two are, I need your help"

"What's wrong, Anna?"

"Bela called me only minutes ago, she's coming to see me" she said dropping down on the single seat with a sigh. "I don't know what to do…she wants to talk, sort things out but how can I forgive her?"

Dean bit his lip glancing down to Castiel who was resting against his chest and exhaled deeply.

"Six years is a long time, Anna, you have history and you love her" Dean said running his fingers through the back of Castiel's hair absently. "I am more than sure you can begin to get past this or even start to"

"She cheated on me! She took our relationship and pulverised it between her fingertips!" she protested.

"Maybe she had a reason? A damn stupid one I agree but she could have been drunk, felt lonely…"

"Are you trying to tell me I wasn't good enough for her?"

"What? No! I…" he said trailing off when Castiel moved up looking at Anna silencing him.

"He isn't saying that, Anna, he's saying there might be a reason why Bela chose to sleep with another not because you are not good enough for her"

"I know, I'm sorry" she said rubbing a hand over her tired eyes. "I'm just scared, we haven't seen each other in weeks and I know she'll be hard to resist"

Dean smiled apologetically at her tightening his arms around Castiel who went silent resting against his chest once again. Anna rolled her eyes and they all jumped startled when the doorbell rang demanding.

"She's here" Anna whispered jumping up and peering out the window. "Fuck! She is here"

"Should we leave?" Dean said moving to get up off the couch only to be halted by Anna.

"No, you both stay here…I need witnesses for this" she ordered. Dean flinched back startled glancing to Castiel who smiled amused and shrugged at him.

"This should be interesting and you know curiosity will eat away at you" he whispered into his ear, Dean smirked and they looked towards the entrance for the drama to happen.

Anna opened the door and simply stared at the woman she loved.

"Bela"

"Must you greet me like that" she said brushing her way in and spinning to face her. "I am your partner"

"No, Bela, you are my ex-partner now since you cheated on me with that whore" Anna spat at her. Bela scoffed looking around and stopping confused staring at Dean and Castiel who waved sheepishly back.

"What are they doing here?"

"My guests in my home"

"Our home" she said cutting in and holding up a hand. "Don't you dare try and contradict me, I gave you this house yes but it's ours"

"What are you doing here, Bela?"

"I came to talk to you" she said dropping her bag on the floor. "In private"

"Why? Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of them, Bela, they know everything"

"Everything? Tell our business to everyone do you?"

"No, only my close friends…now what do you want?"

Bela pursued her lips turning her back on Dean and Castiel and facing her fully. Dean laughed silently into Cas' hair who shushed him equally amused.

"I want you back"

"You cheated"

"I was very drunk, she was pretty, and it just happened" she said with a shrug brushing back her blonde hair. Anna grimaced in disgust moving away from her and staring at the floor.

"You don't regret it do you?"

"Of course I do" she said astonished stepping towards her and grabbing her hand. "How could you think that?"

"Siobhan told me you went to Florida with her"

"Siobhan? Siobhan Matthews who likes you? Who wants to shag you?"

"Yes"

"She lied, Anna, I never went to Florida with her! I don't even know her name!"

"Of course you don't" Anna said brushing past her marching into the kitchen.

Bela glared at Dean and Castiel before following her in and shutting the door behind them.

"I love you"

"Bullshit" Anna shouted at her angrily looking away from her. "You cheated on me, you have kissed and been with another woman"

Bela bit her lip feeling a shadow of pain thump in heart and stepped forward peering into her eyes.

"I was away from home, we weren't talking, and I had a lot of alcohol…she came on to me and I let it happen" she whispered. "I regretted every second and I wish I could go back in time to that moment but I can't"

Anna clenched her teeth staring at the kitchen wall before exhaling her held in breath slowly and sneered at her.

"You were always a good liar"

"So are you, you act like you don't love me anymore but I know you, Anna, I know you better than anyone and I know you still love me"

"What if I do? Doesn't change the fact you're a cheating slut"

Bela reacted the only way she could think of and slapped her across the face.

"Don't forget that you also cheated once, Anna Milton"

"It was a kiss!" she protested clutching her cheek in horror backing away from her as Bela stalked on her.

"It may have been but it also cheating in a sense" Bela said smugly backing her against the kitchen counter. "I forgave you, so you should forgive me…I don't like grudges against me…let me win you back"

Anna sniffed swallowing hard and glaring at her. "How?"

Bela stepped back untying the belt of her coat and opening it up to reveal a lacy black corset, stockings, and killer black heels.

"Your favourite" she cooed with a smirk when Anna sighed longingly looking her up and down. "Let's make up the best way we can"

Back in the living room Dean and Castiel were quietly getting ready to go out while listening out for screaming and smashing plates.

"How much do you wager they'll have sex on the kitchen table?"

"All our spending money" Castiel replied grabbing his hand and tugging him with him towards the front door. Dean blinked and smiled at the forwardness of this little action and followed his step as they walked outside into the cool wintry day.

"So we are now in the middle of London and we have no idea where we are going" Castiel said as they walked down the street.

"Let's just get a taxi and go sight-seeing" Dean murmured with a shrug.

Castiel rolled his eyes but followed his lead as they hailed a taxi and stepped into London for sightseeing.

~0~

"Big Ben, what's so special about it?" Dean wondered as they looked up at the great clock tower.

"Maybe because it is right next to the palace" Castiel said with a shrug. "I hear it has a great history behind it"

Dean grunted twisting him around and leading him back down the street.

"Fancy going on that big wheel?" he said raising a daring eyebrow.

"What?" he murmured looking up at the London Eye which was over 130ft high and swallowed hard.

"Don't be afraid, I'll be with you" Dean said squeezing his hand and grinning like a big child as they walked to join the queue.

After paying the fee and getting into their own little capsule was the moment Castiel started panicking.

"What if it falls?"

"How in the world will it fall, Cas?"

"Wind or the fact that it doesn't look safe, Dean, I could die on here"

Dean laughed hard moving towards him and cupping the back of his neck resting his forehead against his.

"You are so adorable" he murmured when he moaned weakly closing his eyes. "Baby, you're not going to die on here. We have survived a truck smashing into us! This is nothing and we are perfectly safe, come sit down"

Castiel let himself be seated down as it the wheel started up. "I hate you for putting me on this"

Dean hummed rubbing between his shoulders amused as they went slowly up.

"Holy shit! Cas, come and see this view, I swear if you squint a little bit you can see America"

"You're lying and no" he said gripping the seat tight underneath his fists.

"Stop being such a baby, come here" Dean said shaking his head and looking out the window.

"Go to Hell"

Dean chuckled looking over his shoulder at him. "Will you come with me?"

"No"

"Harsh words" he whispered with a wink turning back towards the window. "Okay, I agree with you if it did break down or fall now…we would die"

"Dean!" Castiel shouted covering his eyes while Dean doubled over with laughter.

"I-I'm sorry" he said coming over to him wheezing for breath and watching as he moved away batting his hands and moving away in a mood.

"I was only joking, Cas, come on no moodiness please?"

"Go away"

"Where? We are 130ft in the air, Cas, can't actually step out or do you want that?"

"Right now, yes!" he snapped at him facing the window.

"That's mean"

"You deserve it"

"Evil" Dean hissed at him and smirked when he glared turning towards the window. Dean sighed folding his arms looking over his back and licking his bottom lip "But you know what, you are damn sexy when you're angry with me"

"You would think of sex when I'm angry with you"

"Who said anything about sex?" he teased biting down on his bottom lip.

"We are not having sex in here, Dean"

"Blow job?"

"No, Dean" he growled in a serious tone which made Dean sober up just a little bit.

"Hand job?" he said after a long minute of silence.

"Dean!"

"Alright! Sheesh, you are one moody little devil aren't you? Not living up to your name here, Cas"

"Shut up" he muttered glaring out of the window.

"Oh so commanding"

"Dean, I will throw you out of the window"

Dean rolled his eyes sitting down on the seat heavily. They sat in silence ignoring each other till their 30 minutes ended and walked off, Castiel storming ahead and shaking himself off like he was covered in dirt.

"Never, ever, ever, again" he warned stabbing a finger into his chest.

"Got it" he muttered pushing his hand away and walking down the embankment.

"Dean, don't walk away" he called hurrying after him.

"What? Want me now do you?"

"Are you in a mood with me now?"

Dean spun around so suddenly it made Castiel stumble and fall into his chest startled.

"Well since you wanted to throw me out of a window, yes!" he cried shoving him backwards.

Castiel gaped at him feeling a pain in his chest start to rise up inside him and he pressed his lips into a soft line feeling the need to apologise all of the sudden.

"I'm sorry, I was just scared"

Dean gave him an annoyed look and sighed breathing out a puff of white air gripping his wrist and sliding their fingers together.

"You are such a dick"

"I know, assbutt"

Dean's eyes widened and he pulled him into a sudden hard kiss. Castiel squeaked underneath his lips and opened his mouth allowing him entry as they kissed lazily in public.

"What was that for?" Castiel whispered breathlessly when Dean drew away from him leaning his forehead against his.

"That word" he murmured. "You always used to call me that"

"It just came to me"

"Want to go back to Anna's and have rough sex?"

"Okay" Castiel murmured amused linking their hands together and smiling when he tugged him to the nearest taxi rank.

~0~

They both arrived into the house entering slowly and carefully and heard nothing but soft music playing on the radio in the kitchen.

"Please don't be naked on the kitchen table" Dean murmured under his breath peering in and sighing in relief to see Anna standing near the sink washing the dishes.

"Hey" he called and she turned towards them with a small smile.

"Go sightseeing?"

"Yeah, if you want to call that…so what happened with Bela?"

"Nothing much, we talked" she said with a blush scratching her hair.

"You fucked didn't you?"

"Yes"

Castiel hid his smile against Dean's arm as Dean laughed openly.

"So where is she now?"

"Gone to work, she'll be back later" she muttered chewing on her nail and groaning loudly. "How could I let this happen? I hate her!"

"You don't, Anna" Castiel murmured when she kicked a cupboard door angrily.

"I fucking do!" she ranted marching out of the kitchen. "She can worm her way under my skin and I can't stand it! We just had sex on the kitchen floor, toys, dirty talk, the works!"

Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust hearing Castiel laugh next to him silently.

"Too much information, Anna, right…me and Cas are going upstairs to pack up because we have to go to Madrid tomorrow"

Anna sighed looking around to them both and looked at them both in turn apology shining in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, you guys"

"It's okay, Anna, you're not the only one trying to hold onto a relationship" Castiel said reassuringly gaining a sharp look from Dean.

"I'll leave you guys to pack and shit, we'll go out for dinner" she said with a nod when they took off upstairs and sighed flipping open her phone calling a friend.

"Clinging on to our relationship?"

"Well we aren't we?" he said shrugging off his jacket. "Last night summed that up, Dean"

"Please don't bring that up again, Cas"

Castiel sighed dropping down on the bed and stretching out on the bed in a comfortable position watching Dean storm around the bedroom throwing items of clothing in the suitcase brooding silently.

"Dean…"

"What?"

"Come here" he whispered softly holding out his hand towards him inviting. Dean held still dropping the t-shirt he was holding to the floor and moving off sliding onto the sheets and lying down next to him.

"I had a moment of madness yesterday, Dean, but we are clinging on to this relationship, we are looking for our second chance are we not?"

"Well yeah…"

"I'm trying my hardest here and I need you to know that"

"Cas, I do, I know okay and I know what happened last night" Dean murmured trailing his hand into his hair. "It just feels like we're taking one step forward and two steps back"

Castiel stared into the anguished and confused green eyes and sighed knowing the exact feeling.

"It can't get any worse can it?"

"I hope not" Dean breathed tracing his finger across Castiel's bottom lip and moving into to kiss him gently. "Let's just go to Madrid, have a good time, remember some memories hopefully and get on the right track, Cas, otherwise this something worse will be the evitable"

"What is that?" Castiel murmured worried.

"Us two going our separate ways, Cas, I'd have to let you go once and for all" Dean choked out and sighing out in relief when Castiel shook his head pulling him into a deeper kiss.

"That will not happen" he said his voice deeper and more serious.

"There he is" Dean murmured with a smile. "There's my fighter of a husband"

Castiel smiled softly feeling a gently flicker of hope spark to life in his chest and he burrowed into the crook of his neck. If this was Dean keeping on fighting and not letting go then it was about time the action was reciprocated by Castiel. Dean pressed his lips into his hair and let out a small smile at proving his family wrong, he was getting his Cas back. Wasn't he?

**A/N: Aha! I'm saying nothing.**

**Enjoy, review, you know the score!**


	13. Chapter 13

"I'm going to miss you two like crazy" Anna said bringing Castiel into a tight hug. Castiel squeezed her back resting his chin on her shoulder with a small smile.

"Thank you for bringing back some of my memories, Anna, thank you for all your advice" he said gently pulling back and kissing her cheek. She grinned at him for a moment looking over his shoulder to Dean who was dragging their suitcases out.

"So do you love him yet?"

"Doesn't that take time?"

"Sometimes, I hope you two work it out, Cas. I don't think there could be anything more heart-breaking than seeing you two split up" she said in a soft voice stroking his forearm and turning away moving towards Dean.

"Come here you" Anna said bringing Dean into a hug, he hugged her back surprised and glanced over to Castiel who was watching with a warm smile.

"Thanks for having us, Anna" he said letting go of her.

Anna brushed her hair back and straightened up. "Keep trying, Dean"

Dean didn't even have to ask and knew instantly what she was talking about. He glanced over to him again and gave a small sad smile for Anna.

"How can I possibly give him up?"

Anna snorted gently looking down at the cold pavement understanding perfectly. "Know the feeling"

Dean chuckled low beckoning to Castiel who came over and stood by his side.

"You call me when you land in Madrid"

"We will" Castiel promised getting into the taxi waiting patiently for them followed by Dean who winked at her. Anna waved them off as they headed off down the road to the airport and sighed folding her arms across her chest feeling what felt like a huge dread settle on her heart. Why it was there she did not know.

Castiel smiled when Dean intertwined their hands together resting them on his knee.

"So, do you remember anything else? I know I haven't been asking you these past few days but I was just curious"

"Not much, flickering of faces, touches, laughing, but nothing I can get a real grasp of" he said sadly running his thumb up and down Dean's thumb.

"Ah" Dean murmured looking out of the window to the streets outside passing by past they were just a blur.

"But I have some good memories back, Dean"

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

"No"

"The first time we kissed?"

"No, I…"

"Our first time? The first time we said "I love you"? Our wedding? The day we got Phoebe?"

"No" he whispered in a breathless pained voice squeezing onto Dean's hand hard.

"You don't remember stuff, Cas, you remember walks, Anna, the accident, but you don't remember the good stuff…you don't remember how our relationship started, how we fell for each other, nothing. It kills me" he said turning back to look at him. "I know I shouldn't have said that but…"

"No, no, I want to know how you're feeling and what you are thinking, Dean. I'm sorry, I am, I want to remember you know I do but it's hard because…"

"Cas, Cas, just stop" he said interrupting him and pressing his other free hand over his mouth. "I know this, I know this all, and I was a fool to bring it up because I don't want to think about that shit, not yet, not now, I want us to go to Spain and try and jog that brain of yours"

Castiel swallowed leaning into him and kissing him briefly tasting coffee and toast on his lips.

"I want us to have fun, make a few new memories while trying to drag the others up and out into the open" he said with a small sad smile.

Castiel nodded cupping his cheeks and kissing him again, Dean moaned edging his tongue into his mouth as they kissed for a long moment. Dean drew away stroking a thumb across his cheek bone and smiled.

"Okay?"

"Yes" Castiel murmured with a small sniff and a smile.

The taxi driver who was ignoring them made a swift right turn into the lane for the airport and Dean smirked at Castiel who blushed hard at their little public display of affection.

Dean paid the man who threw him a hard glare before speeding out of the drop off.

"Homophobic dick!" Dean yelled after the cab and turned to Castiel who was waiting for him with their bags.

"Are you always going to do that in airports? Is that your "thing" now?"

"Shut up" Dean said nudging him in the ribs as they made their way inside and went to find their terminal.

~0~

They were seated on their plane waiting for take-off when Castiel took Dean's hand and squeezed it tight in his.

"It's only two hours, Dean, tell me something"

"What?" Dean said confused squeezing his hand.

"Do you really know me inside and out?"

Dean stared at him and nodded slowly. "I think after six years if I didn't anything I wouldn't be a very good partner"

"Everything?" he said with a raised eyebrow hoping this would distract him.

"Yes, Cas, I know what makes you laugh, shout, smile, even cry" he said with an amused grin. "The crying one was a surprise"

**December 29th 2001**

"Cas?" he called walking into the house shaking off the snow on his boots followed by a miserable, shivering, Phoebe. "Baby, you here?"

Dean heard sniffing coming from the living room and walked into the living area to see Castiel wrapped up in a blanket watching a DVD he got from Dean.

"Cas?"

Castiel looked up to him with red teary eyes and let out a sob turning his eyes to the credits rolling on the screen.

"She died in his arms, Dean, they were singing and she died!" he sobbed into his hands while Dean stared at him for a moment stunned. He let out a chuckle coming over to him, pushing the blanket away and pulling him into his arms struggling with pent up laughter.

"You are the one who demanded this film" he said holding him close and picking up the DVD case. "Moulin Rouge"

"It's good" he mumbled into his shoulder.

Dean laughed stroking a hand into his hair and then sobered shushing him as tears leaked out of his eyes.

"Soppy, girly, movies make you cry" Dean said with a nod and smirking when Castiel hit him frustrated.

"It's a sad movie"

"They sing, they dance, it's about…love" he said studying the case. "When did I marry, Castiella?"

"Fuck you" he muttered attempting to push him away.

"No, we'll leave that for tonight" he said bringing him back into his arms kissing his temple. "I'm sorry; I know you cry at films like these..."

Castiel sniffed with a pout resting on Dean's shoulder as he struggled with laughter.

"Stop laughing! They were in love, they were about to get their happy ending and then she died…in his arms, everyone was watching while the crowd cheered and it…" he said trailing off as he covered his face.

Dean closed his eyes shaking with silent laughter and let it out with a puff turning off the television. Castiel struggled away from him when he cuddled him closer but gave in when Dean restrained giving him up.

"Don't ever die" Castiel whispered into the crook of his neck.

"We'll die one day but just for you, I'll try" Dean replied amused.

"Don't die in my arms either…because I don't think I could cope, Dean"

"I promise, Cas" he said stroking his thumbs underneath his eyes and smiling. "Want to watch one of my films?"

"Cowboy movies?" he said with a frown.

"There is nothing wrong with my cowboy movies!" Dean protested pointing a finger at him. "But if you're good, I'll let you ride _me _like a cowboy"

Castiel sniffed eyeing him up and down before grinning pressing his lips to his in a sweet kiss.

"Deal, cowboy" he murmured.

Dean grinned kissing him back before jumping up and heading towards the DVD cabinet still feeling that Christmas cheer.

~0~

Dean pulled out of the memory feeling an aching longing in his heart when he turned towards the very same person who was holding a confused expression on his face. Dean wasn't lying when he mentioned it was killing him because it was, the more he didn't remember the more it hurt.

"Even all my secrets?"

"I don't know that, we all have our secrets, and maybe you did but I'm guessing they're nothing serious" he murmured feeling a jolt in his stomach as they took off and held onto Castiel tight.

"Just breathe" Castiel said in a soothing voice.

"I feel like I'm in labour or something" Dean growled turning his face towards Castiel eyes still squeezed shut. Castiel shortened the distance kissing him gently and continuing to kiss him as they rose into the air and settled at 30, 000ft.

Dean exhaled when Castiel pulled away and smiled at him.

"Any better?"

"No" he said in a low voice gripping the seat and shaking his hair feeling tremors of fear run and down his spine. Castiel reached over pulling out his Walkman and pressing the ear phones into his ear turning up the music for him. Dean relaxed when the familiar song from Metallica played into his ears.

"Thanks, Cas"

Castiel simply smiled grabbing a book and opened it up to read while Dean watched him with a warm glow on top of his pain in his heart. He loved him more than he could possibly imagine. Dean never imagined in a billion years in high school he would be married to a guy, he had always imagined the sweet apple pie life with a wife, two kids, and a house on the suburbs. To be married to a man like Castiel was simply mind blowing, when he first realised he wanted him, he slept with him, and the moment he realised he was in love him was also that very rare moment when he knew he couldn't be parted from him.

Their lives weren't simple, their marriage troubling but strong, and the love he felt for Castiel was like a glass of cold water after being parched for so long, like stepping into the ocean and gasping at the coldness wanting to get out but finding yourself wading in further into the sea ignoring the pain and focusing on the good part. Dean knew he would always love him no matter what happened and with their biggest challenge still under way and losing inch by inch he knew that if the worst was to happen, Dean would never marry or love again.

Touchdown came quicker than Dean expected as the pilot told them to fasten their seat belts and they were landing now. They stepped out and Dean gasped at the humidity, Castiel joining him as he gasped at the heat.

"You could have warned me"

"Spain is hot" Dean said with a shrug as they walked towards the airport for their bags and to get a taxi to their hotel.

"Is Sam okay with minding Phoebe?"

"He had to return to Stanford for a few days so Phoebe is with Ellen" he said with a small smile when they picked up their suitcases.

Castiel nodded following after him and looking around at the dozens of people rushing around, people from different countries, shouting in Spanish, English, and other languages he couldn't decipher. There was a fine buzz of excitement and adrenaline in the air as people busied themselves finding the right flight, getting off, finding a taxi and greeting loved ones. It made Castiel tingle and he hurried forward catching up to Dean as they went outside into the warm heat where Dean suddenly greeted a very tanned man in Spanish.

Castiel stared at him in awe as he spoke so fluently and before he knew it they were inside a sweaty cab heading to the hotel.

"You know Spanish?"

"Well in school I learnt bits and pieces but it was only after our engagement I really started to learn it because I hoped we would return" he said with a smug smile. "I was right"

Castiel raised an eyebrow at him in surprised awe but let it slide as he sat back into the seat looking out the passenger window to the sights outside.

"It's beautiful"

Dean hummed in approval also looking out the window. "We haven't been here in three years and it just hasn't changed"

"Really?"

"No, I can't remember the finer details but you get what I mean" he said with a low chuckle. Castiel rolled his eyes at him and moved to settle into his arms and Dean smiled into his hair pressing a small kiss into it and holding him against his chest.

They arrived at the hotel and Dean couldn't help but watch Castiel's every reaction as he looked up at the 4 star hotel shocked.

"We stayed here?"

"Yep, this is our hotel" he said holding out his hand towards him and grinning when he took it.

"Room 702" Dean said after they finished signing in and paying the fee.

"Of course" a man said cheerfully picking up their suitcases and leading them. Dean looked back to Castiel who snorted amused clinging to Dean's hand as they stood in the lift.

"Do you remember anything?" Dean said looking over to Castiel who smiled secretly and didn't say anything but simply look at him. Dean's brow furrowed and he looked away feeling confused and a little bit excited.

They entered the room, Castiel leaving Dean to tip the man as he walked outside onto the balcony staring at the view. It stretched on for miles and miles and he smiled peering over to see cars and people walk on by.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Any recognition?" he said sitting on the bed and kicking back. Castiel turned slowly eyeing him up stretched out on the white bed and bit his bottom lip.

"I think we should christen that bed" he murmured walking over to him quickly and straddling his hips. Dean's closed eyes opened in a flash startled and he grinned pushing his hands underneath his t-shirt gripping the warm skin of his hip bones digging in his nails.

"I think that is an excellent idea" he murmured when Castiel kissed him hard and demanding before pulling away and stepping off.

"Strip" he ordered with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Dean gaped at him but obeyed as he slid off the bed rising up staring into his eyes as he shred unwanted clothing off till he was stood in front of him naked holding a raging erection. Castiel drew his teeth across his bottom lip at how gorgeous he actually was, he stepped forward stroking his hands and nails down the soft skin of his chest and looked up into the lust filled green eyes with a hint of a smile.

"Lie down and spread your legs" he purred gently watching Dean quake and moan under his breath as he obeyed lying on the soft sheet spreading his legs.

"You whore" Castiel said as he quickly undressed kicking off jeans, t-shirt and socks till he was fully naked and knelt between Dean's spread legs. He watched the rise and fall of a panting Dean who reached down to his erect cock but was rejected when Castiel slapped his hand away.

"No touching yourself" he murmured looking around and pulling open a drawer of the nightstand, Castiel gasped pulling out a pair of handcuffs clearly left behind by a couple and grinned at Dean.

"Cas, you dare…" Dean started and was silenced when Castiel invaded his mouth pinning Dean's arms above his head and padlocking him to the iron rails. Dean gasped pulling away rattling his hands against the black metal staring up at Castiel moaning. He bucked his hips when Castiel slid his hands between his thighs moving them underneath and squeezing his ass cheeks.

"You call me the slut but look at you" Castiel said looking him up and down. "Spreading _your _legs like a slut for me…do you want me, Dean?"

"Yes, get inside me" he panted out pulling against the metal of his handcuffs.

Castiel hummed in approval dragging his lips down the side of his jaw feeling the grains of his stubble against his tongue tasting the musky scent that was Dean. Dean moaned ardently again and again as Castiel drew his mouth and tongue down to his collarbone sucking and teasing the skin of his clavicle.

"Cas!" Dean whined rolling his hips and rubbing pre-ejaculation onto Cas' legs as he sought out friction.

"Patience" Castiel murmured peppering kisses down his chest and latching his mouth onto the rosy pink of his nipple teasing it with his teeth as he bucked and writhed against him.

Nervous wasn't the word for how Castiel was feeling right now but with the memory of their engagement hitting him hard and fast it had shaken him. He wanted to do this, to touch him, to feel him calling out his name and he knew it was the right thing to do.

Dean groaned breathlessly feeling the metal of the handcuffs digging into his skin as he watched Castiel nuzzle and lick his groin taking the head into his mouth sucking it gently like a lollipop.

"Oh shit" Dean moaned arching his back like a bow off the bed feeling the hot wet warmth of his mouth surround his cock as he sucked and licked a stripe down his throbbing cock.

"Yes, Cas…more, baby, yes" he said rambling words as his eyes blurred, his balls and insides tightened with the need to climax and cum down that throat. Castiel squeezed and rolled his balls in his hand as he sucked and pressed his tongue on the underside of his cock. Dean rolled his hips fucking into his mouth making Castiel groan around him; the vibrations were the trigger as Dean felt his orgasm wash over him as he screamed out Castiel's name.

Castiel milked him dry till Dean was spent breathing heavily against the cushion, eyes hooded watching him carefully.

"I want you inside me" Dean demanded lifting his head.

"So demanding" Castiel cooed leaning up and kissing him teasingly, Dean groaned tasting his cum on his lips and tongue and edged his tongue into his mouth sucking on his tongue.

Castiel moved to the drawer peering in and pulling out a strawberry flavoured lube.

"Oh" Dean said with a raised eyebrow watching Castiel squirt some onto his fingers and push one inside the entrance of his ass. Dean cried out feeling the burn and panted wantonly for more, Castiel crooked his finger widening the hole to slide a second finger in and grinned when Dean shivered arching back his head exposing his neck.

"Cas…" he breathed when he slid three fingers inside him scissoring and fucking him slowly and smiling into inner thigh when he practically let out a sob.

"Cas!"

Castiel lubed up his cock gently before gripping his hips and pushing the head deep inside the hot, tight, heat of his hole. Dean let out a keening cry when he pushed deeper inside him till he was balls deep and Castiel let out a low moan.

"Move, Cas" he hissed out between clenched teeth and groaned when Castiel slid out and thrusted inside him. Dean wrapped his legs around his waist rocking with him as they kissed passionately. Castiel nipped at his bottom lip catching the moan from Dean into his mouth and smiling when Dean struggled against the restraints wanting to touch and hold him.

"Slut" Castiel cooed at him seeing how the word drove him wild and he nodded frantically rocking against him for friction, Castiel thrusted deeper and harder inside him dragging his nails down his chest.

Castiel's thumb caught his nipple causing Dean to scream and arch against him. Dean's cock hardened again bouncing between their stomachs. Castiel wrapped a warm hand around it pumping him hard looking down at him to see he was completely wrecked. Sweat covered their bodies as they slid together, the metal and the iron rails of the headboard banging against the wall and the smell of sweat and sex coating the air.

With a cry, Dean climaxed again splattering cum onto both of their chests quickly followed by Castiel who inhaled the sharp smell and stilled inside Dean spurting warm cum inside him. Dean groaned lightly feeling the warmth spread down below and catching him when Castiel slumped onto his chest breathing hard.

"Oh god, I love you" Dean moaned feeling the pain from his handcuffs and jingling them. "But can you let me go?"

Castiel nodded pushing up onto heavy arms and grabbing the little keys and unlocking them. Dean rubbed them soothing the pain and drove them into the damp hair and down his body cupping his ass gently. Castiel moaned drawing out him flopping down on to the bed and smiling when Dean rolled onto his side bringing him to his chest cuddling him close.

"Sleep and then out?"

"Yes" Castiel whispered pressing his lips to his chest in a brief but tender kiss.

~0~

After ordering room service and consuming a whole bottle of Spanish wine, Dean and Castiel stepped out on to the streets of Madrid feeling tipsy.

"You are so beautiful" Dean crooned into his ear circling his arms around his shoulders.

Castiel chuckled ignoring people's stares and stopped looking across the road to the Spanish music and people dancing.

"Was that here when we were here?" he said confused looking up to Dean.

"No, it's new but if it was I would have shown you my moves" he said with a smirk watching the people dance.

"You don't have moves" Castiel replied with a scoff.

"I can dance!" Dean protested grabbing his hand and pulling him into the position. Castiel let out a gasp when he grabbed his hand to lead and danced them in a small circle in the middle of the street.

"Dean, no, Dean, we can't" Castiel cried out and chuckling when he spun him out and back in again into his chest circling his waist.

"Oh but we can! It's Madrid, Cas, I don't care" he said abruptly spinning him out again and back towards him before dipping him low. Castiel stared up at him dazed for a long moment before laughing up at him and gripping his shoulder. The sound made Dean's heart ache and his stomach flip in joy when he brought him up laughing also.

Castiel circled his arms around his neck and laughed when they swayed. Whistles and cheers startled them and they turned to see people watching them from across the street.

"Oh we have fans!" Dean murmured against his cheek pulling him into a kiss.

"I feel dizzy…and happy" Castiel murmured tasting the berry of the wine on Dean's lips. Dean hummed in approval nuzzling his neck before a thought occurred to him.

"Beach!" Dean said suddenly startling Castiel who stumbled after him. Dean helped him down the stairs to the beach and Dean grinned facing him.

"Do you remember?" he said still not getting the answer. Castiel walked forward staring up at the sky to the crescent moon hanging in the sky and turned towards Dean.

"I remember, I remembered the moment we walked into the hotel room" Castiel said watching as Dean walked towards him standing in front of him. "You proposed here on this beach and we were soaking wet, I called you an assbutt after you proposed to me"

Dean laughed loudly looking up at the sky before pulling him into a bone crushing kiss and kicking under his feet by accident so they landed in a heap on the wet sand.

"Shit" Dean said with a wince when Castiel elbowed his ribs. Castiel didn't mind as he looked up at the sky and smiled gently.

"I feel happy for the first time since I woke up in that hospital"

"Is that because of me or Madrid?"

Castiel shrugged at him. "Does it really matter? It's all of it! I fucking remember"

Dean broke out in a grin straddling his hips. "Two days here and then we go back, we celebrate Sam's early birthday and then we rearrange our whole lives! Sound good?"

Castiel hummed and nodded slowly gripping the top of his jacket.

"Yes"

Dean pushed him back into the sand kissing him hard raking his hands into the soft fluffy black hair feeling happy himself as he kissed him. Nothing could ruin this moment for him but a lingering edge of doubt crept into his subconscious lingering there and waiting. They had been through enough but fate is always a cruel, cold, bitch.

**A/N: Here you go! No angst at all…well apart from at the end. **

**Feedback please!**

**The Moulin Rouge bit had to be done, I watched it myself and I sobbed like a little baby. So I hope no one objects to it!**


	14. Chapter 14

A rapping on the front door startled Ellen out of her daydream as she shook her head and opened the door to be greeted by Sam.

"Hey, are they here yet?"

"No, Dean called and told me they were coming straight here to pick up Phoebe" she said shutting the door behind him. Sam grins when Phoebe bounds over jumping up on to his thighs panting heavily in delight when he scratched behind her ears.

"How do you think their doing?"

"No idea, but Dean sounded happy and that's what we want right?"

"Of course" Sam said with a nod following her lead as they walked into the little kitchen. "I want Dean to be happy and I know he loves Cas, he loves him more than anything…I sometimes think even more than me"

"Impossible" Ellen said with a scoff. "He loves you the both the same in completely different ways"

Sam smirked and nodded looking down to Phoebe who was now distracted with a ball on the floor.

"I want him to be happy and I know he is happy with Cas" he said with a nod looking up to Ellen who was frowning at him.

"This memory thing has really affected you hasn't it?"

"I know it's hurting, Dean"

"He's a big boy, Sam, he knows what he's doing and all he needs is his family's support which we will give him no matter what, Cas too"

"I know" he said with a deep sigh. "I've been talking to Gabe a lot"

Ellen raised an eyebrow leaning against the cabinet door and folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh really?"

"It's not like that" he said with heat rising up of over his cheeks in a blush. "He just wants to know if Cas is okay"

"Anything else?"

"Shut up" he mumbled walking away while Ellen laughed quietly to herself shaking her head.

"I can read all you boys like a book!" she said turning the tap on to wash the dishes.

It hit 1pm when their heads turned towards a car coming into the drive, Sam, Ellen, and Bobby darted to the window looking out and watching as Dean got out mid conversation with Castiel. Sam noticed the happiness shining out of Dean's eyes and smiled gently.

"He sneezed all over me! What if I get a cold, Dean?" Castiel said in disgust as they walked up to the little house.

"Oh stop being so dramatic!" Dean replied shoving him gently.

"Just you wait" Castiel warned reflecting his smile when he grinned at him. Dean bounded on the door and jumped back surprised when it was opened immediately. Dean stared at the faces of his family in surprise before a very, very, excited Phoebe barked rushing forward.

Dean and Castiel grinned at her as she tackled them whimpering and barking eager to be petted and loved by them.

"We missed you" Castiel said dropping down to his knees and letting her jump on his thighs licking his cheek.

"Hey, you" Ellen said stepping forward hugging him tight and letting him go. "I see Spain treated you to a nice tan"

Dean laughed for a moment staring down at his arms and nodded patting his hand on Bobby's shoulder before pulling Sam into a hug.

"How you been?"

"Good, what about you…and Cas?" he said looking over to him as Castiel stood up and stepped over to join the conversation.

"We're…good" Dean said glancing over to Castiel who smiled shyly. "He remembers a lot, he remembers our engagement"

"Really? That's amazing" Sam said astounded.

"I'll make you boys some coffee" Ellen said tugging a reluctant Bobby with her.

"God sake woman" Bobby growled making the three of them laugh gently.

"Dean, I feel funny" Castiel said turning towards him with a frown. Dean rolled his eyes pressing a hand to his forehead and cupping the back of his neck.

"You are a little warm" he murmured concerned. "Maybe some sleep will help, we have just been on a plane"

Castiel grunted looking down at Phoebe who stared up at him like he was the best thing in the whole entire world. Sam shook his head with a smile at the sight.

"You two coming to my stupidly early "birthday" party?"

"Dude, you won't be here for it in the next few weeks so we are celebrating it whether it's your birthday or not"

"It's in May!"

Dean pointed a finger at him in warning. "No "buts", no protesting, no nothing, Sammy"

"Fine" Sam said retreating to the kitchen.

Dean smiled at his back turning to Castiel who was preoccupied with the dog.

"Come on then" Dean said nudging his leg as they joined the rest of the family for lunch and coffee.

After spending two hour with the family, Dean eventually got his family home and sent a miserable Castiel to bed.

"I feel like shit! That man, Dean, he gave me a disease" Castiel said as he climbed the stairs.

"Go to bed, baby, go to sleep and you'll wake up feeling a lot better" Dean reassured stroking his back. Castiel whimpered climbing the rest of the stairs till he got into their bedroom and fell onto the soft but kinda dusty covers groaning. He kicked off his shoes and jeans and slid under the covers with a sigh.

Dean came upstairs and watched him from the hallway as he stretched out like a cat in the bed before rolling over with a sleepy sigh. He smiled looking down at Phoebe who was now following him everywhere.

"Food?" he whispered and smiled when she barked and ran back down the stairs. Dean closed the bedroom door over and followed her. He cooked up some bacon and pressed the button for the messages on their phone.

"_Mr Winchester, it's Annie, we were just wondering how Castiel is doing? If you could give us a call back that would be great"_

"_Car insurance? Hello…oh shit…"_

"_Dean-o! Give me a call when you get back please, you have stolen my little brother away with severe memory loss. We need words"_

Dean rolled his eyes when the message ended and bit into his bacon knowing they would have to tackle Gabriel and Balthazar next. He sighed glancing over to the clock to see it was nearly 4.15pm and decided to call them tomorrow when Castiel was feeling better. He kicked back, Phoebe resting on his legs, and put on an old cowboy movie with Clint Eastwood in that brightened up his mood considerably.

He dozed on and off and was only made alert when he heard a thump and looked towards the stairs to see Castiel coming down them wrapped in a blanket.

"Cas, what are you doing? Go back to sleep?"

"No, I can't" he mumbled walking over to him and dropping down on to the side of him. Dean edged up staring at him as he draped the blanket over them snuggling into his chest. Dean frowned worried seeing the sweat on his forehead.

"Cas, what are you feeling?"

"I'm so hot but feel so cold, I ache all over, my throat kills and I don't know what to do" he whined seeking comfort from him.

"Flu" Dean said biting his lip and bending down to kiss his temple when he whimpered wrapping his fists into his t-shirt shivering. "Aww baby"

"Make it go away, I think I'm dying" he said looking up at him with wide blue eyes. "What if he gave me some horrible…tropical disease…Dean, I could be dying!"

Dean chuckled into his hand looking down at him fondly and appalled.

"Now I know why women tell us that men are so dramatic when they're ill! You are not dying, Cas, you are full of flu from an old guy who looked rather sick as well"

"I'm dying" he mumbled into his shirt. "It feels like it"

Dean rolled his eyes and struggled up kicking gently at Phoebe who jumped off padding away to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go the store, pick up a few things for you, you'll be fine" he said pulling on his jacket. "Try and get some more sleep and conserve body heat, it'll help to sweat it out of you"

Castiel grimaced settling into one of the cushions and looking up at him with wide puppy eyes. "Don't leave me"

Dean closed his eyes chuckling softly and bent down kissing his sweaty forehead. "I'll be twenty minutes tops, you silly man. I love you"

Castiel hummed burying his face into the cushion and sighing deeply. Dean knew it shouldn't let him bother him that Castiel had not once since the crash said it back to him, he knew things were getting back on track, old memories resurfacing, the same Castiel laughing, joking, smiling, and being with him the same way but Dean was still in doubt over how he really felt about him.

Pushing the feeling aside he grabbed the keys off the side and set out into the cold to pick up some medicine for him. His thoughts rushed away with him when he walked outside the local picking up different packets of pills and sachets of medicine for him and wondering what their future would look like.

Dean secretly would love a little family, a little girl or boy to look after, watch them grow, become a father with him and have everything perfect for once. Everyone deserved to be loved, have a family, and have a nice life and that's what Dean wanted but whether Castiel did was a whole other story. He nibbled on his lip on the drive home wondering if they could ever get that far. They weren't getting any younger but with Castiel still struggling to get to grips with this whole new life, he wondered if the subject was way off the mark.

Dean knew if he didn't get his dream he could live perfectly without it. All he wanted was Castiel and that would do him fine.

Dean opened the front door and walked into see Castiel tossing and turning on the couch moaning pathetically.

"Cas?"

"Dean" he said holding out his arms to him. Dean smiled at him closing the door and wandering over to him with the brown bag in his hand and dropped down to his knees hugging him close.

"You are always an adorable wimp when you're ill" Dean murmured into the crook of his neck. "You are always so cuddly, so demanding, a pathetic wimp but it's adorable"

"Fuck off" Castiel muttered into his ear and gripping him tighter when Dean chuckled.

"Here" Dean said opening the bag pulling out some pain relief tablets for his pain. "This should help you"

Castiel nodded once watching him walk to the kitchen and coming back with some water and handing them over. He eyed the purple ones but took two and fell back on the cushion hoping they worked fast, Castiel turned his head holding out his arms again like a little child till Dean rolled his eyes kicking off his shoes and climbing in next to him.

"We're watching movies all day though" Dean said turning onto the movie channel and smiling softly when Castiel grunted moving into the crook of his neck.

~0~

It passed three hours and Castiel was still snoring softly into the crease of his neck tickling the skin. He rubbed a hand up and down his back before shifting in desperate need to piss and eat; he eased up and was relieved when Castiel continued sleeping. He eyed him up and raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, those pills really have done wonders"

Phoebe whined nosing her balls towards him and sitting back waiting for him to play with her.

"No, Castiel is asleep" he said ignoring it and jumping when she barked angrily.

"No! Bad girl!" he hissed patting her nose looking over to Castiel who didn't even stir. Phoebe whined confused walking backwards from him till he feels an overwhelming feeling of guilt and grabs a treat holding it out to her. Phoebe sniffs the air and walked towards him nervously till she sits in front of him and bites it out of his hand. Dean strokes the top of her head and ears gently.

"I'm sorry…such a good girl" he murmured and smirked amused when she licked his chin before stalking off back to her bed. He sighed standing up and looking over to Castiel who was dead to the world snoring into his cushion, it concerned him a little that no sudden noise jolted him awake but sleep would help a lot. It passed four hours and heading into 9pm when Dean grew more than worried and knelt down shaking Castiel's shoulders.

"Cas? Cas!" he said and drew his hands away when he moaned rolling over to face him with squinty eyes.

"What?" he said in a rough voice startled.

"You've been asleep for hours, man, you scared me a little"

"I thought sleep was good?" he mumbled confused closing his eyes.

"Not when you are conked out snoring to the high heavens and not one sound can wake you up" Dean replied trailing his hands into the tousled black hair.

Castiel snorted at him snuggling into the warm cushion dropping back off to sleep. Dean rolled his eyes standing back up and reaching for the phone dialling Gabriel's number.

"Dean-o!" he cried down the phone to him. "Please tell me my baby bro is still alive"

"Yes, he's on the couch full of flu at the moment"

"What? Why? Did you get any memories back? Why are you only calling me now?"

"Chill, Gabe, I've been preoccupied with him and an old guy sneezed all over him affecting him with flu, yes he does have some memories back, he remembers Anna and our engagement"

"Brilliant! Balthazar…for fuck sake…Balthazar! Get your mind out of your dick and come here!" he hollered on the other end causing Dean to hold the phone away stifling laughter. "Sorry, fucking dickhead he is, yes you are, you fucking are, listen to me! Castiel is full of flu at the moment but he has some memories back"

"Good news, tell him we'll be around tomorrow" Balthazar said flipping the finger at Gabriel who slammed the door in his face.

"I swear I will kill him" Gabriel hissed down the phone.

"Try not to for Cas' sake please?"

"He's on very, very, thin ice" Gabriel warned him. "But he is right; we are coming up tomorrow morning to see him so be prepared"

"Awesome" Dean murmured with a tiring sigh.

"Talk to you later, Dean-o" he called and Dean heard the click and dial-tone. He put it down and sighed hoping Castiel was feeling better for Sam's birthday, people from Stanford and friends he hadn't seen in years were coming down for this and he wanted to show he still had a firm grip on his relationship.

Dean dropped down on the couch and shook him gently again.

"Come on, Cas, you'll get a kink in your neck like this" he said soothingly when he opened his eyes again with a moan. "Come upstairs to bed"

"I don't want to" he moaned turning away from him.

"Well I am" he said moving to get up and freezing when Castiel latched on to his wrist.

"No…please…stay and hold me" he whined gripping it tight. "I feel like death still"

Dean sighed casting an eye down the long couch and gave in switching the television off and stripping off his clothing till he was in nothing but his t-shirt and boxers.

"Fine, one night" he said drawing the curtains and sliding in next to him pulling him into the warmth of his arms. Castiel mewled like a little kitten curling into his warmth resting his head on his chest listening to the erratic thump of his heart feeling a little better. Dean held him close nosing into his hair and breathing in that warm fruity smell he just adored, it was all Castiel. The fact it rarely changed was a given and it always calmed him right down, made him feel like home and he wouldn't change it for the world.

Castiel moaned looking up and catching his lips kissing him softly.

"You make me ill…I'll make you pay" Dean murmured against his lips but kissed him again.

"Okay" he said holding still when he peppered small soft kisses on his forehead, cheeks, nose, mouth and eyes.

Dean chuckled softly against his temple feeling elated at the fact he had been laughing a lot lately.

"Don't ever change, Cas" he whispered.

Castiel didn't reply but simply rubbed his cheek against his t-shirt seeking warmth and comfort as he lulled himself to sleep.

In that moment everything was perfect so how could you possibly know that in 28 hours' time your whole world was about to be rocked and tore apart with one simple decision.

**A/N: Hmm! Feedback please!**

**Because I am so nice! I'll let you have a sneak peak for next chapter…**

**Preview:**

Dean's lips pressed against Castiel's in a tender kiss, he could taste the saltiness of both of their tears as he drew away feeling a sob break out in his chest. "I'm sorry" he whispered. "I'm so sorry".


	15. Chapter 15

A loud knocking woke the both of them up and Castiel sat up startled and confused.

"What-what's going on?" he murmured looking around the living room in a daze.

"Gabriel and Balthazar" Dean muttered back sitting up with a groan feeling his neck and back protesting from sleeping awkwardly all night.

"I'll go get dressed" Castiel said walking upstairs feeling and looking like death, Dean grimaced in sympathy and pulled open the door glaring at his brother-in-law's.

"He's sick and you are here at…9am? Dude, what the hell?" he said glaring at them as they barged in.

"I have to be on a plane at 11" Balthazar said with a sneer.

Dean gave him the finger and slammed the door shut looking over to Phoebe who whined softly confused.

"He's getting dressed, coffee?"

"Yeah" Gabriel said following him into the kitchen. "So is he truly okay? I have been speaking to Sam a lot lately but…he hasn't been that helpful on that area"

"But other areas, yes" Balthazar commented with a snort.

Dean looked between them startled and back to Gabriel who was giving Balthazar the biggest dirty look ever.

"You want me to shut that mouth for you? Because I fucking will, I am in no mood for your bullshit, Balthazar" he hissed at him.

"Touchy" Balthazar replied with a smirk sitting down at the table.

"He's doing alright, I guess, well enough considering every memory was wiped clean" Dean said looking towards the stairs for any signal he was coming back down. "Have you seriously been talking to Sam?"

"Yes? He's like…family"

Balthazar laughed out loud and startled the both of them.

"No, no, please continue" he said waving his hand at them eyes wild with amusement. Gabriel glared at him before turning back to Dean.

"I like Sam, he's a good friend, nice to talk to, and yeah…"

"You flirt with anything don't you?" he replied back astonished

"Me?"

"Certainly not you" Castiel said as he came down and into the kitchen looking pale but reasonably okay.

"Whoa, you look like shit" Gabriel said looking over to him eyeing him up and down.

"Thank you, Gabriel" he said sarcastically sitting down in front of Balthazar who smiled at him.

"So how was England and Madrid?"

"Beautiful, we had an amazing time and it was good" he said looking over to Dean for confirmation. Dean smiled at him before turning away and stirring in the milk.

Dean left them to it and wandered into the living room with Phoebe sniffing up at him for his breakfast.

"Greedy little cow" he murmured tearing some off and feeding it to her. "You are going to get big and fat, that means no walks, no nothing"

She tilted her head at him in a way that reminded him of Castiel, it always made him smile.

"Good girl" he whispered rubbing her neck and kicking back switching on the television.

"So, how are you really feeling?" Balthazar said with a raised eyebrow. Castiel looked over to them and frowned at the way they had crowded him in for a through investigating.

"I am feeling achy, tired, and a little suspicious of the pair of you…why are you interrogating me?"

"Because you are our little brother and we want to know if you are truly happy"

"I'm trying" he snapped at them. "It's difficult for me, like it would be for anyone else. Dean loves me and I respect that"

"You…you respect that?" Gabriel said astonished. "Don't you love him back?"

"I don't know what love is" he murmured looking down at his hands not seeing the exchange given between his brothers.

"It's an emotion, that emotion where you want to keep that person in your life forever, kiss them, hold them, want to wake up each morning and turn over to see their face and know it's perfect while also feeling a whole load of pain, misery, and hate" Balthazar said with a shrug. Gabriel turned his head slowly to look at him completely baffled.

"Who was the last person you loved?"

"Never you mind…but she was Spanish" he said sheepishly.

"Please ignore him" Gabriel said astonished and turned back to Castiel. "Listen, okay, you need to really think about this because it's okay saying, "you are trying", "he loves me" because that's not a marriage, Cas, you have both been through a lot of shit now and you can't keep clinging on to something that will eventually fail"

Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat still staring down at his hands as Gabriel's word pounded down on him.

"Do you think you could ever love him again? Taking what Balthazar has said, can you wake up to Dean every day for the rest of your life knowing he is the one, he's the love of your life, and you're gonna grow old together?"

"I-I don't know" he said breathless staring at the both of them with wide blue eyes now full of fear. "I don't know if I ever can…why would you bring this up?"

"Because you can't bury your head in the sand, Cassy" Balthazar whispered.

Castiel's breathing quickened and he shoved his face into his hands.

"I need you to leave" he whispered looking up to them both. "Go, now"

"Castiel…" Gabriel started to say but was interrupted when Castiel held up a hand.

"Get out of my house, family or not, I will chuck you out" he hissed at them anger now entering his eyes and facial expression. Gabriel sighed pushing out and glancing to Balthazar who followed.

"Okay, we better be going"

Dean looked up at them startled looking over to the clock. "You've been here half an hour"

"I have to pack, Gabriel needs to work" Balthazar lied with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'll call you, Cassy"

Castiel nodded folding over his arms staring at the both of them with a stony expression. Dean shown them out and waved them off confused before turning back around to Castiel, Castiel shrugged at him.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Castiel nodded slowly moving towards him and wrapping his arms around his neck in a tight hug. Dean's brow furrowed as he wrapped his own arms around him holding him against his chest but choosing not to question it.

Castiel gently lay his head on his shoulder nibbling down on his bottom lip feeling his gut churning at Gabriel's words but maybe burying his head in the sand was for the best? He couldn't break Dean's heart, not now.

They spent the rest of their day cuddled up on the couch, Dean distracting Castiel from his thoughts as they watched old movies till it reached 7pm and they needed to get ready.

"Oh" he said with a pout when Dean got up off the couch.

"Come on, stop being a lazy ass and get dressed" he said shoving his head gently. "This is my brothers very early birthday party, but it's really a leaving party for him, he has friends coming down and I'll be there so don't worry"

Castiel nodded still feeling the churn in his stomach and followed after him as they climbed the stairs.

"I understand that but I have a bad feeling, Dean…"

"A bad feeling about what?"

"I don't know" he said fidgeting nervously eyes following Dean as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

"Well quit it and get dressed" he said looking in the mirror. Castiel sighed opening the wardrobe obeying and getting dressed quickly. 40 minutes later they were dressed, Phoebe settled down for a night on her own and all ready to go.

"Are you sure you're okay, Cas, you've been acting kinda off all day?"

"I'm fine, Dean, for the last time" he snapped pulling on the jacket; Dean had bought him before the crash. Dean noticed and swallowed hard kissing his forehead gently not saying a word as they walked to the car heading off to Bobby's. Dean was extra cautious now and the drive there was slow and all eyes on the road.

"Dean, you are driving at like 35mph" Castiel said concerned.

"Yeah well a car accident can give you a few life choices and re-thinks, Cas" he said with a small sad smile. Castiel swallowed reaching over and squeezing his hand hard, Dean squeezed back and smiled softly at him.

They arrived to see lights all on, a few cars in the yard and music playing.

"You ready?"

"Just try and stick with me, please?" Castiel murmured walking beside him never feeling more nervous in his life as they walked in.

"Hey!" Ellen said as they walked inside and Dean smiled at her hugging her tightly before letting go. "I thought you were struck down with flu?"

"I am but I couldn't miss this" Castiel said glancing around the room to see dozens of unknown people. Sam walked in and greeted them warmly pulling each of them into a hug before passing over a beer.

"Try and enjoy yourselves" Sam said with a snort of laughter and walking away when someone called his name.

Dean glanced over to Castiel who sipped his beer and looked back to him with wide puppy eyes, Dean smirked pulling him closer pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

"It'll be fine, I promise, what's the worst that can happen?"

~0~

Three hours passed and more people arrived, the drinks flowing and Castiel finding out he was actually quite a lightweight much to Dean's amusement. They were outside in the yard chatting surrounded by family friends, Sam's friends who had travelled down from Stanford and other people Ellen and Bobby knew.

"Dean!" a girly voice screamed and he turned startled to see Jo running towards him.

"Shit" he said catching her and hugging her tight spinning her in a small circle delighted. Castiel watched them disgruntled and stepped back moving inside choosing not to watch the strange woman hugging _his _husband.

"How are you?"

"Good, how was New York?" he said feeling a little tipsy and lightheaded.

"Amazing" she said with a sigh. "I felt bad for leaving so soon after the crash, I am so sorry"

"Jo, it's fine, we're doing fine" he said hugging her again and smiling when she hugged him back tighter.

Castiel sat down heavily in the corner ignoring people who looked over at him and stared down at the brown contents in his beer bottle.

"Stupid Dean" he murmured.

"He is stupid" a male voice said and he looked up to see a stranger leaning against the wall watching him with a keen interest.

"Who the hell are you?"

The man blinked in surprise looking down at himself and then gasping.

"Oh yeah! You lost your memory, Sam told me before…I'm Andy, we went to school together, I was in your math class and the last time I saw you was at Pamela's party" he said dropping down on the chair next to him with an easy grin.

Castiel frowned edging away from him. "I do not remember that party"

"I know you don't, I'm just telling you that you do know me and I know you, Castiel, I've always known you"

Castiel sniffed looking away from him and drinking back his beer feeling a little sick.

"So how you been? Sam told me, you're married to the infamous, Dean Winchester, you have a house and a dog!"

"Yes, a man who I'm married to, a house I hardly remember and a faithful dog who doesn't know what's happened to me but loves me anyway" he said with a scoff leaning back into his chair.

Andy looked him over and licked his bottom lip, he hadn't changed at all and Andy was very thankful. Castiel chuckled looking over to him amused.

"Married to a man who I can't remember, married to a man who hugs random women in the garden in delight ignoring me"

"You are too good for him, you always have been"

"How could you possibly know that?" he said with a chuckle.

"Because I do…I know you don't remember this and well…I shouldn't say this, especially not to you"

"What are you going on about…Andy?" he said squinting his eyes at him for confirmation that it was his name.

"I like you, I've always liked you" he whispered turning his grey eyes towards him.

"Like me? You said we haven't seen each other since school"

"So?" Andy said with a shrug drinking back his vodka. "That was only six years ago"

"Six years is long ago"

"Fantastic logic" Andy said with a chuckle making Castiel laugh at him and close his eyes leaning against the wall exposing his Adam's apple. "But I guess seeing you again has brought it all back…I did try at that party but Dean got there instead…"

Andy stared forward bitterly rolling his bottle in his hands. "I sometimes wonder what would have happened if he hadn't come along and stole you"

"You sound bitter" Castiel said with his eyes still closed.

"No, just curious" Andy said sniffing hard and leaning back staring at the side of his face. "But I'll tell you what, age did you very well"

Castiel snorted opening his eyes and looking towards him baffled. "I am a married man"

Andy looked at the gold band on his hand and waved that off. "Even with no memories?"

Castiel frowned, his eyes settling into hard blue stones and he moved to get up.

"No, no, wait, I'm sorry I was just curious, I think a lot of people are" he said flustered bringing him back down onto the chair. Castiel snatched his hand away pissed off and folded them across his chest.

"Why are strangers interested in my marriage?"

"Curiosity"

"Bollocks" he said with a snort falling into helpless laughter. "I think I'm a little drunk"

"Maybe" Andy said flashing him an amused smirk. "So come on, do you still love the guy?"

"I hardly know you!" he protested.

"Well get to know me" he purred moving into his personal space. Castiel frowned pushing him away and looking out to the garden to see, Dean, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and strangers to Castiel all involved in a big conversation Dean was heavily involved in.

"Come on, Castiel, humour here me here! Just stop for one second and focus on me" he said tugging at his wrist. Castiel sighed heavily turning in his seat and focusing on him and his big grey eyes, cheeky grin and handsome features.

"That man out there is your husband right? Vows, rings, the whole package but marriage is nothing without love, support, and trust, a piece of paper committing yourself to that one man, that one man forever and ever" Andy said confidently watching the doubt wavering Castiel's face. "Now you tell me how the other man being yourself who is suffering severe amnesia, forgetting himself, his family, his friends, even his own husband who you have been stuck with for six whole years can carry on with his life?"

"I am trying, I am, and it's a little difficult because I have my doubts" he whispered falling straight into his little trap.

"Of course you do" he whispered cupping a hand over his and squeezing it gently. "Of course you feel doubt over a man who is practically forcing you to love him"

"I-I don't understand" Castiel said with a tiny hiccup.

"Dean is using you like a little puppet!" he hissed gripping his hand tight. "Keeping you tied to him like a little obedient dog, he knows you have no way out, he knows you are stuck with him and he is using that to his own advantage"

Castiel shook his head slowly moving his hand away and squeezing it to his chest. "No"

"Yes! I haven't seen you for years and I've watched you all night with him. Everywhere he goes he tugs you with him, he orders you around and now he's ignoring you"

"I wanted him to" he whispered still shaking his head.

"Do you love him, Castiel?" he said gripping his knee.

"I don't know"

"Can you ever love him? Can you stay married to that man for the rest of your life, never knowing what else is out there, experimenting, using the years that were taken away from you by…him" he said looking over to Dean with hatred in his eyes. Castiel followed his eye line to Dean and exhaled shakily.

"I thought I did…I thought I could"

Andy felt a sense of achievement and grinned into his bottle.

"You are too good for him, you deserve someone better than him" he said poisoning him with his words. Castiel struggled staring down at his hands not knowing what to say or even do at that moment feeling sicker than ever with the booze rushing around his system.

Dean grew tired of the conversation and looked around the yard looking for Castiel and frowned when he couldn't spot him.

"Sam, you seen Cas?" he called over to his little brother.

"Nope, let's check indoors"

Andy moved closer to him tilting his chin up and smiling softly at him. "This is good, this a break through, Castiel, it means you are starting to see how wrong this, how wrong he is for keeping you at his side when he should have let you go the moment you lost all those memories, it's sick"

"But he loves me" he said with a whimper struggling with his inner emotions.

"I'm sure he does but you don't and that right there is a failed marriage; say it to me, Castiel"

"What?"

"Say it out loud, say you don't love him"

"What? I can't…"

"Say it!"

"I…don't…love him" he said slowly staring into the other man's eyes feeling a sickening fear in his gut as he said those four dreaded words. Andy noticed out of the corner of his eye, Dean and Sam entering into the study, they were surrounded by people not paying any attention to them because they were either drunk or not bothered, the music filled the room and right now Andy had Castiel right in his palm.

"It'll be okay" Andy whispered moving into his personal space and smiling softly at him like he cared. "You can start moving on now; let's give it a kick start"

"What…?" he murmured and drew in a sharp breath when Andy kissed him very briefly, a teasing of the lips. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a little taster" he whispered and smirked at the wonder in Castiel's eyes as his blue eyes roamed up and down his face. Castiel reached forward like a child pressing his lips against Andy's who responded immediately.

Suddenly everything shattered for Castiel as the strange feeling of having a stranger kiss him disappeared and he opened his eyes to Andy on the floor clutching a bloody nose, a unbelievably furious Dean standing over him shouting unintelligible words at him. Castiel shook his dazed head and focused ignoring people's shocked stares.

"You son of bitch!" Dean shouted picking him up by his t-shirt and punching him hard across the face hearing people gasp and Sam shout "Dean" but everyone knew best not to interfere.

"Always a pathetic, spineless, creepy, worm who pries on people in relationships aren't you, Andy?" Dean roared down at him.

Andy coughed spluttering blood up and grinned at him.

"You got what you deserved" he hissed up at him. "Dean Winchester, popular, funny, witty, always got the lady or man…well you got the man I had always wanted"

Eyes turned to Castiel who was watching the scene unfold in front of him feeling like a hundred miles away from it all.

"He's mine, he didn't want you, wasn't the message clear all those years ago? Look at you, still in university after years of failing, Andy" Dean snarled dragging him up and smashing him against the wall. "You are a failure"

"Well at least I am not a pathetic man clinging onto a broken marriage! He doesn't remember you, you sorry son of a bitch! He even told me he doesn't love you and you know what…he kissed me!"

Dean went to punch him again when suddenly Bobby grabbed him dragging him back and San intervened shoving Andy towards the door.

"Get out, you come near me or my family again and I'll make sure me and Dean finish the job" Sam said in a cold voice shoving him out of the front door and onto the cold floor slamming the door behind him.

Dean was breathing hard staring down at the floor till he grew angrier and shoved Bobby away; he glared at everyone in turn and couldn't even look at Castiel as he stormed back outside slamming the door behind him. Whispers broke out everyone talking and looking at Castiel who gaped wordlessly looking up at Sam, Bobby and Ellen who looked back at him.

"Cas" Ellen said in a soft voice breaking the tension moving towards him. "Go to him, we won't come out, not till it's sorted"

"I'm sorry" he whispered looking at all of them in turn. Castiel stood up on shaky legs moving towards the back door and opening it up and shutting it behind him feeling more than sober. Dean was near the edge of the yard staring up at the moon and the stars quietly, not moving, no reaction, just silent and cold.

Castiel moved towards him slowly and stood near him looking at his face, his heart clenched at the tear marks travelling down his face. He didn't know how to speak and only stood and waited for Dean to make the first move.

"It's mad isn't it what 24 hours can change?" Dean said suddenly looking up at the sky. Castiel swallowed feeling his own eyes fill with tears.

"Dean, I…" he started but was interrupted when Dean chuckled, the sound so miserable and half cut it made Castiel freeze.

"We were at this party once, two years ago for Ellen's birthday and it was all fancy, we got dressed up and you looked gorgeous in a suit" Dean said still not looking at him and choosing to stare straight forward. "We were recently engaged and there were gentlemen we didn't know, gay men actually, and they were all over you, I was so jealous because you were all mine and they were ogling you, my Cas"

Castiel felt his tears fall over and he moved closer to him trying to get him to look at him.

"You flashed that engagement ring in their faces with a laugh shouting, "I'm taken, boys", you would then rush over to me and kiss me so hard…not once would you even consider them, because I was yours and you were mine" Dean said looking down now and straight towards him. "But now I guess, your mine but I'm not yours…not anymore"

"Dean…" Castiel whispered in a broken voice.

"Is it true, Cas, what Andy said…you told him you didn't love me?"

"He forced me to say it"

"But it's true, you don't love me"

"I don't know how to feel!"

"Do you love me?" he shouted at him angrily.

"No!" he cried back to him his bottom lip trembling. "I tried so hard, I forced myself to feel for you but it wouldn't come"

Dean closed his eyes feeling the core of his whole world tremble and crack as his vision blurred with tears, his throat burned with the intensity of what he was feeling and he exhaled with a shudder looking up at the night sky. Castiel broke down into his hand trembling with each sob that escaped him.

"I-I want to love you, I want to love-love you…like…like you love me" Castiel said with a sob.

"But you don't anymore, you did though, Cas, you really fucking did and how can we cling onto something that is gone?"

"We can try" Castiel whispered.

Dean shook his head looking away pressing a hand to his mouth. "I can't believe this is happening, I thought we were okay, I thought I had actually done it. I thought I had actually got you to fall in love with me all over again, bring back the memories, and remember our life together. I then have to hear from a douchebag with an obsession over you that you don't love me and witness the love of my life kissing another man"

"Dean" Castiel whispered in a pained voice reaching for him and letting his hand fall when Dean flinched and moved away.

"I promised you I would let you be happy and fall in love, Cas, and I have kept every single one of my promises so far and I guess we don't get our second chance"

Castiel didn't say anything as he stared up at him with pain ridden eyes, Dean inhaled and exhaled feeling a single hot tear fall down his cheek and his broken heart beat loudly in his chest.

"I have to let you go" Dean whispered more to himself. "I tried my best but sometimes your best just isn't good enough"

"You're going to just let me go?" Castiel exclaimed in a shocked voice.

"I have to, Cas" he whispered moving towards him and cupping the sides of his face. "I promised"

Dean moved forward pressing his lips against his in a tender kiss tasting the saltiness of their tears; Castiel kissed him back and broke away leaning against his forehead.

"I'm sorry" he whispered with a sob breaking out his chest. "I'm so sorry"

Dean nodded moving away from him . Castiel squeezed his eyes shut the tears leaking out and falling onto his own shirt and ground.

"I hope you find someone who loves you as much as you love me"

"That's the problem, Cas… you did" he whispered brokenly turning away and heading to the house again leaving Castiel to watch his retreating figure feeling the pain of a broken and failed marriage in front of him, he didn't want this, he never, ever wanted to hurt Dean.

Dean walked into the house to see it empty apart from Sam, Ellen, and Bobby. Ellen inhaled sharply at the state of Dean who stopped looking at the floor.

"It's over" he said in a dead voice before grabbing his keys and walking out.

"Dean, no, wait…" Sam said and stopped when Dean held up a hand.

"Leave me alone, Sammy" he whispered looking up at him and Sam swallowed at the dead and cold look in Dean's eyes. Dean climbed into the car, driving out of the yard, all the way home and opening the door to be greeted by Phoebe who instantly knew as she approached with a soft whine. Dean dropped down to his knees stroking her softly and closed his eyes still not feeling it sink in as he got up and moved upstairs to the bedroom. Stripping off feeling numb and heavy he sat on the bed looking down at the floor and picked up one of Castiel's t-shirts feeling like a pathetic loser as he inhaled it. The warm scents of aftershave, soap, and fabric softener struck him and he sat there into the early hours of the morning, Phoebe in his lap, crying on and off as he struggled to grasp what had just happened. His marriage over, the man he loved gone and he now faced a lonely future.

At the end of his tether and his last straw he wondered deep down was fate really that cruel or was it just a temporary beginning? Only time would tell as he clung to last foolish, helpless, hope he knew would keep him going.

Bad things happen to good people and it's always a matter of time before that luck changes and brings them everything they want and more. It was just a matter of timing.

**A/N: I am so sorry. I really am, if I make anyone cry at all, even a little bit, you have my hugs and this one little thing…have any of my stories ever ended without a happy ending? **

**Feedback for the longest chapter of this fan-fic would please me! **


	16. Chapter 16

Gabriel stared across at Castiel who was staring into nothing cradling a warm cup of coffee in his hands. He sighed leaning his cheek against his hand drumming his fingers on the table watching him carefully.

"Castiel, you've been staring at that cup of coffee for near enough ten minutes" Gabriel said gently poking a finger at his hand. "If you are that depressed, call him"

"How can I?" he whispered staring down at the murky water. "I've broken his heart"

"You've broken both of your hearts, Cas, from the off we knew this was going to end in disaster"

"Is that why you tried so hard to split us up?" he spat at him looking up into the concerned hazel eyes.

"No, I don't want this for you, either of you, but we saw something you didn't. We saw an underlying disaster waiting to happen, we were warning you"

"Why thank you for your support!" Castiel hissed pushing up off the table and storming upstairs to his bedroom. Gabriel swallowed hard leaning further into his seat feeling like the world's biggest jackass.

Castiel had arrived at the house two days in a flood of tears, feeling terrible about how he and Dean were now over, he had kissed another man and could he stay there. Gabriel welcomed him in and could only watch from the side lines as his brother wallowed around the house feeling sorry for himself. He had on more than one occasion told his younger brother that he kissed the other man; he told Dean he didn't love him and it was over because of that.

Castiel had now chosen to lock himself in the spare room re-evaluating his life.

"Cas!" he shouted up the stairs and sighed when he got no answer. He ran up and pushed open the door to see him curled up under the covers.

"Buddy, you need to go home and get…everything" he said gesturing around the room. "Clothes, pictures, your toothbrush, you can't keep borrowing my stuff"

"I can't" he said simply. "How can I look him in the eye after what I done?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes leaning against the frame of the door. "Well I will! Give me the keys"

Castiel sat up suddenly and stared at him startled. "You'll go to the house?"

"Yes! I'll check up on Dean as well, poor sod won't be doing too well"

"Tell me if he's alright?" he whispered handing them over.

"Sure, Cas" he said pocketing them and moving out of the room. Castiel pulled his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around them with a sigh. Things were as complicated as they could get and despite the conflict within him, Castiel missed Dean like crazy. He missed that constant presence, the small smiles only for him and more recently the warmth of another body wrapped around him when he slept or just a hug.

His heart ached a little and he rubbed over it absently knowing why Dean did it, a promise is a promise.

Gabriel parked outside of the house looking up to see the curtains drawn and groaned knowing he had to face the other depressed party of this broken down relationship.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently hearing the snuff of Phoebe as she whined on the opposite side of the door.

"Hey, Phoebe, go get Dean-o would you?" he called through the letterbox.

Dean who was sat on the couch drinking steadily from a bottle of whiskey sighed loudly.

"Piss off, Gabriel!"

"Dean! I've come for Cas' stuff, man, I'm not leaving this door so you either open it or I kick it in" Gabriel shouted back to him. "So open up or you'll be paying for a new door, dude"

"You are an asshole" Dean said getting up and throwing open the door. Gabriel stumbled back and smirked.

"Hey"

"You want his things? Why didn't Cas come for them?"

"Do you blame him? He's a mess, Dean"

Dean swallowed knowing the feeling as he slammed the door shut and looked down to Phoebe who was the ever faithful and sticking by him. For the two days away from Castiel, he had done nothing but laze around, drinking whiskey and followed around by Phoebe who sensed his pain and upset.

"She won't leave me alone" Dean muttered when they climbed the stairs.

"Turning to bestiality?"

"You are a sick man, Gabriel"

"Hey, a man has needs" Gabriel joked which faltered when Dean didn't respond as he opened the wardrobe.

"His clothes are in here" he murmured in a dead voice before moving out of the bedroom. Gabriel swallowed grabbing his suitcase and shoving the different items of clothing, he felt guilty and bad for Dean but knew one way or the other it would turn out alright for the both of them. He finished packing up Castiel's belongings and looked up when Dean entered the room holding a photo album and a DVD on top of it.

"Hey, would-would you give this to him? It's a present I made for him a few weeks ago and I was going to give it to him but well…" he said trailing off. Gabriel nodded grabbing them off him and sighing regretfully.

"Dean, I know it seems like the whole world and its mother is against you right now but Sam's worried about you"

"I can't" Dean said with a shake of his head. "I'll talk to him when I'm ready"

"I know I have no right to say this but…I think everything will be alright in the end"

Dean snorted running a hand into his hair feeling his chest ache in the wanton need to believe that, to keep a hold on that believe he would get him back.

"Bullshit, Gabe, you know and I know that this is over. Cas, he can't love me back the way I want him to and I promised him I would let him love again, let him be happy and I am doing that"

"He's not in his right frame of mind, Dean-o! He's searching for a miracle that isn't there!" Gabriel shouted at him.

"He kissed another man! He told that little shit, Andy, he didn't love me" Dean yelled punching the wardrobe splitting his knuckle and hissing in pain. Gabriel grimaced at the agony in Dean's face as he breathed hard.

"Leave"

Gabriel nodded picking up the suitcase along with the DVD and photo album taking off downstairs and back to Castiel. Dean looked down at the broken skin and the pooling blood on his hand. Phoebe whimpered by his side pawing at his leg gently.

"It's okay, girl, we're going be okay" he whispered feeling tears form in his eyes as he looked at the empty wardrobe. The need and loneliness made his chest ache hard, he moved over to the bed taking out the hidden t-shirt pressing it to his nose and inhaling the scent.

Phoebe jumped on the bed staring up at him with her head cocked.

"I miss him, Pheebs, how am I meant to move on?" he whispered stroking her fur gently. "I can't live without him"

Her lack of response made him sigh and throw the t-shirt down. "I guess I never will"

~0~

"Here" Gabriel said dropping down the suitcase and handing over the gifts.

"What are these?" Castiel asked his brow puckered in confusion.

"No idea, Dean told me to give them to you and I'm thinking they're important" Gabriel said moving towards the door. "I'll give you some space"

Castiel stared down at the patterned soft cover of the photo album and nodded curiously sitting on the bed placing the DVD on the side. He opened it slowly gasping as he saw pictures of them two and writing in Dean's handwriting underneath. The first photo was the two of them in their late teens, near the beginning and they were sat on top of a grassy hill kissing. Castiel smiled looking at the handwriting curiously.

"_This is our first kiss, Sam was spying on us, he took the picture and only shown me it a few months back. I love it and I am giving it to you"._

Castiel flickered through the pages seeing similar pictures to what he had seen already, a few he had never saw one being them together on the beach somewhere. They are in the distance, Dean's arms wrapped around him as Castiel fed him ice cream.

"_You practically forced me to eat this! You tackled me to the floor and made me lick it off your fingers; it's one of my favourite memories and pictures"_

Castiel chuckled turning the pages over and smiling at the pictures of himself, one where he is soaking wet from the shower looking shocked, plenty of them together wrapped up in each other's arms and the photos were going through their ages. He turned the page to see around their engagement time, one in particular being their engagement party, Castiel is sitting on the edge of the table with Dean between his legs looking a lot like in the middle of a conversation.

"_Jo took this rare photo. We hid away in the kitchen for private time and you were so drunk, Cas, it was so funny. You told me over and over again how much you loved me, how you were so excited to be a Winchester, and could we have sex on the kitchen table. You kinky bastard._

Castiel laughed closing his eyes feeling the tears spark in his eyes, recognition growing in his heart as he turned the pages moving towards their wedding and one sentence underneath all the pictures of the ceremony and their reception.

"_The happiest day of my life, this is day you became mine, Cas. I swore to love you forever and I am keeping to that promise"_

Castiel broke down feeling the tears run down his face in quiet streams as he turned over the page to see their honeymoon and the happiness radiated over his own face as Dean snapped him in front of the of the Statue of Liberty. He flicked through the rest of the pictures to see random ones of Dean and Sam, himself and Sam, till he near enough reached the end and turned over to see a familiar one. It was the picture of them pulling faces and acting silly.

"_You wanted a picture of us, a recent one, this is the only one we got and I didn't want to do it at all! You forced me yet again dragging me under the camera and this is our result. _

_I love this because it shows us in all our glory, our immaturity, our love, our marriage. This was taken a few weeks before the car accident and it kills me to see what we had._

_But we can have this again, baby, we can have all this! This is our whole life in pictures and I love you so fucking much. You've changed me into the man I am now, you're mine and I'm yours, Cas, we're made for each other. _

_We'll get through this, we always do. I love you._

Castiel slammed the cover down sobbing into his hands not knowing if it was sadness or happiness at those words written in the end. Castiel sniffed wiping his tears and grabbed the DVD quickly shoving it into the player and sitting back as it flickered on the screen.

"Okay, here we go, for whoever is watching this…here we have Phoebe!" he whispered off screen and pointing the camera down to a puppy Phoebe. Phoebe was very young with a red bow wrapped around her neck looking up at him.

"She is Cas' anniversary present which he thinks I've totally forgot about!" Dean said turning the camera on him and shaking his head.

Castiel gasped seeing his face, covered in stubble and looking a little younger.

"Would I forget our anniversary?" he said outraged and looked back down to Phoebe who was sniffing his foot. "Come on, girl, in the box"

Phoebe was suddenly enhanced by the treats as he shut the lid over and picked it up walking into the living area holding the camera. Castiel watched himself look up and found it slightly strange to watch something he didn't remember.

"What are you doing?"

"Now, now, moody bum, I have a present here"

Castiel frowned folding his arms over his chest. "Remembered our anniversary now have you?"

"I never forgot, baby, here you go" he said dropping it down very gently on the table.

"Why do you have a video camera?"

"To film your reaction now open it!" he ordered pointing at the box.

Castiel frowned looking over to the box and gasping when it moved and yelped.

"Dean?" he whispered confused and lifted the lid gasping sharply. "You bought me a puppy?"

"Meet Phoebe" Dean said off camera watching as Castiel picked the squirming puppy up happiness and delight shining in his eyes.

"Dean! I can't…you actually listen to me!"

Dean turned the camera on himself. "I have been with this man for nearly six years now and now he notices I listen? Don't get married, folks"

Castiel chuckled wiping the tears still falling from his eyes when the camera switched to his self.

"I love you, I love you!" he shouted diving at him knocking the camera to the side and kissing him. Castiel grabbed the camera placing it on the table and climbing into his lap.

Castiel watched in his bedroom as he watched his former self kiss Dean passionately stopping to whisper, "I love you" "You're amazing" "You got me a fucking puppy".

"I know!" Dean exclaimed pushing him down into the couch with a grin, Castiel wrapping his arms around his neck. Phoebe's little head poked up sniffing at the camera till it drew away and scampered away. Castiel watched entranced by the way Dean kissed him slowly and so lovingly it made him ache in need to feel those lips against his.

A crash in the distance of the DVD made the pair of them look towards it and laugh. Dean reached for the camera turning it towards the kitchen to see Phoebe covered in flour while he laughed and Dean snorted off screen.

"How much do you love me now?"

"More than I could possibly imagine" he said turning towards him with a grin. The camera turned again to a now grinning Dean who nodded.

"I'm getting lucky tonight folks!"

"Will you turn that camera off?"Castiel said grabbing it off him and the screen flickered off and nothing more came. Castiel inhaled pressing the heels of his hand into his eyes and crying softly into them.

"What I have done?" he whispered looking towards the door to see Gabriel walk in and frown sadly for him. "What was I thinking! What was I hoping to happen, Gabe? The magic fairy coming along and making me fall in love with him!"

"Cas…."

"No, I have no excuse! I have ruined this"

"It could be saved, it can be"

Castiel closed his eyes exhaling shakily. "I remember so much but the most important thing is I know…I remember what it feels like to love Dean, to love him like no one else could and I didn't see it, I didn't know what it was"

Gabriel dropped to his knees clutching his shoulders hard.

"Then you know what to do, you have to fight for this"

Castiel sniffed deeply and nodded standing up walking out of the room.

"Cas, where are you going?"

Castiel turned back to look at him and swallowed hard before running down the stairs grabbing his coat and hat heading out into the snow. He pushed forward to one destination he knew, one destination which was the start of everything that was and everything that could be.

**A/N: I will mend all your broken hearts. I am so sorry. **

**Feedback would be great. **

**Also, I have a new fan-fic which I keep uploading and deleting because is being a little shit! Just FYI. It will go up if you want it to. **


	17. Chapter 17

It's getting dark outside when Dean's phone rings and rings demanding to be answered. Dean sighs flipping it open and glaring at the name, Gabe, flashing on his screen.

"What?" he answers.

"Hey, Cas with you?"

"No, why would he be?"

"He's missing, I've been calling the little shit for hours now but I can't get him! He got all worked up about the photo album and DVD you gave him, ran out of the house a mess telling himself he made a huge mistake"

Dean's heart pounded at his words and he inhaled sharply. "So he's just taken off?"

"Yes! I have no idea where he's gone; he has amnesia for fuck sake! Balthazar is no help since he's in the middle of a fucking orgy!"

"Fucking dick" Dean said with a scowl, he hated that man more than anything. Sex before family or kind of some fucked up way of dealing with shit.

"So, you know him, go find him"

"How? I have no idea where he would go!"

"Then think! I know this is totally inappropriate but I have work, Dean, an important meeting which my boss will personally cut my balls off and feed to her cat if I don't attend"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded. "Okay, okay, I'll ask around for him"

"Great! Thank you, call me when you find him" Gabriel said before hanging up.

Dean groaned pocketing his phone and reaching for his coat. The dark outside disturbed him and he didn't like the thought of Castiel being out there all alone. Pulling out his phone he charged outside and dialled his number, it rang and rang till he heard the familiar voicemail and groaned.

"Dammit, Cas" he growled getting into the car and starting her up. He thought of the different places he could be but with no memories, it was rather difficult. Dean drove towards where they had crashed in the hopes he was there but to no avail as he scanned the crowd walking by and seeing no one vaguely familiar.

"Damn" he hissed driving on and parking on the side of the road. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

Dean pulled out his phone dialling his number one more time praying silently.

There was a click and Dean waited with baited breath till he heard the familiar voice.

"Dean?"

"Cas! Where the fuck are you? I have Gabriel on my ass here, dude, because he says you just took off" Dean ranted down the phone feeling relief pump through him that he was alright, no one had hurt him.

"I went for a walk…and I found somewhere, somewhere familiar" Castiel whispered through his chattering teeth. "I need to speak with you"

"Where are you?"

"A park, a familiar one, I am not sure what its name is but it holds a memory?"

Dean blinked and gasped knowing where he was.

"Stay right there!" he said hanging up and throwing it into the seat. Dean pressed the pedal down heading towards the park he hadn't been too in years.

He parked on the road and stepped out breathing out into the cold air and knew Castiel would be freezing his ass off. He crunched through it and peered around looking for a figure in the darkness. The lake was frozen over and he stepped forward feeling a familiar wave of déjà vu as he stepped on the path.

"Cas?" he called out and sighed when a figure stepped towards him.

Castiel moved off the bench where he was sat frozen and stepped into the light.

"You look like a vampire" Dean commented appraising his black jacket, pale skin and bright blue eyes. "A rather sexy one in fact"

Castiel smirked looking down at the floor not replying. Dean moved towards him placing a hand on his cheek.

"You're so cold, you dick, how long have you been out here?"

"It took time for me to find it" Castiel said with a shrug leaning into his touch.

Dean drew his hand away slowly tucking it in his pocket. "I'm sorry for freaking you out with the photo album and DVD, Cas, I just wanted you to have something to remember me by, remember us by and I didn't want it to hurt you"

"Dean, it was one of the most…beautiful things you have done for me" Castiel said with a sigh. "It made me realise so many things"

"What things?"

"How much of an idiot I really am, how stupid I was to believe that I couldn't fall in love with you" Castiel said tears filling his eyes and he sniffed deeply. "Because what was I expecting, Dean? A fairy, cupid, or something like a wish making me fall in love with you? Life isn't like that, it takes time, and it creeps up on you when you least expect it"

Dean nodded understand completely. "Love's a powerful emotion, Cas, it makes people do the strangest things"

"But that's the thing, that photo album, that clip of you giving Phoebe to me for our anniversary it made me…feel, I felt something brighten even brighter in my chest for you because I have been so blind"

"Cas…"

"No, let me finish" he said invading his personal space. "Because I was so caught in remembering, trying to figure out who I was and forcing myself to love you but not feeling it because I didn't understand what love was"

"Cas, I don't blame you"

"I've only ever been in love once and it was with you, the accident took my memories away and my life but that hasn't stopped us" Castiel said reaching up and cupping his cheek. "I remember, Dean, I remember little pieces of my life but the most important thing I realised over these past couple of days, seeing that photo album and DVD, is I remember what it feels like to love you"

Dean inhaled the cold hair and breathed out in a cold, surprised, puff.

"You are a stubborn, funny, warm hearted, brave and beautiful man; you are one in a billion and something so rare to put up with me, this drama, and I didn't see the love there, it was foreign to me and I know you might not believe me but I do, I'm falling in love all over again" he whispered up to him tears streaking down his face silently.

"So here we are again, six years ago you told me you loved me and I was afraid of losing you, so here I am six years later telling you I am the biggest fool ever, Dean, and I am falling back in love" he said before breathing out harshly pushing under his eyes. "My head is a complete mess, Dean, I will never get my full memory back and even the doctor said that to me but I am so sorry for kissing him at Sam's party, it was drunken curiosity and he poisoned me with his words, forcing me to say I didn't love you"

"Baby" Dean whispered moving closer to him so they were an inch apart. His eyes roamed over him and he smirked seeing the detail Castiel didn't. Castiel was wearing similar clothing to six years ago when he confronted him about losing him.

"I meant every single word I wrote at the bottom of the album, I love you, you've made me the man I am today from being the school slut to a man married to the single best human being in the world"

Castiel flushed at his words and smiled when Dean pressed his cold lips against his.

"I know the difficulties, Cas, I'm feeling them too and I know you are never going to remember everything but maybe one day"

"I don't even remember our wedding, Dean" he whispered his voice cracking. Dean smoothed a thumb over his cheek pressing kisses on his forehead, nose, and cheeks.

"Our wedding was beautiful, Cas, I am going to tell you everything"

**July 30th 1998 **

The vows were simple and sweet, the ceremony taken in a registry office surrounded by Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Sam, Gabriel and Balthazar. Dean stared at Castiel as he slid the ring on his finger and lifted his hand pressing his lips to the gold band causing Castiel to flush, rosy pink flooding his cheeks and his eyes bright and excited.

"Mine" he whispered pulling away and grinning at him.

Castiel chuckled taking the gold band and sliding it onto Dean's finger. "Yours"

"Oh Jesus!" Gabriel said suddenly in disgust and stilled when eyes flew towards him. "Is a beautiful man for bringing them together! Carry on…"

Castiel smirked amused at his brother and turned back to Dean kissing him softly when the magistrate said so.

"We're fucking married" Dean whispered against his lips.

"I fucking know" he whispered back with a grin wrapping his arms around his neck and deepening their kiss. Coughs erupted around the room but Dean only responded by flicking a finger at the lot of them as he kissed him. Castiel pulled away sucking in air and smirked at Dean.

"Sorry, come on let's go sign stuff and head off to get very, very, drunk" Dean said gripping his hand and tugging him along. They signed their documents for their civil partnership and headed off to the pub where Ash Smith, Ellen's nephew was holding their event. The pub was full of well-wishers, colleagues and old school friends.

"You're sexy in a suit" Dean said wrapping his arms around him as they stood in the middle wrapped in their own little world.

"I would hope so" Castiel murmured trailing his nose and mouth across his cheek and jaw. "I hope to get it off soon and show you how happy you've made me today and watch you lose complete control"

"Kinky son of a bitch"

"You love it, you slut" Castiel whispered with a chuckle when Dean bit the inside of his neck.

"Now, now, boys, we have company and you two are a few seconds from shagging on top of this bar" Ellen said sipping her beer and shaking her head. "You boys, you've made me very happy"

"Glad to be of service" Dean murmured resting his cheek against Castiel's forehead.

"I love you" Castiel whispered up to him.

"I kinda like you" Dean joked seeking his lips and kissing him tenderly. Ellen rolled her eyes looking over to Sam who shrugged with a grin glancing to Gabriel who was groaning into his hands.

"My baby brother, my baby brother making out with his new husband"

Sam laughed nudging him. "Knowing the feeling, dude"

The night progressed, drinks were poured and soon people were drunk, laughing, and having a good time. Dean spun Castiel on the floor while they kissed drunkenly and swayed together.

"Our first dance went rather well" Castiel said with a giggle.

"Oh please let us go home, fuck our brains out, and then go away on honeymoon" Dean growled slipping his hand up his shirt.

"Dean, we can't…" he whispered his breathing quickening when Dean rubbed his thumb over his nipple sucking on his chest.

"Come on, baby, let's leave, go home, get naked, and become a hot…sweaty…mess, Cas, I'm gonna fuck you so hard into our mattress"

Castiel groaned tilting his head back exposing his throat which Dean took full advantage sucking on his adam's apple.

"Okay, alright, we'll go" Castiel whispered and grabbing his hand.

"Attention folks!" Dean shouted and everyone stopped to turn at them. "We are leaving! Enjoy the night"

"You serious? This is your wedding!" Sam said astonished.

"Sammy, I am about to go and head start my wedding night" he said with a grin when Sam grimaced shoving him away. "Go"

Dean grinned tugging on Castiel's hands as they said their goodbyes and dashed off home.

"Wait…wait, Dean, you gotta carry me" he said when they reached the door. Dean threw back his head and laughed.

"Ah! My bride" he said shoving him against the wall and picking him up so Castiel could wrap his legs around his waist. Castiel grinned down at him kissing him roughly when Dean walked him in the house.

"You're a Winchester now, baby, no going back. I don't believe in divorce"

"I am never divorcing you" Castiel hissed into his ear when he dropped to the floor and they kissed shredding clothing.

"Never, ever, ever" Dean whispered shoving him against the wall and pinning his hands up above the wall. Castiel groaned when he slid his leg in between his thighs, Dean biting down on his lip.

"Mine" Dean growled against his lips hoisting him up again so he could wrap his legs around his waist again. His hands slipped down kneading his ass through his boxers while his mouth latched onto his nipple sucking on the rosy bud with a smirk.

"Take me to bed" Castiel whispered when Dean groaned carrying him up the stairs and dropping him down onto the bed. Castiel groaned feeling the comfort underneath his back for a moment before he was distracted by Dean tugging off his underwear.

He hissed at the cold air touching his hard cock straining upwards leaking pre-cum. Dean licked at the bead glistening there against the red and purple head.

"You taste so good" Dean murmured taking the length of him into his mouth. Castiel gasped at the hot warmth surrounding his cock and moaned fisting a hand into his brown short hair.

"Dean" he whined breathless when deep throated him, Castiel gasped rocking his hips and fucking into his mouth. Dean sucked him harder feeling the head touch his throat and massaged his balls in his other hand. Castiel gasped tightening his fist and feeling his orgasm wash over him as he shot his load down his throat. Castiel's head fell back against the pillow sated and he smiled when Dean slid up to him kissing him. Castiel licked into his mouth tasting his self on his tongue and moaned at the flavour.

"Fuck me" Castiel whispered. "Make love to me; anything, just get inside me"

Dean grinned snatching up the lube and smearing it over his fingers as he slid them inside scissoring him open. Castiel moaned gripping his hair and arching into his touch as he panted his name.

"I love you, I love you, I love you" Castiel whispered over and over again when he slid the fingers out of him and positioned himself against him before sliding inside him. Castiel groaned gripping his shoulders and stared up at the green eyes which stared down at him shining with awe and love. Dean moved his head down capturing his lips kissing him slowly as he thrusted into him. Castiel moved with him rocking together as they kissed lazily

Dean thrusted up inside him hitting the prostate, Castiel keened feeling his eyes roll back when pleasure pulsed through him. Dean felt previous alcohol ram up inside him increasing his thrusting as he moved him up the bed. Castiel cried out gripping the top of Dean's hair, the friction between them rubbing against his hard cock and the ripple of his second orgasm building upside him. Pulling on his hair made Dean groan into the side of his neck thrusting up into him once more before climaxing, stars danced between his eyes as he pressed his face into his neck.

Castiel arched up into his sweaty chest and felt the pulsing of his second orgasm as he cummed onto Dean's stomach. Dean collapsed on top of him breathing heavily feeling Castiel's arms wrap around him and lips on his temple.

"I'll always love you" Castiel whispered looking into his eyes.

"Forever and a day" Dean whispered back pressing his mouth against his and looked forward to their future.

~0~

Castiel's arms were around Dean as he cried silently after Dean stopped talking.

"Forever and a day" Castiel whispered pulling back to see Dean's eyes wet.

"Cheesy I know but it was in the heat of the moment" he said closing his eyes kissing his forehead.

"It's beautiful" Castiel murmured looking up at the night sky. "What do we do now?"

Dean sniffed trailing his hands across Castiel's neck and shoulders.

"I promise you, as I have promised a lot of these past few years, to make you happy, to make you secure, to love you and hopefully have everything returned by yourself" he said. "It's been two days now and I have been miserable, the house is empty, the dog is going crazy wondering where you are, and I miss you"

Castiel nodded leaning against his warm chest and closing his eyes.

"Just one day at a time" he murmured.

"We have our whole lives to make this better" Dean said resting his mouth on top of the hat he was wearing. "I always keep my promises"

Castiel stared up at him and nodded. "Then let's fulfil it"

Dean's hand slid down and gripped his hand interlocking their fingers together for the first time but not the last as he brought him closer hugging him tight. Explosions of relief, love, and gratitude flooded through him as he thanked whoever was looking and listening for this. Because good things do happen to people who wait and after weeks of tears, fights, fighting, and doubt he felt the breakthrough. Love is like that, it creeps up on you on the worst possible times or reminds you of what you had or you can never have. It's the most wonderful and cruellest emotion there is with such a kind name that had affected Dean and Castiel, it wasn't about to let them go, not now, not ever.

Promises are made to be kept, not broken, and Dean would carry this promise for the rest of his life as they broke through their biggest challenge yet because true love sometimes does get that second chance.

**The End**

**A/N: I cried writing the end. Can you believe that? Actual tears in my eyes right now, guys, because I loved writing this so much. Over 100 reviews again! I love you all; please continue following me on my other stories because I love your feedback!**

**I hope this is a satisfying ending for you all! **

**Feedback would be amazing. **


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